Dear Edda,Eileen,Jude,Diane and Sandra

Thank you for your replies . Your kind words mean a lot to me at this sad  moments.Although all of you have your own problems or grief , you are so kind to think of me.
 
I wish you all peaceful and happy Christmas!


Buba,Goran`s mom

Thank you, Buba! I like your tree!
 
Much love,
Edda

Peace and joy!

Thank You Buba!
 
PEACE

LOVE

AND

JOY
 
FOREVER
 
MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Grateful to be here!
What a gift and connection builder!
Love and Gratitude,
Love who You Are

Dear Buba . . .
Thank you for the Christmas tree, and for the kind wishes.
I hope that your day was filled with the love of your family.
You are closer together now . . . you all share your love and grief for Goran. Perhaps knowing he is so present in your hearts can make you smile, and love each other even more
with love . . .
sparrow

everything counts... ♥

Dear Buba,
I am so glad you are part of the forum. I hope some of the Blessings of the season will help you and your family at this sad time. You are popped into the candle, as Betty would say.
 
Love, Jude

Love is the only way

 I am with you, in the morning when i begin, a little after, again when it is a time to eat a mid day, so much of the time i spend screaming out in my head those same words. 
All i can do is tell myself I will see him again, all i can do is think of the horrible things that will never touch him, all i can do is learn what i didn't do then, i try to do now better. 
I keep looking for the answers, and found so many other answers to questions i have asked.
I am so sorry you have been given a membership into a club that you didn't sign up for, the cost is priceless and through the journey of unknown stops and pangs and pains at your heart, always look for the blessing or the silver lining of the storm cloud.
My Deepest and Sincerest Sympathy and Condolensces, I pray for peace and for your heart to go on and just as a caterpillar turns to a butterfly, may your beautiful wings show the bright colors within you.







http://www.totsites.com/tot/babyaustinajr

The Gift of Austin
http://www.totsites.com/tot/babyaustinajr
WLAP, Austin's mommy
http://www.musicalcreations.biz/samples.html

Dear Buba
 
Thank you my freind thank you ,I am sure Goran was/is with you
 
in more ways than one.
 
Sandraxxxx



Dear Frieda,
 
My arms reach out to you and hug you so gently(((()))) ...
 
Austin is with you but not in the way your broken hearts wants him
 
to be.
 
Life can be so cruel at times like this it really can.I wish you never
 
had to be in this club not ever.

 
Please know that you are in my thoughts today as is your beautiful
 
little Austin.
 
Take care,Sandraxxxx

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

ORIGINAL: bm

I want to scream,I want to shout so loud that my voice goes up to the sky,up to the stars,up to the God : PLEASE,PLEASE BRING ME BACK MY CHILD! It hurts so much ... Two years is enough! It is so hard...But I am sitting quiet in the dark with broken spirit and heart, with tears in my eyes desperately waiting to wake up from this nightmare called reality...
 
Buba,Goran`s mom

 
I was given this poem, I reflect on it alot to give me motivation for another part of the day,
I am hoping it may help you too...
A CHILD OF MINE (TO ALL PARENTS)
posted on 10/04/2008


I will lend you, for a lttle time,
      A child of mine, He said.
For you to love the while he lives,
     and mourn for  when he's dead
It may be six or seven years,
     Or twenty-two or three
But will you, till I call him back,
     Take care of him for Me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you
     And should his stay be brief,
You'll have his lovely memories.
     As solace for you grief,
I cannot promise he will stay,
     Since all from earth return,
But there are lessons tought down there,
     I want this child to learn,
     I've looked the wide world over,
     In search for teachers true,
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes,
     I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love,
     Nor think the labour vein
     Nor hate me when I come
     TO take him home again?
I fancied that I heard them say,
     Dear Lord, Thy will be done!
For all the joys Thy child shall bring,
     The risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness,
     We'll love him while we may,
And for the hapiness we've known,
     Forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for him,
     Much sooner than we've planned.
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes,
     And try to understand.
by Edgar Guest from The Living Years 1949
 
