Hello My Family....
 
I got a phone call from my mother about an hour ago at work to tell me my Aunty in Boston has passed away.My Aunty was/is such a caring person and I loved talking to her on the telephone.This lady was a saint as my Dear Uncle use to gamble so much  and at times she worked two shifts just to keep her children's tummies full (My Uncle sadly died a few years ago God rest his soul.)
 
Aunty Flo was full of love and her words she spoke were always full of sunshine.I know she is at peace right now as she is with her loved ones .I am sure Louis was there at the gates with his arms open wide for a cuddle.
 
I feel so sad for my Mother as once again I can hear the sadness in her vocie .It brings me back to the day I gave birth to Louis when I told her on the phone how my long awaited little boy was dying.She cried so much as she asked why could God not take her and not my baby.
 
I can't ever protect my Mother from death just like I can't myself.My heart breaks for my Mother it really does.
 
I have not seen my Mother for several months because her eyes tell me her heart is broken and I can't ever repair it.I see the sadness in her eyes as she longs to take my Louis's place.
 
When she looks at me she is a broken Mother and  inside I feel such sadness for her as Louis never got the chance to know her.
 

Can I ask you to light a candle for Aunty Flo and pray that my Mother somehow comes through all of this pain.
 
Thank you love Sandraxxxx
 
 

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

Dearest Sandra,
I am so sorry to hear about your auntie Flo. You know, I think your mother might really need your help in grieving for Louis and Flo. I wouldn't stay away form her. Grief is painful...it's the nature of it, but it isn't made easier by trying not to show it. It isn't for me to say really, but do you think your mother would be helped if you talked to her?
 
I had an autie Flo. She was my Mother's aunt, and just like yours she was a ray of sunshine. Everyone loved her, and the sadness of her life was that she was unable to have children. My clearest memory of her is of sitting in front of her in church and listening to her clear high soprano voice singing hymns. She had blond/white hair which had never been cut, and was plaited and wound into ear-phone type things. She had a round rosy face and always wore a wraparound pinafore. A lovely woman.
 
I really hope you and your mother can get a little closer now.
 
Much Love, Jude

Love is the only way

Dear Sandra,
A warm hug for you and for your mum. Your Auntie Flo sounds a lovely and inspiring person...
I will light a candle in her memory, but also for you, Louis and for your mum. You know what is making my heart feel warm right now, what you said about little Louis will be there for Flo. Thats so nice.
lots of love Sandra. I wish I had a magic wand for you hun. I would gladly change what has happened, but I cant.
love you all
Gina and jackory

Dearest Sandra, I am so very sorry about your Aunty Flo, but so very proud of you and how very open to healing you are.

I am sure Louis was there at the gates with his arms open wide for a cuddle.

. Perhaps this could be a very special time for you and your Mother. There is no one who ever can heal a broken heart, only the Holy One. Could it possibly be that even though you can't heal the heart hurt, you might be able to ease it just a little? Would it be possible to share with your Mum all those special little Christmas moments of Louis' presence to you and help her understand that You, Louis' forever Mummy can share her pain and tears with her but you can also share all the joy of the angel feathers, the special place on the Christmas tree, etc., that you have so graciously shared with us. After that special "welcome home" cuddle he gave your Aunty Flo, maybe he is now reaching out for his forever Mummy's hand and wanting to lead her to help her Mum 's heart hurt become a little less painful. Dear One, you know that you, your Mother and your Aunty's family are held in my heart and prayers and a candle will be lit for all. How very special that it is your little one who is there to welcome Home the other family members. Blessings on you all.

Yesterday is gone forever.Tomorrow may not come. Live Fully each moment today. Look for Good Things that Happen to you Every Day.

Dear Jude
 
Your Aunty Flo sounds just like mine a complete Joy to have known bless them both.I called my cousin but she is out so I will try again soon.
 
I sent Aunty Flo a Christmas card yesterday and told her how well I was doing, little did I know she was with Louis then.
 
Jude my mother would never talk about Louis and this makes me sad. I have tried several times to include Louis in conversation about grandchildren.
 
My Mother just says well he is dead now and God takes care of him. This makes feel like he never existed but he did and does .
 
I have tried so hard to look at it for her point of view but I just can’t.
 
I once said I found a white feather and that this is a sign Louis is with me, she told me not to be stupid.
 
