Dear Joya . . .
Candles remain lit for you,
and for your family
who suffers with you.
Be kind to yourself . . .
one day you will see a flower
or hear a child's laughter,
and you will know that there is much of value
here now, in this life.
It does not seem that way now,
but we will have faith for you
until it lives in you again
with love . . .
sparrow

everything counts... ♥

Dear Joya
I just found your thread request I will keep you
and your family in prayer as I read your post
regarding the miscarriage I had this thought of
a little cherub hovering around you I also had
a miscarriage many years ago and the thought
came to me that God has purpose even when we
cannot understand his ways it made me more
spiritually appreciative of the daughters I had
Namaste
Barbara

Our Glory Is not In Never Falling
Our Glory Is Rising Every Time We Fall
Confuscious

Dear Joya, Sending prayers to you and your family. Lynn xo

DREAM WITH YOUR HEART!!

Dear Joya,  your angel is safe in the light and love of source.  I believe that heaven is vibrant and very much alive.  Of course even for those who believe this, of course it does not change the loss or the grieving.  I am praying for you and am lighting another candle.   Sending love and light to you, liliwings

No need to spend endless hours, days, weeks searching for the rainbow.  Open your heart and your eyes to see and know you are the rainbow you seek.  Rejoyce in the beauty of the co-creation of you.

LILWINGS,SPARROW, LYNN, BABARA, AND I'M SORRY IF I MISSED ANYONE ELSE'S NAME, I HAVE NOT DOUBT THAT ALL MY ANGEL BABIES ARE IN THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PLACE AND THAT THEY ARE BEING TAKEN CARE OF BUT AT THE SAME TIME, I GUESS I FEEL SO SELFISH BECAUSE I WOULD RATHER HAVE MY BABIES HERE AND ME TAKING CARE OF THEM. I HOPE THAT MAKES SENSE TO YOU. ANOTHER THING THAT HAS BOTHERED ME BESIDES ME BLAMING MYSELF ALL THE TIME FOR MY BABY NOT MAKING IT AND MY OTHER ONES TOO FOR THAT MATTER WAS I WONDER IF MY BABY EVEN THOUGH THE BABY WAS LITTLE I WONDER IF THE BABY DIED IN ANY PAIN. I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT EVERY INCH OR EVERY WAY OF THIS NIGHTMARE AND TO ME, I CAN'T MAKE SENSE OF ANY OF IT.THE FACT THAT THE BABY WAS SMALL AND DIDN'T ASKED TO BE CONCEIVED TO BEGIN WITH... I DON'T KNOW... IT'S ALL TOO CONFUSING ME. HOW DO YOU END UP COPING AND GOING ON WITH YOUR LIFE AFTER THINKGS LIKE  THIS HAPPEN TO YOU? I WANT SO HARD TO BELIEVE THAT THIS WAS FOR THE BEST AND THAT GOD HAS HIS REASONS BUT TO ME, THESE ARE ALL FOREIGN WORDS RIGHT NOW TO ME.... TO ME THERE ARE NO RYME OR REASON TO HURTING A MOM, DAD AND KIDS AND A INNOCENT BABY.... PLEASE I HOPE SOMEONE CAN MAYBE HELP ME SORT SOME OF THIS OUT. THANKS FOR ALL THE OUT POUR OF LOVE AND LIGHTING CANDLES. I WILL FOREVER BE GRATEFUL. 

"LIFE IS NOT MEASURED IN THE BREATHS WE TAKE, IT IS MEASURED IN HOW MANY MOMENTS THAT TAKE OUR BREATH AWAY!"

GOD HAS HIS REASONS BUT TO ME, THESE ARE ALL FOREIGN WORDS RIGHT NOW TO ME.... TO ME THERE ARE NO RYME OR REASON

 
Dearest Joya,
Don't even try to work it out. I know from experience that no answers make sense.
Just concentrate of getting yourself physically well again, and lean on all the Love which is being sent your way. Lean on your husband and children and friends.
 
My dear, it is my belief that your babies just died, and didn't experience any pain at all. Please know that you didn't do anything wrong.
 
Please do come back here and pour it all out. We are here waiting to hold you.
 
With much Love and Hugs,
Jude

Love is the only way

My beloved Joya,
 
I do not think there are any answers to the types of questions you have. I know you will keep wondering but perhaps when those thoughts come up you could tell yourself over and over that there is no way to know and that you did nothing wrong to deserve or cause this loss.
 