You can take the picture and put your son's name Goran on the corner,
I have this poem on Austin's little website that I started after I brought him home- they say we learn from our children and even though I had less than 2 years, his gifts of many and teachings abundant.
Try to think of all the loving fun moments and journal them, on the Holidays go see your family members and make tributes to each. 
I haven't been at this very long so it all may sound crazy, and believe me I wouldn't be here if I still didn't have family here with me.
Care to Share,  Share with others to care,  May you be blessed, and may Austin's verse speak to comfort you,
Ecclesiastes 3 To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. A time to be born, and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted. A time to kill, and a time to heal, a time to break down, and a time to build up. A time to weep, and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. If you would like to know more about Austin please visit:







http://www.totsites.com/tot/babyaustinajr

WLAP, 
 

Dear Sandra67, 
 Thanking you for the huggie and the kind words of compassion.  I am new on here, and when I saw that post it screamed at me to respond.  I apologize I barged in and i am not at this very long, or so they say, i find everyday is a struggle, i find i can feel on both ends of the spectrum at the very same moment which i never could do before, to be able to have strong feelings of hate and love seems so unlogical, just as children going before parents???????
I have read through many postings and I find words i have said are written,  there must be some universal script that we all get placed into our hearts and minds only when this happens.  I have been told that there is something  of joy to come from this, i just want off the earth, i long for any signs, i just don't know how to see them or feel them, even though at i see and hear the world through different eyes and ears.    I have dreamed since this all happened, i don't even sleep much, i wonder if that is guilt that i feel because i was the responsible parent here at the time.
I can't imagine going 5, 10,15 years from where i am, something tells me that i have to endure many years with this.
My family is still together currently,  it is very hard though to keep us in harmony.
I look to all that have posts for courage and strength, retain my faith, keep a warm glo- just as a candle does, for others, reach out and try to help comfort, i have a hard time because the tears will come and pour and i was never one to have that happen
i hope this makes sense, as so many do not understand me, or they just don't know what to say.
I thank You for taking time to read my post and respond with kind words or compassion,
I leave you with http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lgc08PJJYMk
 
This is from Austin's little website,
Sincerely,
Austin's mommom
Xanadue
 
 

The Gift of Austin
http://www.totsites.com/tot/babyaustinajr
WLAP, Austin's mommy
http://www.musicalcreations.biz/samples.html

Welcome to the forum, Xanadue!
 
I am so very sorry for your loss of your beloved Austin. You have already discovered that there are other mothers here struggling with their grief over the loss of a child. They understand what you are going through as you do. Thank you for your compassion!
There is always someone here ready to listen to you and offer support. We can't make the pain go away but can share your burden.
 
Wishing you peace and comfort,
Much love and warm hugs,
Edda

Peace and joy!

Dear Xanadue,
I hope you are getting some comfort from others here on the website. I can only imagine your pain and my heart goes out to you.
 
Thank you for posting the link to the song, which is absolutely beautiful, as is Austin.
 
With Love, Jude

Love is the only way

Hello dear Xanadu,
I am very,very sorry for your loss.It is not fair and not natural that children went before the parents!I do not know what is harder:to lose adult child after all years of loving him,caring for him, or to lose a small baby without having chance to watching him grow up...Anyway,as you said,we are all going through the same pain and feelings of injustice and helpless to turn back time and make things as we want them to be...I lost my son 2 years 7 months and 5 days ago and I still have that feeling that it is unreal,that he will come home and say : Hi,mom,I am back...
I think I will never accept the fact that he is gone forever...there is allways a little ray of hope that this is only a bad dream...
Keep coming to this site , it will help you to share your feelings with us because we do care and understand you...
with regards,
Buba,Goran's mom
(sorry if I made some mistakes,my English is not the best)

Dear, dear Xanadue . . .
Please do not feel that you have 'barged in' . . . you belong here.
You have found your way here for a reason.
Perhaps your broken heart can begin to heal . . .
I, like many other people, lost a child many years ago . . .
and I can feel your pain.
Your tribute to little Austin on your website and on YouTube is so lovely and heartfelt . . . you break my heart all over again.
But my grief is old, older even than that dreadful day,
and over time it has been tempered, the edges worn soft,
and now there is even room for joy.
You will heal if you let yourself dear Xanadue . . .
a shared burden is a lighter burden.
So welcome to the forum,
and please come back and share with us when you can.
There is always a kind ear and loving heart here.
with much love to you . . .
sparrow
 

everything counts... ♥

Oh my dear Sparrow,

it breaks my heart when you say :"...I, like many other people, lost a child many years ago . . . "and "But my grief is old, older even than that dreadful day..." because I KNOW that grief for lossing a child can not be OLD, it is old only for the people around us because they think that grief can pass away and they feel uncomfortable if we allways put our grief on the first place .So, we must learn to live with our grief and people around us like it is "NORMAL"(not showing our sad emotions).But in our hearts we know that our child is forever missed and loved  and grief after them will never get old...

with many hugs and love

Buba,Goran's mom

Dear Xanadu,
 
The poem you put on was the one I gave to neonatal with a photo of My Little Louis on.
 
