Don´t know, where to go,
don´t know how to live.
I have family, friends, and
other people around me,
they say, the wish my best,
and I know it´s true.
And my feelings go down,
because somebody took me
into a prison,
in the prison of my heart.
During I wwant to get
through the hard things,
I push on the boundaries
of my prison, hundred times the
day.
And when I hurt myself on this limits,
I stand up, try it again, fall down and
try it again, but the boundaries are set
and I can´t open them,
I can´t extend them.
People tell me: I love you, and they mean it true.
But they also mean: I love you, why do you alsways
confront us with your bad feelings. You must help
yourself, try to take responsibility, noone can
live your life - and they are happy, the must not.
Did I ever run away from my responsibilities?
Did I run away if someone needs me?
Did I run away from my jobs,
Did I run away when the live was cruel?
Didn`t I offer day by day m y possibilities?
And they say: You don´t do it in the way w e do.
And I tried, to do it like they did.
And than, when some of them saw,
that I did it in the way they did,
they say to me:
No, thats nothing for you, you are not
the person, with the same rights as we,
y o u are not as we, y o u have to do it in
another way.
And years passed and I always did my things,
in the best way I could, and whenever I thought,
things worked better, one of them came and
told me:
sorry, I love you, but ...
And now, on the near end of my life,
I think by myself:
God, just one thing:
Did you forgot, that you gave me such
a big package? -  and I tried, as good as
I could, to make it in the honest way,
sure - also to my best - but ever the
lit of my eyes shown to your side,
to do it well.
If you have something really good
for me, how can I see it? Because,
I have no hope, no idea, what I can do
in the future, to have a little bit also for me,
where nobody tell me: No, t h a t s not for
you, and put it away.
You all say to me, you love me and you
all lay me in chains, every day.
And they  all say, I love you, but...
 
 
 
 

Isabel, you are perfect, just as you are.  Love, Jude
 
“use a magnifying glass when looking for something positive which can be affirmed!”
Thomas Merton.

Love is the only way

Dear Isabella,
 
thank you for sharing these words with us. You are longing for unconditional love with no strings attached, no buts... just to be loved for who you are! This is so very hard to find and such a special gift. I think it holds the key to your prison. You have done everything the way you can, and I think very well. Don't let others tell you differently! It is not for us to judge others. I believe that God is a much kinder judge than we humans, and knows how much we tried! I believe that God's love is unconditional, but this may be hard to believe if one hasn't experienced it on a human level.
 
Much love to you and warm hugs,
Edda

Peace and joy!

Dear Isabella . . .
I read your poem earlier today but was so saddened that you feel that you are not enough . . . I could not write a response right away.
You are a beautiful, precious spirit who shines a pure light into the forum. It pains me to read that you feel yourself so unworthy.
It is not for "others" to judge, and the soul of God would not judge you either. I spent much time in my life hating myself, thinking (and being told by "others") that I was not worth anything. Then I thought of God and was again told by "others" that God condemns those who don't live up to his standards. It was then that I decided that I could not believe in a God who would condemn someone for doing their very best. That is when the true God showed his face to me . . . He, or whoever we see him as being, whether it be spirit, love, energy, or light is not a condemning entity. He loves unconditionally . . . he loves you and he loves me. And he loves unconditionally.
We all have our ways of getting through the day, of surviving what happens to us in our lives . . . no one else can judge our efforts. Isabella, you are good enough. Try, please if you can, to use that key with your own unconditional love . . . of those who condemn you, but more importantly, of yourself. The doors to your prison will open wide and you will be free.
with much love to you . . .
sparrow

everything counts... ♥

Dear Isabella,

Your poem is so touching, and I would so much like to repond in our common mother-tongue!
Please come to Gratefulness Groups in Your Community > GGG, where we can share feelings and thoughts in German!