It has worked for me in the past to "self-talk" and remind myself that somethings are just not in my control and are not my fault,even when they feel so much like they are. If you say these things enough over time they might help soothe you and I have actually learned to believe the things I say to myself with the kindness of a friend.  I hope what I am trying to say makes sense. I treat myself as I would treat a special person in my life, because I am! You are a most special person Joya. Please believe it. Would you think these things about blaming regarding someone you love? I dont believe you would. You understand what I am trying to say?? I hope so as I am trying to supportive and uplifting. I hope nothing I ever say or write upsets you more.   :)
 
talk to you soon I hope,
Love Karen

integrity is shown when no one is looking

Joya, I am going to just say two things in answer to your post.  Its what I have been taught in my minister healer training.  According to everything I was taught, the soul is not totally in the body this soon. it comes and goes. I do not think your precious angels suffered at all. not at all.  The second thing I want to tell you is that none of the angels that left so soon were due to anything you did wrong.  nothing was your fault.   But I think it will be important for you to try to find a way to understand or believe that.  Because self blame is so harmful honey.  They say its the most harmful thing anyone can carry.  I am sure that nothing was your fault.  Sure of it.  I am sending prayers Joya. Healing from these losses can happen.  I pray that you will know it was never your fault.  Never.  I am sorry for your suffering.  Because I love and respect you.  Liliwings

No need to spend endless hours, days, weeks searching for the rainbow.  Open your heart and your eyes to see and know you are the rainbow you seek.  Rejoyce in the beauty of the co-creation of you.

Dear Joya . . .
Sometimes
I think we are not ready to know the answers
while we live here on earth.
Perhaps that is why we are given the opportunity
to have faith
until we are ready . . .
I pray for you
blessings of faith and of healing
with much love and tenderness . . .
sparrow
 

everything counts... ♥

Dear Joya,
 
My thoughts are with you right now,there is no reason why our beloved children were taken
and for me now I have come to realize this.
 
I asked the same questions as you when my little one was born .
 
It's hard to have faith when it gets stretched by grief  it really is.
 
I hope that you some how find the strength you need to carry you through these dark days
and that you will see light again soon.
 
Take care Joya XX
 
 

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

Jude, Lilwings, Karen,Sparrow & Sandra, thanks for all your posts. I think that you are right in some ways about NEVER knowing some of the answeres to our questions... Reguardless whether we have the answers or not, we still wonder and I think that it always will be that way on our minds. The fact that I am having a hard time with my faith right now bothers me. I know that I have always been taught (as you know my dad is a preacher)that God does things for a reason. Some reasons we will never find out. I am still so mad and upset that God would let things happen like this to me or others for that matter. Also I have had so much guilt about my babies and what I could have possibly done to not let them survive but the fact is, you are right I will never know the cause of any of my babies deaths and I could have done nothing to prevent this.
 
I went back to see my doctor yesterday as I was having some problems (along with crying all the time, the guilt, not sleeping etc). The doctor (which I have had for all my babies) just sat down and talked to me for awhile and he basically said the some things that you have all said. The only thing that I thought was sad was that he said that 1 out of 5 woman end up loosing their babies to miscarriage. I thought that that was so very sad and such a big number. Then I got to thinking how may women have gone through this same guilt, through this same heartache. I can't imagine. The doc went on to say that he thought that when I am ready( of course) that if he were me that he would go on to try for another baby and that if we decided to have another baby, he would do some other things with me to maybe insure that the baby would maybe make it this next time. He also said that generally just because you have 1 miscarriage doesn't neccessary mean the next pregnancy will end in misc. He also told me that I was taken it out too much on myself and that it was by no means my fault. He told me that I was one of his best clients as far as taking care of myself. He just said that somethimes that even though we want the baby to survive that sometimes it's not meant to be and that we have to accept that that was what is meant to be. So, on that note he did say that it would deffinately take some time for my body to get over this nightmare and more time for my mental and emotional state. Please just keep me in your thoughts as this still is so very hard to accept and harder I think because the kids have not accepted it yet either. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Please if you think about it keep us in your thoughts and keep the candles lit for me and my family. ALso, on last minute I have to take my mom to the beach for her job next week as my dad is going to have to have surgery and can't drive. I don't want to but she has no one else as she still can't drive because of her ankle, foot etc. My mom thinks that it will also do me some good to get away and maybe reflect a little. Please just keep me in your thoughts and the kids as I take them that maybe this will help heal us some. Thanks for reading and I will post when I get back. Love to each and everyone of you. Sorry this is so long.

