And I am grateful that God trusted I was going to be the best Mom for Robby for the 33 years he was here. The least I can do is trust Him.

 
Lynn......that's perfect. I can't even comment on it.
 
With Love, Jude

Love is the only way

Lynn, Your comment as Jude says "is Perfect". Blessings that you have been so very open to feeling what needs to be felt
and to allowing God to heal you in spite of it all. Joya, dear, what Edda brought up in another thread is so very true. Often
miscarriage is because of malformation. Why does this happen, who is to blame?? With all the chemicals, pollution, carcinogens etc., in our air, water, foods, how can we blame God for what society has done to the planet He created? When I was a hospital chaplain, so often there would be 10, 14, 18 year olds dying with extremely rare forms of cancer when there was no history of cancer in their families. As so many have said, the children you have now need their mother and the greatest gift you can give them and yourself is to allow yourself to heal physically and give your body time to build up again. Any pregnancy takes an awful lot from the woman to nourish the life in the womb. Please, take care of yourself and give youself time to heal both emotionally and especially physically.

Yesterday is gone forever.Tomorrow may not come. Live Fully each moment today. Look for Good Things that Happen to you Every Day.

Sparrow, how fortunate you are to have seen the grace of this deepest truth.  And it truely is a grace to see this as you do. 

Lynn I do not know what more to say other than what Jude and Betty said. Perefct.  Thank you.

Joya, it does take so much time to come to the understandings that Sparrow and Lynn write of.  One must be in, go through, the grief to come to the understanding.  You are held by many arms here.  Held in the hearts of many.  I do agree with Edda and Betty.  This was not about anything you did wrong.  I believe that someday you too will know this, Joya. 

I am lighting another candle.  Just know your babies are truely okay.  Grieving the loss is natural.  Nothing was your fault. And they are okay.  As Betty has said, I too ask you to give your body, as well as spirit and soul, time to heal.  You have been through a great deal. Your body needs time to heal.  Really heal.  I am sending love and light, liliwings

No need to spend endless hours, days, weeks searching for the rainbow.  Open your heart and your eyes to see and know you are the rainbow you seek.  Rejoyce in the beauty of the co-creation of you.

ORIGINAL: lilsparrow

You know . . .
reading these posts, Juliana, Joya, Sandra, Buba, and Isabella  . . .
and others like me who have lost children
(and others in fact, whom we have loved) . . .
looking into the picture of the lit candles in the dark,
hearing the words of comfort and love
from Jude, liliwings, Edda and Karen . . .
it occurs to me that as a ship is lost to sight from shore,
like these children are lost to us,
there is another shore to which they have been greeted,
and they are not truly lost at all,
but have done what they came here to do
and have moved on
not without love
but without fear.
 
We don't understand this perhaps
because we still see death as the bogeyman.
I am learning that death is just a door into rebirth . . .
I hope I do not hurt with these words,
and they are relatively new to my tongue as well.
It is hard to stomach when we are so emotionally attached
and do not want to let them go . . .
but go they must,
as must we someday as well,
and I think that in the end,
it will not be so scary after all
with love . . .
sparrow

 
that really is a beautiful way to look at things. I appreciate this post as it is the time of year I lost my dad. Losing anyone to the "other side" is very hard, but the way you put it Sparrow makes me feel better about the whole thing.
 
thanks for your thoughtful post.
 
with love and a hug, karen

integrity is shown when no one is looking

Dear Joya,
 
I hope by the time you read this that you are feeling just a tiny bit more strong. I did not say better, but stronger. You will have a tough time dealing with all this, but you are a resilient person, I know that from talking to you. Life is hard sometimes but we can all be like a tree, strong but yet able to bend when the storms of life blow. We can do this without breaking most of the time. Yes it is so extremely difficult, but we can survive and learn to cope. I pray for you everyday Joya that you will gain a foothold in what you still have to do, with your family and your life. Just put one foot in front of the other for awhile. if that is all you can do. It will hopefully become a little bit easier over time.
 