Much Love meanwhile,
Juliana
_____________________________
Speak Peace in a World of Conflict

Isabella,
 
You are a person God has made created in His image, in the Image of God.. You do not need to be a replica of anyone else. Love, and  that is all that is necessary and allow God to judge. These people should not judge you ,they do not have any rights to judgement at all. Jesus never did this.
 
" Love the Lord you God with all your heart , soul and mind, and neighbor as thyself" that is what is required nothing more. That is our New Commandment covering all the other ten not doing away with them but this is what we need to consider, and that is it!
 
I think we all have felt as you to a degree anyway. no one is ever able to  please all men/women. I know I let people down often as maybe I am not able to get to church enough, or get to a meeting, as i have chronic pain. I know what I can handle and even more God does. People want people to do what they feel is right, but it may be right or it may not, but we must discern what is best for us, and what we tink our Lord would wants us to do according to our abilities. We all have made past mistakes and they are what they are, if we have repented they are gone, and only ''right now'' exists!
 
Am sure your love shines through, and just keep loving in spite of how  hard people make it, they made it very hard for Jesus also, he did not conform to the worldly ways.
 
God Bless you and hold you up with His right hand,
 
Sister Carol

You are a person God has made created in His image, in the Image of God.. You do not need to be a replica of anyone else. Love, and that is all that is necessary and allow God to judge. These people should not judge you ,they do not have any rights to judgement at all. Jesus never did this.

Dear Sister Carol thank you for these words they will heal many people I am sure.
 
 


Dearest Isabella,
 
You are perfect try  not to  let other's darken your thought's.I know this is easier
 
said then done though...

 
You are a beautiful creation and so many people are so gald that you are you Isabella.
 
Gentle hugs and lots of love Sandra ♥ and little Isabella ♥.
 
Do you know Isabella  ,Jude reminded me  that Bella means Beautiful ♥
 

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

Dear Isabella, the one with such a Beautiful name, just saying your name brings a peace- I wish I knew exactly what to write to make it better, to take it away, look at what the ladies have written to you, You must Believe to Achieve, some motto I tell myself everyday, the ladies on the forum are so very wise, and you are sharing so that can help to lift the weight of the burden.  I know a constant focus must be put on or those darken valleys will creep up and bring you down, please try to look for the blessing of the day, or the silver lining, even the smallest tiniest step will help in the journey.  I know the wave become very large- and look overwhelming, look to God he can bring you through the storm. 
It is better to live this life with the hope of God than to live life without any hope.
I hope these words bring you a warm beat in your heart, a little sunshine to brighten the dark valley, and I found a song that may help too-  I hope you will click on the link
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TipLsmZgjI
 
I leave you with Love and Prayers:

The Gift of Austin
http://www.totsites.com/tot/babyaustinajr
WLAP, Austin's mommy
http://www.musicalcreations.biz/samples.html

Hello, dears,
 
I know that HE do not judge - better - I feel, that HE wouldn´t do it as we, we so "perfect" humans; It is hard to believe in the existence of GOD if I look around me and listen to the people, their meanings, their hopes, their wishes, and of mine.
The most are so different, that I ask myself every day, why I am not like they?!?
The most of them are able to accept: to lose a person the love, but the most are not able to accept to lose their home, to lose their money, to lose their car...
And when we are talking about this reason - because t h e y cannot accept, that I am suffering about my daughter or my partner, they think, I don´t w a n t to feel better,; they think, that I  deceive myself when I reply that they "suffer" about lost materials, and beg them to look, what about they are suffering: and they say, that it is different. Different because they must l i v e - and I answer: yes, to live is our assignement, but I also want to l i v e in a good way; and that for m e it isn´t bad to have no car, but it isn´t easy, to have lost someone.
So it goes on, and I lose my words, because I cannot find equal terms...
 
Sometimes I think, that those people - and some of them I like so much, want to punish me because I can´t goe conform with them.
they cannot understand, that grieve can be more than suffer about lost things.
(The first time the wheren´t with us, when my daughter died - of course - I can understand that they didn´t know what to say, to do;
and now, as they know about my broken relationship to my partner, it´s the same).
They cannot understand, that it´s not easy, to patch up (?) broken hearts like a broken car...
Maybe that I am selfish to cannot find the right level to them.
 
