Hello I feel I am a lost cause right now,I am trying so hard to believe in God but yet again I feel lost and broken.
 
I am not sure if God can forgive me ,and he may use this against me when I die.All I want right now is to be with my baby when I die.
 
I just need to know from him that he will allow me to be a Mummy to my baby as this is hurting me so much,church as made me think he may not allow me to be with my baby and this is pain beyond measure.
 
I don't hurt people on earth but maybe I am hurting Jesus but I don't mean to it's just so hard to believe in Jesus.
 
I need my baby and I need to be with him when I die I really do.
 
Sandra
 
You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

Dear Sandra,
 
Your words touch me deeply. I have already responded to your other post. I wonder what your image of God is. Did you grow up with an image of God who keeps score, punishes every real or imagined offense, makes you suffer for your mistakes and your questions? You see, this would be a God I could not possibly believe in! I believe in a loving God who is forgiving over and over again, has no memory for our faults, wants only happiness for us. I know this in my heart even when I don't feel it all the time. You cannot hurt Jesus rather he hurts for you. He has embraced your suffering and wants to lead you to joy. You long to be with your baby but as we have told you before, he is close to you already. Don't let yourself be confused by well-meaning church people who have such negative messages.
Have you ever read anything by John O'Donohue, an Irish poet and scholar who died not so long ago. I think you would find his writings very comforting!
 
I'll keep you in my prayers and will light a candle for you,
 
Much love and warm hugs,
Edda

Peace and joy!

John O'Donohue

Dear Edda
 
I have indeed he was laid to rest not far from Louis....
 
Like the joy of the sea coming home to shore,
May the music of laughter break through your soul.

As the wind wants to make everything dance,
May your gravity be lightened by grace.

Like the freedom of the monastery bell,
May clarity of mind make your eyes smile.

As water takes whatever shape it is in,
So free may you be about who you become.

As silence smiles on the other side of what’s said,
May a sense of irony give you perspective.

As time remains free of all that it frames,
May fear or worry never put you in chains.

May your prayer of listening deepen enough
To hear in the distance the laughter of God.
 
His words touch my soul often...
 
Maybe I am hurting myself by going to these place but I felt they were suppose to help you in time of need.
 
Thank you Edda love,Sandra xxxx

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

Sandra, I have just found a lovely prayer about
god.
 
Here it is.
 
God has not promised
skies always blue,
Sun without rain,
Joy without sorrow,
Peace without pain.
 
But God has promised
Strength for the day,
Rest for the labor,
Light for the way,
Grace for trials,
Help from above,
Unfailing sympathy,
Undying Love.

Love is the only way

Dear Sandra, let yourself be refreshed and comforted by these beautiful words by John O'Donohue!  Thank you for posting them! Maybe this church you attended is right for other people but not the best choice for you. Listen for what soothes you, not for what upsets you.
 
Much love,
Edda

Peace and joy!

ORIGINAL: buttington

Sandra, I have just found a lovely prayer about
god.

Here it is.

God has not promised
skies always blue,
Sun without rain,
Joy without sorrow,
Peace without pain.

But God has promised
Strength for the day,
Rest for the labor,
Light for the way,
Grace for trials,
Help from above,
Unfailing sympathy,
Undying Love.

 
Ladies what can I say like you both have told me before love is what is important and I have so much of this.
 
I seem to get lost when I go to churches so maybe this church is not right for me.
 
Thank you Ladies for everything...
 
Sandra xxxxxxxxxxxx

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

Dear Sandra,

I have kept thinking of you, and was looking for a quote by a famous Russian poet which I wanted to post for you. I must have misplaced it, but what it says is this: When a woman came to see a "starez" (Russian priest), complaining she was unable to believe in God, he told her to just listen to her heart and to grow in love. The more she would love, the more her faith would grow, or rather her very love would be her faith. Isn´t that beautiful?

Wishing you peace of heart, with much love,
Juliana
_____________________________
Speak Peace in a World of Conflict

Dearest Juliana

 
Well thse words have really helped me lots,yes I do feel my love must be my faith as this is stronger than anything apart from the need for Louis.
 
Can I just add I am so sorry I asked people to pray to Jesus because this is wrong of me to ask if I am not 100% sure of him myself.
 
I guess my feelings about Jesus are mixed up but if he has my Louis then I will try with all of my heart to thank him when I pick Louis up from his arms.
 
People do say God forgives all so maybe he will forgive me.
 
After Louis was laid to rest I was in the chapel of the hospital .looked up at God on the cross and told him I hated him.
 