WIth Much Love and Hope for You,
Karen

integrity is shown when no one is looking

To Karen, Lilwings, Sparrow,Edda, Lynn, Imenuff, Jude, Buba, Juliana & Sandra, thanks so much for your contiued support with the thoughtful words and candles. Especially while I was out of town. They have meant so very much. I don't think that you will ever know how much! Last week was very hectic and hard for me. I did stay real busy with all the kids and my mom needing help as well. I guess though even staying busy though I was very tired might have been a good thing for me. As I am back now to be honest I am physically and emotionally drained. I think everything hit me like a ton of bricks when I got back. I still can't believe that only 3 weeks ago I lost my 3rd angel baby. It is so very hard to accept. I don't think that I ever will. With your help though maybe somehow I will be able to get through each and every day one step at a time. The kids have not been as upset when they talk about the baby so I think that they have now tried to accept what has happend. My hubby and I have had many talks with them about the baby though and have told them that it is ok to be upset and to talk about their feelings. We have also told them that we don't want them to ever forget their angel brother or sister. (Which I am sure they won't) My hubby lost a brother that was stillborn and he told the kids how he always still thought of his brother and wondered what his brother would be like today. The thought my baby being deformed or not being able to be compatable to life did cross my mind as that is what the doctor had told me that sometimes that is what happens. I guess you just never think that that can happen to you. I guess as a mom though I have made myself for some reason think that there might have been something I could have done to prevent my babies deaths. I have told my hubby though that it has been hard as I have had many people tell me that I have not taken my last babies death easy. I told my hubby that everyone deals with grief differently and how am I suppose to take it. To know that I will NEVER hold my babies on earth again or see them reach any milestone is more than I can take right now. I guess in the future I will learn that I will have to accept this as well. Thanks again for all your love, thoughtful words and your lighting candles for me and my family.  

Dear Joya,

Sending you love and light....

Its good to hear the kids are doing better now. I hope each day finds you in God's arms during your grief. You are so right that each person handles their grief differently. DO remember dear it was not your fault in anyway. Bless your heart!

Peace, Love and Joy,
Diane

Grateful to be here!
What a gift and connection builder!
Love and Gratitude,
Love who You Are

Dear Joya,
 
You are in my heart and prayers! Thank you for sharing with us how you are doing. Grieving and healing take a long time. I am glad your children are doing well. They need you! I hope you are getting some rest!
 
I am keeping a candle lit for you!
Much love,
Edda

Peace and joy!

Dear Joya,
Thank you for sharing with us how you are, and I'm glad the children are coping better now. It's great that you and your hubby talk so openly with them.
 
As Edda says, I hope you are getting plenty of rest.
 
With Love, Jude

Love is the only way

Dear, dear Joya . . .
I am happy to hear that you are home now,
and have an opportunity
(I hope)
to get some much-needed rest.
When we do not have the rest we need
it affects our thinking very much . . .
rest will help you as you work your way through grieving,
and will also make a difference in how you are able to help your children
through their grieving as well
with much love . . .
sparrow
♥

everything counts... ♥

Dear mamaluvskids:  Joya  name that brings a smile
 
I wanted to post after reading your shared story only everything i wrote i erased, I remembered how it wasn't what I wanted to read or hear after it happened to me.  I know each experience is unique and I just hope the poem I post will bring you some comfort.  I still have a hard time when I think back, a part of me blocks that,  what I will share is  I was Pregnant at the same time my niece was, we were both due at the same time within a couple of days only that at 13 weeks  for me the journey turned to devasting sorrow, she went on and was blessed with a healthy baby Boy, March 8th-  I couldn't and wouldn't go to the baby shower or visit at the hospital, it was just to poinful, call it running and hiding, call it cowardness, I just asked for understanding as I tried to deal with this especially when you have gone through 3 Blessed Gifts of pregnancy , and then with out trying, without thinking about wanting to or not wanting to, I learned I was Gifted again, this time i kept the news until i couldn't keep the news,  this time was to be a baby boy, this time he would be November and what a Truly Wonderful Gift from God.  This time my same niece was pregnant again only she was due in March again 4 months after, either way now I don't go
around when she brings the boys to family gatherings as each one of hers are the same age as mine would be on Earth.
 