I hope, that my words are not confusing, especially because of the different language, but also because of what I mean.
 
thank you, to trust, that I could be a relatively sensitive person, but I am not really sure.
 
love, Is.

Dearest Isabella,
I hear what you are trying to say perfectly, and I understand.
I remember, when my ex-husband first left me, how hurt I was (and still am) by people not understanding how I felt.
 
From a distance now, I can see things a little more clearly. I am someone who always tries to see all and everyone's side of a thing, but then I could only see my side of things. My husband was leaving me, he had hurt me, emotionally, mentally and physically. How could people defend him??
 
It was this seeming lack of understanding from my friends which hurt me most of all.
 
But now I see they were only trying to help me see things from a different perspective. It made me angry at the time. I still get angry when people don't seem to see things from my perspective, but I've stopped resenting it. That is them.......this is me. I know in my heart what is best for me (ususally) so it doesn't matter if others don't agree. It hurts, but not so much now.
 
Yes, of course people and relationships are much more important than 'things' but the people you mention don't want to imagine going through such pain as you are. If they let themselves feel that pain it will be more than they can bear (they think) so they don't feel it. They hide from it.
 
On the other hand, I can't imagine the pain I will feel if I have to leave the home where I now live.
 
You see? It's a different kind of pain, not to be compared to losing a person.
 
With much Love and Hugs,
Jude

Love is the only way

Sometimes dear Isabella,
I think people are so afraid of their own pain and sickness and fear
that they avoid
or run away from the pain, fear and sickness of others.
A very dear friend of mine was in the hospital,
and grieved terribly,
that her friend from childhood
never came to see her there,
never called to offer support,
never sent her a card of concern.
This childhood friend was no less a friend than I,
but was chased away from caring
by her own demons.
If we can understand this sometimes
it can make our own burden easier to bear,
because it will be our own burden only,
and not what we inflict by feeling
onto others . . .
with much love, dear Isabella . . .
sparrow

everything counts... ♥

Isabelle - one with the beautiful name - all the other responses are so true and I hope you have found strength in them.  Being alone can so often be confused with loneliness. When I have my moments of being lonely I pray that all the Angels and Saints - in heaven and on earth - are there with me, of course knowing full well that they are.
This, for me, is the greatest strength in prayer - that the whole Communion of Angels and Saints is supporting me - and every day I get older, I know the long long list has been added to by wonderful people.
Blessings.

Welcome to the forums, Br. Graham-Michael!
 
This forum for groups isn't visited very often except for the German section (GGG). I did noticed that you posted in the Grateful Living forum where more people will become aware of you presence. I hope you will visit often and share with us your experience and wisdom.
 
With every good wish,
Edda

Peace and joy!

I too welcome you Brother Graham-Michael and look forward to reading more posts from you,
 
Blessings,
Jude

Love is the only way

I am sorry, to look at this thread such late again..
especially because I didn´t thank @ By Gray and welcome him too.
 
And yes, Jude, I read your answer again, and I thought of myself, when I said good night on the other thread, that it would be so relieved (?), to can forget, and that it is a special gift, to can think of person we love from all of our hearts, to see over their and my own faults.
But one year later, after loosing two people in a very short time, nearly nothing came better, and it needs so much strength to push away all thoughts about them, for some hurt, there is no healing, for some loss too...
 
And yes, By Gray, we grow older, and because of this reason, some parts of our life should change in speed, for we have less and less time, to can stand up, if we can, and I know, that friendship brakes, if somebody cannot stand up or stand up and fall again, in the next moment, just little things happen - friendship must be strong as steel cable, to hold...
 
In that moment, some love "brakes" or friendship brakes, I know, that it never could have been in the past and than I ask over and over, what it w a s...
 
This days of remembrences are the days, weeks,where all wounds lay open and it don´t need much, to go down.
 