 Seconds after this I felt so sad for God and I said sorry.You see I do know he did not take Louis from me.Well he did when Louis could not fight anymore.I do feel God gently took Louis by his hand and took him to a place free from pain.
 
So why I feel the way I do now is beyond me!
 
Thank you Ladies Sandra xxxxx

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

Dear Sandra, God DOES forgive you. God prefers honest words to beautiful ones that are not sincere. God can deal with your anger! Just read some of the psalms! There, no one is mincing words!
 
People here will pray for you to whoever Ultimate Reality is for them, some may say God, a Higher Power, the Holy One, or Jesus, etc. Most will agree that these are names for Love.
 
Much love,
Edda

Peace and joy!

Edda, perfectly said.
 
I just want to add, Sandra, you have done nothing which needs to be forgiven.
 
Love, Jude

Love is the only way

Dear Sandra,
 
I just want to add a little to all the really wonderful things the other members have already written here.
 
I believe very strongly that no one understands pain more than Jesus. I think its perfectly ok to ask us to pray to Jesus; dont worry about that. There is no wrong way to grieve in my opinion. (funny I just wrote that on another topic)... I went to Louis's website and signed his guest book, it is a beautiful site.
 
As for saying you hate God in your moment of grief; I firmly believe God is totally and completely and wholely forgiving and UNDERSTANDING too. So do not worry what God is thinking please because God is all love all the time. I  hope you will come to agree with that. As for churches, I dont go because my belief is so personal and church families can be so judgmental and hypocritical. I am sure there are great churches out there, but I prefer to worship and pray in private. Maybe that would work for you too. Or maybe just a break from church for awhile. It is OK to not go to church you know! God understands all we do better than we understand it ourselves!
 
With Compassion for what you are going through,
Karen

integrity is shown when no one is looking

Sarah, I agree wholeheartedly with all Karen says. I continue to pray and light candles for you, that you will feel more light of heart.
 
I have a little area in my living room which is devoted to my way of praying. It has images of Christ and the Buddha on it, along with precious stones, affirmation cards, flowers, candles, what ever helps and inspires me.
 
Much Love, Jude

Love is the only way

Dear, dear Sandra . . .
I wrote you a message in another thread, but have also lit a candle of prayer and hope for you in the "all" group.
with much love to you my dear . . .
sparrow
Remember, you are not alone.

everything counts... ♥

i will light a candle, too.  nothing is impossible for God and i believe He forgives everything.  

[image]http://img185.imageshack.us/my.php?image=bcandle3fq9.gif[image]

My dearest Sandra, where do I begin? We go back a ways don't we? You have done so much for me in so little time. I feel like you have been in my life forever you know me so well!!!! I'm sorry that you are hurting my dear friend.  You know what I feel about the religious stuff. I do believe that maybe that specific church is not the one for you. No church should make you feel uncomfortable in No way!!!!  I know you miss your Louis terribly and nothing will ever change that. No words anyone can say will heal the pain you feel. As for the way you feel about God, I have to say that sometimes I have my doubts about Him too. (Even though you know I am a preacher's daughter) I do believe in Him to some extent but there is another part of me that I struggle with like why did my 2 babies die, and me not get to hold them, why does God let babies be born with illnesses and why does he let children get sick and die of incurable things and alot of other things that have happend in my life. (which most of it you know.) All I can tell you is that you do what you feel is right. I do believe that God is a loving God and that He does forgive us and I also believe that he knows that we miss our "forever babies". Also, He has to know that we don't understand everything that He has decided to do. My only hope is that when it's my time or yours (which I hope is NOT soon, that we will be able to understand the things that we so deperately need the answers too and that we will be able to hold our "forever babies" for all eternity! Sandra, you know that I love you and that I am here for you if you need me anytime!!!! You are like a sister to me and for that I am forever grateful!!!   You will never know how much you have helped me!! Please let all of us walk with you through this.

Dear Sandra,
you know Sandra you help a lot of people when you post. One thing about this forum is that it is so full of love and light. Edda is a shining star, as is Jude to name but two. They have so much love and compassion in their hearts.
 
You know if I could say what God is I would say he is Love. Thats all. Just love. And your love for your little one is not limited to time, to space, it transcends everything... 
 
I loved what Joya (mamaluvskids) said about forever babies.
You and your baby are in my prayers again today. Godlove you both.
gina and jackoryx

Sandra, I am sorry that you are hurting so much, prayers of love for you.
Glenys x