my friends anquish

I just found out that my friend who i have known for four years had a stillborn baby 35yrs ago,(out of wedlock) in those days mums didnt get to see thier stillborn babies and they were buried in a grave when the burial of someone else took place without the knowledge of the other and without her being told where her child was. In 2002 after years of silent anquish she was able to find out where the grave of her baby was though she was told she couldnt place flowers there as it would be intruding on the other family . We have talked at much length over this and her worst hurt is that her baby has never truely been aknowledged. She has now been told that they can remove the baby`s coffin from the other grave but this will involve the other family and depend on how they feel about having their loved one disturbed and she is not sure she could put them through that trauma so once again all her hurt and pain has resurfaced. Like i said earlier her most painful memories are that her baby was never aknowledged by anyone and was buried before my friend had even left the hospital.The baby`s father (now my friends husband ) was not allowed to be involved with any of the arrangements and my friends parents just wanted the whole thing dealt with as quickly as possible to avoid any "shame"  Sadly thats how people reacted to pregnancy out of wedlock in those days.
I have lit a candle to aknowledge "little tommy" and would appreciate your thoughts and prayers for just a moment for this dear little one who although was not planned was a much wanted baby by his mum and dad even though they were not married and is still much loved and remembered by them .
I know i have rambled on but please try and understand what i am trying albeit clumsily to say as i know my friend would be really touched to know her baby has at last been aknowledged as a real person albeit one who was "born to the angels"
GOD bless you all.
The candle i have lit is under "still"

Dear Lin, welcome to the forum! Don't worry, you have made yourself perfectly clear telling this difficult story about your friend.  I am touched by your compassion. We are grateful that things are usually handled much better in our days and that "shame" is less of a factor but, unfortunately, still often plays a role. The advise then was probably well meant, but all wrong. Your friend might still want to  plan a memorial service for her baby to help her feel that her baby has been acknowledged.
I'll be glad to light a candle in the group you have started.
Wishing you everything good,
Edda

Peace and joy!

THANK YOU SO MUCH TO THOSE THAT HAVE LIT CANDLES FOR BABY TOMMY , ITS HEARTWARMING AND OVERWHELMING TO KNOW THAT PEOPLE CARE.
MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL XXX

*LINDA*

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt within the heart.(helen keller)