I will change the site, and try to save my little strength of this day.
 
m.l.f.a.
is.

Hope Coach...
you´ve told this story a longer time ago, and indeed, ... thank you for this story I´ve read today...
 
 
The story doesn't end there. Brenda's father is a cartoonist. When she told him the incredible story of the ant, the prayer, and the contact lens, he drew a cartoon of an ant lugging that contact lens with the caption, 'Lord, I don't know why You want me to carry this thing. I can't eat it, and it's awfully heavy. But if this is what You want me to do, I'll carry it for You.'
 
If God, or my daughter, or others I love or try to give my really, really good thoughts, wishes, feelings, yes,
 
if it is, to change your badness into a better thing,
if it would depend from it, that freedom is all over there,
I swore, I would understand, that - not onle me - we all know this - have sometimes nearly the "whole world" as a big backpack on our shoulders, but .. . is it like this?
I am not so wrapped up into my own world, that I would think, that especially m e is t h e
person, who GOD would choose, to change something special and very useful
Sometimes I ask myself what`s "useful" of me.
 
We cannot share people we have lost, only in our prayers or thoughts, but nobody can touch thoughts, hug them, feel the warmth of humans...it is so unfair, unfair....
 
 
 
 
 

Sometimes I ask myself what`s "useful" of me

 
Dear Isabella I don't think God gives us heavy loads to carry not at all.I guess sadly we all carry so many heavy loads.
We will never understand 'why' but we must try to unload some of the 'weight' of the 'backpack' because otherwise it will cripple us in the end.
 
 
You are a very very  caring person who does no harm to anyone so you are very 'useful ' to so many people.
 
Yes it is 'unfair' at times and I wish it were different but sadly this is life.
 
Take care Isabella sending you some gentle hugs((♥♥))

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

We cannot share people we have lost, only in our prayers or thoughts, but nobody can touch thoughts, hug them, feel the warmth of humans...it is so unfair, unfair....

 
Dearest Isabella.
 the word "unfair" is one that I am using a lot at the moment, even though I know life isn't always "Fair"
 
I think we as humans feel deeply the unfairness of life, not only for ourselves, but in general.
 
For me it is so unfair that my kind and gentle Son (as he was not so long ago) is now an aggressive unkind bully, and what is worse is the fact that his girlfriend is too! UNFAIR !!!
 
I envisaged a lifetime of Love and kindness from him. I don't know which is worse, to lose a child or to lose the love of your child.
 
....My little dog Rosie has sensed my upset and has come to put her head in my lap. That's Love ♥
 
Sending you Sisterly Love and Hugs dear Isabella.
Jude
 
(((((((♥)))))))

Love is the only way

Dearest Isabella,
 
Life isn't always fair, and there is no easy answer to that!
 
What bothers me even more, though, when "Life is not fair" is used as an excuse for not trying to be fair when and where it is possible. This kind of unfairness adds insult to injury. While I can't change what others are doing, I can try to be fair in my own thoughts and actions!
 
Dear Isabella, you are more "useful" than you realize. Your difficult life has given you a profound understanding of others who suffer. You have shared this lovingly, and made others not feel so alone.
 
Much love and warm hugs,
Edda

Peace and joy!

Dear Jude,
 
I am so sorry for you, and yes, it IS a hard part to loose the love of the own child and it is unfair-even we didn´t make our faults with aim (?)...but we tried to do many good things and our intention was to do everything good 
You had a loss in a bad way too, and of course much more.
When I am writing here, maybe, my thoughts are thoughts so many, many people have too,
and I am sorry, that I cannot dosomething, to make it better for you or, better said, to have an arm long enough to hug you, maybe to cry together, but to feel after that better.
I only want to say to you, that you ever, ever can hope, that one day your son will stay with you to start again, and that he knows one day, that he always had and have your love, and he just couldn´t see it. I know, its very hard to wait of this moment.
 
You will be in my thoughts before I go to sleep, as many here,
only my hugs,
love,
is.