Here is the poem:  Written by a very Dear Person  J Sherman
 
 
How do I say Good bye
 
 
How do I say Good Bye
When everything’s wrong in my eyes
When what’s happening shouldn’t be
When living is killing me
 
How can I say Good Bye
When I should be going first
When I’ll never understand why
Of all pain this is the worst
 
How can I say Good Bye
When I couldn’t say it face to face
Why would I say good bye
When I wish I could take his place
 
When you can’t let go
Can’t take it back
Won’t give in to the pain
But the road ahead seems black
 
My heart hasn’t beaten since then
My breathing is forced and strained
My life has been robbed from me
Myself I can’t stop to blame
 
I’m sorry God but “why” I’ll keep asking
Though you said I’ll not understand
Your Promise I must hold tight to
My Life and my Baby are in your Hands
 
I know God, you will unite us again
I believe this future to be true
And then till eternity and beyond
We’ll be together me my Baby and You
 
Good Bye needs not be said
That’s why it feels so wrong
So I’ll live from day to day
And say “See You Later” instead
 
My Tears will keep on falling
My Heart may never really beat
The emptiness will not be filled
Cause I miss my Baby so Sweet
 
But others also need me
And I too need them
Together we’ll all get through this
Till together we ALL are again.
 
In Loving Memory of Austin Jacob Grant Roth
11-02-20006 ~ 07-29-2008
 
JRS
 
I hold on to many lines of this poem to take anothe step forward and all i can offer is a Prayer of comfort and grace for you and your family, I can offer a suggestion to journal your thoughts, sometimes you may want to shred the paper after you have written it, I caution you on that one, and you may want to plant a Tree or a Rose bush at this time and watch it grow commemerating each year as tribute to your Beautiful Little One,
Last but not least I offer a Boy Dedication that is inscribed on an Angel holding up a baby:
"I prayed for this child and the Lord answered my prayer and gave him to me.
Now, I dedicate him to the Lord. He will belong to the Lord all his life."
                                      Samuel 1:27-28
 
With Love and Prayers ♥♥♥
One Day-- SOMEDAY

The Gift of Austin
http://www.totsites.com/tot/babyaustinajr
WLAP, Austin's mommy
http://www.musicalcreations.biz/samples.html

I am still praying for you daily that things will slowly but surely get easier to deal with over time. Not that you would forget. but perhaps that the thoughts that are negative would gradually slip from your forethoughts into the back of your mind. But the love with always be foremost in your heart. Always.

I love you,
Hugs,
~K

integrity is shown when no one is looking

Good Bye needs not be said
That’s why it feels so wrong
So I’ll live from day to day
And say “See You Later” instead

Just perfect dear Xanadue,perfect...
 
♥
 
 
 
 
Dear Joya children are so open with their feelings this is one of the many beautiful things about children. I can see by what you say they are indeed moving gently forward and this is what we all would wish for,for the children and you us time .Your love for all your children will indeed stay with you for eternity as we both know.
 
♥
 
 
Joya when I read compatable to life ,sadly for my own little Louis this is what he did not have.For me I would have loved him then whatever the outcome of his disabilty ,but Joya now if I am really really honest I know my darling little boy would have suffered so much and maybe this is selfish but I am not sure if I could have coped seeing him suffer not at all.As parents we would rather suffer than our child so now I know for me maybe if I am true to myself it was for Louis such a blessing to pass on.
 
Life is hard at times Joya but for me I have been blessed in so many ways I really have..as we all have..

♥

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

Sorry now I can not edit the post aboveI did not mean to belittle my child not ever.I hope this did not upset anyone it's just me being open about me no one else they are my feelings toward my family.Love is after all the most powerful thing...
 
♥

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

Xanadue,
 
The poem is perfect. Such wisdom in your words today.
 
Sandra,
 
Your honest feelings are always welcome. And you're sensitivity and compassion shows through in your words and actions here.
 
Joya,
 
May each day be blessed with loving kindness for you as you heal within in your own unique way.
 
God Bless You,
Peace, Love and Joy,
Diane
 
 

Grateful to be here!
What a gift and connection builder!
Love and Gratitude,
Love who You Are

I did not mean to belittle my child not ever.

Dear Sandra, you have in NO way belittled your little child. What you have discovered is called LOVE ♥
 
With Love, Jude

Love is the only way

Dear Sandra . . .
sometimes indeed it is a blessing
to die out of suffering
and into light.
There is nothing wrong in thinking this
with love . . .
sparrow
♥

everything counts... ♥

sometimes indeed it is a blessing
to die out of suffering
and into light.

 
Dear Sandra,
I agree with Sparrow...
unfortunately it is truth....
 
Buba,Goran's mom

"What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments,
but what is woven into the lives of others." Pericles

What you have discovered is called LOVE ♥

 
Wow...Sandra!!!