Jude I need to believe in little things like this to carry on. I don’t ever talk about Louis to any one in my family but I need to keep him alive inside of me.Is this really too much to ask ?
 
Not sure if you understand ,you may think this does not matter as my Mother is my Mother.
 
Jude I can’t turn my back on signs from Louis as no Mother would ever ignore their child.
 
Maybe I am going mad but for me this is what keeps me knowing Louis must be with me and in so many ways it‘s sad that my birth family can‘t see what I see.
 
Sorry to be harsh Jude but I have tried so hard but I can‘t change the way I feel.
 
Sandraxxxx
 
 
 
.

Dear Gina and Jackory
 
Yes this is what made me feel happy as I know Louis is kind and gentle just like his Daddy.
 
Thank you for lighting a candle….
 
I really wish you had a majic wand as well.
 
Sandraxxxx
 
 
 
Dearest Betty
 
Thank you for your kind words bless you…..
 
Sadly my Mother does not feel the way I do about signs from Louis. I guess we all are individual but it saddens me to think that other’s would try and take away a big part of what makes me believe Louis must be with me.
 
Not sure if I am being nasty but I cling so much to these signs and it’s soul destroying to be told they are nonsense.
 
On a lighter note though I am going to see my Mother on Saturday as Grief is very hard to cope with alone.
 
Thank you again for your reply,Sandraxxxx

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

Dear Sandra,
It's amazing how much you have 'grown' since you first came on the Forum. I mean this in a very genuine and complimentary way.
It sounds as if you are a much stronger woman than your mother, love her. As you say it is sad, not only for you, but for her, that she can't express her grief for Louis.
I don't think I understand what you mean when you say you might sound harsh. I don't think you do at all. It is so natural for a child to need comfort from a parent, but I have come to realize that some people, often of your Mother's generation, cannot express emotions very well, and can sound dismissive of others. We have to accept them as they are and hope that our unconditional love for them will soften them a little.
I have 2 friends whos mothers won't talk about their feelings, or anyone elses for that matter. It is a heartache for my friends, but I have got them both to accept their mothers just as they are. Like you, my friends are both warm and compassionate people themselves and they find it hard that thier mothers can't be.
My mother wouldn't talk to me about her own mother because it hurt her too much, but eventually, because it meant so much to me, she gave me the letters she had received from her mother when my two older siblings were staying with their grandmother during the war years. This little act seemed to free my mother up and she was able to talk a bit more to me. My grandmother died before I was born and my mother always said I was born in order to comfort her.
 
I'll be thinking of you, Blessings, Jude

Love is the only way

Dear Sandra,
 
I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved aunt Flo! My heart goes out to you and your mother. You said that you will see her on Saturday. Go with an open mind and heart. Perhaps you will be surprised and find a new closeness with your mother. Listen to her and see what she is ready to hear!
 
I will light a candle for your aunt in the ALL group,
 
Much love and waarm hugs,
Edda

Peace and joy!

Dear Jude
 
My grandmother died before I was born and my mother always said I was born in order to comfort her.

 
Jude I am sure your Mother wanted you so much as most people want a child to love.Parents sometimes say things they don't really mean to say ( no offense parents).
 
Your words are full of sense unlike mine my Dear...
 
Jude I have come to learn my family love me dearly but they just don't understand the loss of a child.I am so grateful they don't really as if they did they too would be like me.
 
Maybe it is a generation thing I am not sure ,but what I do know is I care so much for my Mother and her sadness is mine tonight bless her.
 
Yes Jude I have 'grown' alot or is it I have an  understanding now that part of the mist has gone.
 
Love and warmth Jude ,Sandraxxxx
 
 
 
Dearest Edda
 
Thank you for lighting a candle for Aunty Flo it means a lot to me it reallly does.
 
Yes I will go with an open mind and heart as I can see my Mother getting more frail each time I visit.
 
I do love my Mother dearly and I want her not to have to carry the pain she does.
 
Thank you again,love Sandraxxxx

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

Sandra,
I never took offense at what my mother said about me being born to comfort her......on the contrary, I felt priveleged that that's how she felt about me, especially knowing how badly she took her own mother's death. It also gave me a connection with the grandmother I never met.
 
Love, Jude

Love is the only way

Dear Jude
 
Forgive me I miss read not sure why.yes that's a great comfort sorry I'm sure.
 