This surely is a sign our boys are together trying to help thier Mummy's in so many ways.
 
You are so right we do learn from our children,Louis gave me the tittle I longed for 'Mummy' and through my little boy I have learned many things.
 
Xanadu you have come to the most precious place other than Heaven as these wonderful people really are a gift and in time you will gain some comfort knowing that no matter what someone will always hold your hand so lovingly ...
 
Take care and thank you for lighting a candle for me even though you are suffering so much.
 
Sandraxx
 
 
 
 
Dear Sparrow ,
 
I read your post then Buba's and I too feel like Buba .....
 
it breaks my heart when you say :"...I, like many other people, lost a child many years ago . . . "and "But my grief is old, older even than that dreadful day..." because I KNOW that grief for lossing a child can not be OLD, it is old only for the people around us because they think that grief can pass away and they feel uncomfortable if we allways put our grief on the first place .So, we must learn to live with our grief and people around us like it is "NORMAL"(not showing our sad emotions).But in our hearts we know that our child is forever missed and loved  and grief after them will never get old...
 
Sparrow right now I hold you so close to me and I just wish I could hug you in person.
 
Love and warm hugs always Sandraxxxx
 


 

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

Dear Buba and Sandra . . .
I was going to send you Buba, a pm in response to your post (because my response I knew, would be painful) . . .
but then, this morning I read your message Sandra,
so this is for both of you . . .
I am sorry that you feel so badly when I spoke of my grief being old.
What I meant by 'old grief' was that it is deep and ingrained and heavy, as if it has been existing inside of me for an eternity. A grief that remains after the first stabbing anguish of loss has lessened . . . a primal grief that reaches down into my very being and lives there.
I did not mean that it is a grief that no longer has meaning or a right to exist. No dears, the grief and sorrow I feel in my life is old . . .
but it is revered and honored--not denied.
It's here still inside, but now it shares its space with gratitude and even sometimes joy.
with much love to you my sisters . . .
sparrow

everything counts... ♥

Dear Sparrow,
reading your post I just felt a strong feeling of compassion for you;I felt between your words all your sorrow,no matter that tragedy happened long ago,but it happened and you once was in "my shoes"...I just want to let you know that I am so sorry for you as you are for me...I cannot express my feelings with right words,but I hope you will understand  my point.I know that our grief and pain with time will not be so strong and sharp as they were at first time.That is the way we fight to survive...But those strong emotions forever leave deep trace in our life and heart...and change us ... maybe,I dare to say, to better people?

with regards and love
Buba,Goran's mom

Dear, dear Buba . . .
I feel in my heart, your arms wrapped around me.
I hope that you can feel mine around you.
You are a treasure you know . . .
You do express your feelings just right.
Our grief does change us forever like you said . . .
it does leave deep traces,
and blossoming out of that grief,
I believe, like you,
is the opportunity for us to be better people.
Bless you dear Buba,
for your kind and caring heart.
with much love . . .
sparrow

everything counts... ♥

Dear Sparrow,
 
You always write so gently and with such love , what I meant was…
 
My grief has been with me for nearly three years now. Yes I do have bad days but they are few and far between now. When my grief comes back it knocks me down so hard.
 
I hope this does not offend you but I think you are a little bit older than me. I feel that you may have had many years of this and it just makes me sad to think good people like you have suffered in this way.
 
I know that Eban has changed his Mummy but I just wish I could have been the first to feel this pain I really do.
 
You are right we are changed and in many ways our children became our foundation…
 
Sandraxx
 

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

Dear Sandra,
You have been in my thoughts today and I'm glad you have posted tonight.
 
The thing to remember is that we are not our pain.
 
with Love and Hugs, Jude

Love is the only way