"LIFE IS NOT MEASURED IN THE BREATHS WE TAKE, IT IS MEASURED IN HOW MANY MOMENTS THAT TAKE OUR BREATH AWAY!"

Dearest Joya,
 
thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. No need to apologize for the length of your post! Your doctor is very wise. Healing as well as grieving take time!
 
I just lit a candle for you!
 
Much love and warm hugs,
Edda

Peace and joy!

Dearest Joya,
 
I agree that it is very sad that so many women miscarry. Of course there are many many reasons for it, but often Nature knows better than us, and that is all that happens. I remember reading, when I was having children, that most women, if not all, will lose a baby without even knowing they are pregnant. That's a hard fact to take on board, but somehow makes it easier to believe that miscarriage was indeed, not our fault. It's Nature. 
 
Those little ones will be forever in your heart.
 
I'm so glad you went back to your doctor...a very kind and wise man.
 
I will be thinking of you and your family as you take your Mom to the beach. A big step for you and probably an important one. I hope you will take some time for yourself too.
 
With much Love,
Jude

Love is the only way

Dearest Joya ,
 
I too feel we will always 'wonder' this is all part of being human.
I guess we will never know but at times the pain will always make
us question why.
 
Joya I am so pleased you shared with your doctor ,I am sure it
was not easy but you have taken the first step of reaching out
for help.
 
It is sad that so many women miscarry it really is.
 
The doc went on to say that he thought that when I am ready( of course) that if he were me that he would go on to try for another baby and that if we decided to have another baby, he would do some other things with me to maybe insure that the baby would maybe make it this next time.
 
Joya please don't put pressure on yourself  in mind or body as to weather you want another baby yet.I just feel that you need to heal your body and mind a little before you make such big decisions.
 
You and only you will know when the time is right .
 
Enjoy your day Joya and well done for getting out and about .
 
Sandra ♥

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

Dear Joya,

It is only now that I have read your message. I am moved to tears, feeling your pain as well as mine of 34 years ago, when I lost my second child due to miscarriage. I expected her to be a girl, and I named her Theresa. I have often talked to her since then, and Faith tells me to look forward to seeing and being with her one day.

I am going to light a candle for you and your precious baby, with Love, Compassion and Tenderness.

Juliana
_____________________________
Speak Peace in a World of Conflict

Dear Juliana,
 
I would like to light a candle for you and Theresa. It is one of my daughter's names and she too lost her second child to miscarriage.
 
With Love, Jude
 

Love is the only way

Thank you, dear Jude. This is so kind of you. We are all connected, aren´t we?

Dear Joya, I am thinking of and praying for you.

Juliana
_____________________________
Speak Peace in a World of Conflict

Candles are burning for all lost babies....
 

 
 Buba,Goran's mom

"What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments,
but what is woven into the lives of others." Pericles

You know . . .
reading these posts, Juliana, Joya, Sandra, Buba, and Isabella  . . .
and others like me who have lost children
(and others in fact, whom we have loved) . . .
looking into the picture of the lit candles in the dark,
hearing the words of comfort and love
from Jude, liliwings, Edda and Karen . . .
it occurs to me that as a ship is lost to sight from shore,
like these children are lost to us,
there is another shore to which they have been greeted,
and they are not truly lost at all,
but have done what they came here to do
and have moved on
not without love
but without fear.
 
We don't understand this perhaps
because we still see death as the bogeyman.
I am learning that death is just a door into rebirth . . .
I hope I do not hurt with these words,
and they are relatively new to my tongue as well.
It is hard to stomach when we are so emotionally attached
and do not want to let them go . . .
but go they must,
as must we someday as well,
and I think that in the end,
it will not be so scary after all
with love . . .
sparrow

everything counts... ♥

Reading all the posts brings me back to my return to church after Robby died. Instead of being angry with God for my son leaving so soon, I embraced Him. Knowing that he was going Home made me want to keep in touch with him. So I went to the 'source'. I was drawn closer to Him because He would be taking care of Robby now and I know he was safe, free from pain. As hard as it is for me some days that Robby isn't here with me, I can accept that he is in a better place. And I am grateful that God trusted I was going to be the best Mom for Robby for the 33 years he was here. The least I can do is trust Him.
Prayers and blessings. Love, Lynn xo

DREAM WITH YOUR HEART!!