Grateful to be here!
What a gift and connection builder!
Love and Gratitude,
Love who You Are

I will pray for you and I am so sorry for your loss. I am so happy you came here to share this with us.
Love and Blessings,
Rose

for Jesus

Xanadue, I'm sorry it has taken me do long to post. I did read this the day you posted, I just could not at the time find the words to write. I am sorry for your losses as well. The poem that you posted was a good one and yes that is what we need to hold onto. I did go to your website. It occurred to me that even through your pain and your losses that you still have found the faith to go on and believe in God. To me that is something that has moved me. I guess for me the loss of my last baby has hit me but I have not truly accepted it yet. The thought that you and everyone else has taken the time to share their love and their stories of grief with me through your pain has also moved me. I really appreciate all the love and outpouring of your thoughts and candle lighting. Like I told Sandra many many times before, I don't know what loss is worse getting to have your baby and see them and get to know them some, then looseing them or loosing them through miscarriage like I have. The truth is, everyone's grief is so different. I can honestly say that I think for me that I would not be able to be as spiritual and have as much faith as you if something like that that happend to me that happend to you. I think one of the things that bother me is that my 3 babies I lost, I never will know on this earth what gender the babies were. I never named the first 2 babies that I lost and have always regretted it. For some reason the thought never occurred to me to name them a name that could have been either for boy or girl. This baby that I lost we named Kelsey which could be a either or. I think that we are going to do like you or one of the other people who posted said and plant a tree in the babies honor and memory.  I do hope that one day that I can have the strong faith that you and the rest of the people have on this forum. Last night I prayed for the first time since I lost Kelsey. Who knows if God heard it or not as I have been so angry and upset at Him. Thanks for your time and your thoughts and for sharing your story with me as I know it had to be painful for you. Please take care and know that you are in thoughts.
 
Sandra, I didn't think that you belittled your Louis in any way. I do know what your saying though as far as having a child that suffers and would not be compatible to life, I would not want that either as I would rather suffer than any of my children. I think that it would hurt me more to see my baby suffer their whole life so like you maybe somehow for me this was meant to be. If I can ever truly acknowlege that this was the best thing for me and me baby.
Karen, Love who u r, Sparrow, Jude, Buba, & Rose, thanks for still being there for me as right now I really need it. You don't know how much each and every one of you mean to me. Thanks again for taking the time out of your busy day to post to me, pray and light candles for me. Love, Joya

Dear Joya,
Today I can see you have moved on just a tiny bit and that is really good to see.
I will keep you in prayer and light a candle for you now,
 
with Love,
Jude

Love is the only way

Joya you can't compare a loss not at all, a child is a child from conception .I'm sorry I really am.No road is easy and right now I am sure both our sorrow's are so bloody raw . The ulitmate thing is it's you that is suffering and it's you that counts right now.

Sorry Joya but I just feel it's ok whatever stage you are at ...in the end love does really really conquer all it really does.

♥

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

Dear Joya . . .
Please know that no one of us is more in possession of faith or wisdom.
We are all human with human frailties . . .
each of us has dark days when it seems the sun will never shine again.
We are all on this journey together,
and on days when we cannot hold ourselves up,
others here kindly do it for us
until we can once again stand on our own.
A candle of healing remains lit always for you
with love . . .
sparrow
 

everything counts... ♥

Dearest Joya,

The one thing that I really want to say to you in response to what you posted is I am absolutely sure that God not only heard your prayer but that He cares and wants to give you the strength you need to go on. I strongly believe that He hears all prayers by everyone. He has infinite time and ability to listen to all of us here on this earth, I firmly believe in that. Please trust that He heard you and will continue to listen to that small yet strong voice inside your heart. That is what I really wanted to tell you this morning.
 
By the way, I think you have excellent insight into yourself and your feelings. And that you are much more resilient and strengthful than you realize. Trust in yourself and you will get through this time one day at a time. Try not to focus on the future but rather stay in the moment and just coast along if you dont feel strong enough at the time to try and move forward.
 
I am praying for you and hoping that you are getting the rest and rejuvination you need to recover from the loss you have sustained.
 