Sandraxxxx

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

Dear Sandra . . .
I am so sorry to hear of the (sudden?) loss of your dear Aunty Flo . . . and so far away.
This might be a good time for you to reach out to your mother when you visit. In her sorrow, she might be more open to  your wisdom and comfort. My own mother and I became very open with each other for about ten years. She has said to me many times, that she wished that she could have had this kind of relationship with her own mother. I think much of that reserve is a generational thing, as back then mother's just didn't relate that personally to their daughters. It was not the "norm". These last few years it has been harder with my own mother, but this is because as she becomes more frail and fearful of losing what little independence she still has, her concerns have turned inward. But I am so very grateful for the "good" years and I love her deeply anyway.
I will keep you in my heart as you visit with your mother this weekend, and pray that you and she will be able to forge a new, more intimate connection with each other.
My thoughts go with you
with much love . . .
sparrow

everything counts... ♥

Dear Sandra, I am sure Flo would have known you were wishing her a nice Christmas... I am sure they come and celebrate and touch our hearts somehow. When a close friend died (he was actually really close to my mum, but knew me) a thing he had bought for me that was securely fixed to the wall, fell off, and there was a book about nursing that I fouand, on the floor, one morning when I got up. My daughter had wanted to be a nurse and I think it was his way of saying "keep going please" as my daughter found his passing really difficult, he was her stand in grandfather, as she grew up with only me and my mum.
 
I will light another candle for you Sandra. And for Flo. I do think Susie and Jude have summed up mothers somehow. My own mother is distant really. She is not one for hugs or warm talk. I wonder if it is because she grew up in the war years, when her Dad was away, and my grandmother with two daughters must have found life difficult and could spare them little time. I have a close friend who I think of as like a mum. I can talk to her about anything and she never "judges", just listens and contributes.
 
It is hard though Sandra. I know where you are coming from really. It is nice to talk to someone about your children, whether they are here, with you or not. It is nice to share things, share your memories and your thoughts. I will light a candle for  your mum too Sandra.
love and light
Gina.
 

My Dear Sparrow,
 
I am glad you have this relationship with your Mother I really am.
Thank you for your kind words, yes it was sudden for us. My mother could not get hold of her on her land line (she had been trying for a couple of weeks). Last night she called again and got my cousin Brenda only to be told Aunty Flo passed away on Sunday.
 
 
As for my Mother I long to hold and hug my Mother yet she does not want this not at all. Don’t get me wrong I do love my Mother so much .She worked so hard to raise all 8 of us! I often use to be in bed at night when she left for work and cry as I wanted her to be home with us. She worked so hard all of her life and she did the best she could for us all.
 
 
When I was pregnant I told Louis every single day I loved him and I hugged my tummy so much as I wanted to show him the affection and love I so badly craved for. I know Mother showed us love in other ways but for me all I wanted was a hug and to be told she loved me.
Sorry to turn this post around but the need to share with my on line family is so powerful tonight.
 
 
The funny thing is that for the last two night I have been talking to my Mother for over an hour each night. She will not allow me to share my thoughts on Louis (I have tried to dip my toe in ) ,but she is happy to talk about Aunty Flo so maybe this is a good start. So maybe something so good has come out of this sadness.
 
 
Take care Sparrow ,love Sandraxxxxx
 
 
Dear Gina
 
 
What a lovely sign you got thank you for sharing this with me
 
The way you sum up your Mother I can relate to this with my own Mother.
 
In many ways she does not mean to hurt me, but maybe now after loss, my life has completely changed .Changed because Louis has turned me into a different person ,also changed because I have been touched by an Angel….Many people only get to dream of them I held one….
 
 
Gina can you share your friend with me….on second thoughts I have so many of these friends on this forum you included.
 
I call you all my ‘Grateful Family’ that’s because I am so grateful to you all….
 
Thank you for the candles ,love and warmth always Sandraxxxx

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

Dear Sandra . . .
I am happy to hear that you have been able to have some good conversations with your mother. Maybe right now must be her time to talk, as she has just lost her beloved sister. In time as her sorrow settles, perhpas her heart will be open to allowing you to express your grief over the loss of Louis. Like you said, "...maybe somethins so goo has come out of this sadness."
with love . . .
sparrow

everything counts... ♥