Much love to you and a big virtual ((((((((((HUG)))))))))
 
Your forever friend,
Karen Roberta
 
( I did not create this graphic but I think its a good one. )
 

integrity is shown when no one is looking

Jude, Sandra, Sparrow and Karen, I am going to try to post this mesage again as this is the 3rd time I have wrote it. I still appreciate all of your thoughts posts and candle lighting. Jude, thanks for saying that you think that I have taken a tiny step. It has been so hard for me but you know they say sometimes the first step is the hardest one to take. Sandra, I don't know what all to say to you as we both know how much pain we both are feeling. The fact that you had a forum for awhile that I could go to and help me realize that I needed to face my grief did more for me than you will ever know. Thank you so much. We are feeling our pain so much and you are so right the pain is so raw. Also like you said no road is easy. It doesn't matter where you are in the road. I have also heard what you have said that love does conquer all.  I guess what hurts the most are the answers that we will never know on this earth huh? The pain we feel won't ever go away and sometimes it's so very hard for people to see this that has never lost a child or baby. I know that in some ways that they really try to help us but in the end sometimes what they say to us makes things worse. Like we have said before, everyone handles grief in different ways. There are so many of us out here in the world who has lost a baby/ child far too soon and it's so very hard to move on. We will NEVER forget our babies not EVER.
Sparrow, I know that each of us is not perfect by no stretch of the imagination but you know there are some people that they have a unfailing faith that amoungst their suffering and pain and losses, they seem to pick up the peices fast and always keep the faith. This has been so very hard for me. My faith sure has been tried. I can' t say that I have trusted God through this last miscarriage. I just wish that I knew that my faith would see me through this. I really want to believe that things will be ok and that God needed my babies more than I but my heart and head can't get past this. As I sit here the tears are flowing, it is hard to believe that in 2 more days it will be a month since we found out that Kelsey had no heartbeat and in 3 days that I lost Kelsey to miscarriage. I still want to believe that this didn't happen to me. (along with my other 2 miscarriages) I just have so many more questions than answers. Somehow and some way I hope that I will be able to see in the future that while I won't be able to see my 3 babies here on earth again and see them reach each milestone, that this was was for the best and that God knows more of what needs to happen to me and my family than I.  I do believe your right though that we are all on this journey together and when we can't see which way to go or what to do and we can't go on, others will pick us up till we are strong enough to be on our own again.
Karen, as for what you said, I really hope that God has heard my prayers. I have not said many as I have been very upset and angry at Him still but I think that He knows that I am trying to do my best. I try to stay busy so I don't have alot of time to think about how I am feeling and how much I am missing my angel babies. The hardest time is at night. I am having such a problem sleeping. I do think like you said on the phone that I need to call and talk to my doctor as I am not getting any rest.
 
Thanks again for all your love and suport. I love each and every one of you. I only hope that you all know how special each and every one of you are to me. One more thing I would appreciate your thoughts and prayers Wednesday as I take my 19 month old to the breathing specialist for his breathing problems he has had since birth. Please pray that they will do the right thing or find out if his tracheamalasia will go away without surgery. With love ALways, Joya

Dear Joya,
 
I'll be glad to pray for your 19 months old hoping that the windpipe will grow firmer with time and the breathing problem resolve! Quite apart from any distress it may cause your child, I imagine that the noisy breathing is hard for you to listen to.
 
You are in my heart and prayers,
Much love,
Edda

Peace and joy!

Dear Joya,
I will light a candle now for you and your little one, and pray that the breathing problem will resolve naturally.
 
with Love,
Jude

Love is the only way

Dear Joya . . .
I have lit a candle for your little one
and pray that the breathing problem be made right
without surgery.
 
I read somewhere
(was it here on this forum?)
that it is not time that heals,
but love . . .
 
we all do the very best we can
each and every day,
and some days it may not seem that way,
but it is still true.
We can only give what we have in us
with love . . .
sparrow

everything counts... ♥

EDDA, JUDE AND SPARROW, THANKS FOR YOUR WELL WISHES AND YOUR CANDLE LIGHTING FOR KAYDEN. I AM REALLY STRESSED ABOUT TOMORROW BUT I DO HOPE THAT ALL GOES WELL. ALSO, SPARROW, YOU ARE EXACTLY RIGHT I HAVE HEARD THAT LOVE IS WHAT HEALS. I DO TRY TO TAKE EVERY DAY ONE DAY AT A TIME BUT IT IS SURE HARD SOMETIMES. IT'S FRIENDS LIKE YOU THAT MAKE EACH AND EVERY DAY BETTER TO DEAL WITH. LOVE TO YOU AND ALL.  LOVE ALWAYS, JOYA

Hi Joya, I read with much concern and caring about Kayden and I hope the doctors appt gave you some answers and hope. Please write and let us all know how it went. I know we all would like to  know. Today I will light a candle for Kayden to be helped by the doctors.  I will use a group name called Kaydn
 
I am sorry you are hurting so deeply over the loss of your beloved Kelsey. Words fail when it comes to such things. Words might help but I wish I lived closer because a real gentle hug would make you feel much better than anything I can say here on the internet, dont you think? so here is a virtual hug for you. ((((((((HUG))))))))))  I hope it helps in some small way to know how completely I love you as a friend and that I value our relationship and mutual support so much!!!!
 
talk to you soon I hope.
 
<3 luv from your friend Karen <3

integrity is shown when no one is looking

Hi Joya,
I lit a candle yesterday for Kayden, as I said on another thread i would.  I will light another candle this time using his name. There are times in our lives when everything crashes in on us.  But I do want you to know that emerging on the other side of it, stronger than ever is not only possible, but probable.   I am praying for Kayden that his breathing problems will be resolved and healed. 
 
Kelsey is a beautiful name. She hardly needs my prayers, as I know she is doing much better than I.  She is healed and well and surrounded with light, as are your other babies who were not born, but lived inside you. 
 
Joya,  I avoid losing things I write here by copy and pasting it to someplace before I click enter.  That way if it gets gobbled up, I dont have to rewrite it.  Just copy and paste it back to aother reply window to try to send again. 
 
I am sorry for your suffering Joya.  But I do, in my heart, feel that you will emerge from the tremendous weight on your shoulders, stronger than ever.  Sending love, light and angels, liliwings

No need to spend endless hours, days, weeks searching for the rainbow.  Open your heart and your eyes to see and know you are the rainbow you seek.  Rejoyce in the beauty of the co-creation of you.

Dear Joya,
 
I will light a candle for your son...healing and you.
 
Peace, Love and Joy,
Diane
 
 

Grateful to be here!
What a gift and connection builder!
Love and Gratitude,
Love who You Are

Diane, thanks to you and the oter who have lit candles for Kayden and for me. You don't know how much this means to me and my family. This weekend has been especially hard as Mother's Day came and went. I am so thankful for my children here but I so miss my angel babies that left me too soon. To think that I just lost Kelsey a month ago is still so very hard. I just hope that like Xanudue said in another post that my forever babies are waiting for me. I also hope that they know that I love and miss them all 3 so very much!
 
Thanks again to you and all the others for your love, post and lighting of candles. I love you all! Love Always, Joya

Hello Dearest Joya,
 
I was thinking of you on Mother’s day and I am sure this one was particularly hard for you in so many ways.
 
Joya ,Kelsey will always live in your heart and yes she will be waiting for her Mummy at the heaven’s door when the time is right for you both.
 
Joya can I share with you how I felt when Louis passed on, only because you will know all your feelings are ‘normal’ in grief.
 
Joya I lay on the chapel floor, the day after Louis was in there for his funeral,
I took the knitted cloth that was under my dear son and hugged it like a child hugs a cuddly,
I looked up at Jesus and I was so cross with him
I asked him why why why did he take my child why?
Why when he was indeed loved beyond measure,
Why when he knew he really knew that I wanted my son
Why the hell did he choose to take my child?
What did I do that was so badly wrong?
Was it because I was a bad person?
Was it because I did not know Jesus?
Was it because I could not possibly be a good mother?
Why give me a child and snatch him back?
Why did you take him why?
Why the hell did you create me to break me?
Why Jesus why? 
 
I needed Louis to mend my own broken heart,
I needed Louis to prove to me I could and would love him ,
because he was my baby, because he was made out of pure pure love.
I needed to Louis to prove to me that a Mother could love a child.
I needed Louis so so much I really did. 

  
 
I felt so angry Joya and so heartbroken for the child who needed my love
and I his so much .. 
  
  
 
Joya your dear precious Kelsey has only just left this world,
What I am trying to say  Joya, time will answer many
of your own questions.
 
 
Your little one’s live inside of you as they are within your heart.
The day they left this earth, their little heart beats when into your heart.
 
 
 
Joya the longing to cuddle your baby never leaves you ,
but one day,one day we will cuddle them again.
 
For me now I know Louis was sent to me for such special reasons,
Louis has given me life Joya in the sense he has laid beauty before me ,
beauty that maybe I took for granted,or was not able to see,
and I am  forever grateful to him for all what he gives me daily. 

 
Yes I want him back, yes I get cross and shed tears ,but for me I know
I am growing through my tears ,just like you are  dear Joya,
It’s not possible to see this right now Joya ,but one day I promise you
You will see what precious gifts each one of all your children have given you.
 
 

 
I needed Louis to mend my own brokn heart,and Joya each day Little Louis is
 indeed healing me in ways I never ever though possible...
so my child came to me to heal his Mummy...what a gift what a gift...
 
sorry Now Joya to ramble but Joya never give up hope,or life as both
 of these are so precious they really are.
 
Your three Angel's have changed you Joya in the most beauitful way,
but right now that mist is around you but one day this will lift and you
will see your precious gifts all around you....
 
 
Over the years there are fewer tears because Louis is living
in my heart.
 
You need time  dear Joya …

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

Dearest Sandra, What you said makes sense in many ways it really does. You were right Mother's Day was very hard for me in many ways. I do beleie that Kelsay and my other angel babies will forever live in my heart. I really do but sometimes we need more than to know. We need to feel them. If that makes any sense and to me that is so hard as I can't feel them. I know that Kelsy and my other angel babies are waiting for me in Heaven a long with your Louis waiting for you. Every day we long for our babies and that will NEVER END!
Sandra, I'm sorry that you have hurt for Louis and that you still are. Many times I sill ask God why me? why did my babies not stay but you know, I don't ever believe that we will get the answers we are looking for till we see God face to face. In saying that, I am sure that He had his reasons for taking our beloved babies.
I know that many pople say that I need time and I do think that that is right. I think in time I will start to see the reality of things and start to see what gifts that my angels have truly left left me. I know that my angels will always live forever in my heart. Thanks again Sandra for your post and for taking time out of your busy day to post to me, pray for me and to light candles. You are truly an ispiration to me. Love Always, Joya

I needed Louis to mend my own brokn heart

Dearest Sandra, it is so wonderful to hear you say that Louis is indeed mending your own broken heart..........something he could never have done in life.
 
I hope this isn't hurtful to you when I say that because it is said with much Love, and I hope you understand what I mean.
 
Jude ♥

Love is the only way

Dearest Joya,
 
I can't feel Louis in the sense of touch but I know he is with me as I see beautiful signs each and everyday.
 
Joya when it's sunny this could be Kelsey warming your face with kisses
when you see rainbows this could be your little ones in Heaven painting rainbows for their special Mummy...
 
I have no hurt for Louis none at all I hope this does not come across as uncaring.
It has taken me three years and an awful lot of battering to
reach this point Joya.
 
Be gentle on yourself  and let other's help you along your journey.
 
Keep looking out for signs they will  enrich your life  in many ways.
 

 
 
 
 
Dearest Jude I do understand what you mean and I also know you
said this out of love and shear happiness for me. How could your words
be something that could hurt me they are beauitful..thank you...
 
I know Louis could never of mended my heart if he lived,he may have
helped me become the Mother I wanted to be but for us it was always
going to be this way.I am forever grateful to Louis as he has indeed helped 
me . Now I must try and be true to me even though it's the hardest
and most painful thing for me right now ,but it is needed I think..
 
Thank you Jude ..thank you
 
♥
 
 

 
 
 

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

Dear Joya . . .
I hope that as the days go by
you are becoming able
to feel a sense of God's Grace all around you,
comforting you,
consoling you,
and bringing you back to life
with love . . .
sparrow

everything counts... ♥

Joya,
I lit a candle last night  for you and your family.  I read  the posts here and am so moved by each and every one.  I have not lost a child. So I do not feel it would be appropriate to comment on the words here, other than to say that when we are in the depths of grief (which I have experienced on a different level) there is no way to fully comprehend the deeper truth of why this could have happened..  And yet, it is essential to allow the grief.  For this is the only way through it.  The questioning, the anger and all.  I am so deeply sorry for the suffering that you experience.   But of course it is 100% understadable.
 
Sandra, you are a shining example of what happens when someone allows themselves to be present in their grief and move through it..........over time. 
 
As I said, I have not lost a child.  So I feel a bit odd even writing as much as i have.  I am sending love and light and angels to you all as well as the beautiful  little angels who have touched your lives, liliwings

No need to spend endless hours, days, weeks searching for the rainbow.  Open your heart and your eyes to see and know you are the rainbow you seek.  Rejoyce in the beauty of the co-creation of you.