I have not lost a child. So I do not feel it would be appropriate to comment on the words here, other than to say that when we are in the depths of grief (which I have experienced on a different level) there is no way to fully comprehend the deeper truth of why this could have happened.. And yet, it is essential to allow the grief. For this is the only way through it. The questioning, the anger and all. I am so deeply sorry for the suffering that you experience. But of course it is 100% understadable.

 
Dearest Liliwings ,
 
You really are gifted in many wonderful ways.
 
you don't have to lose a child to have a heart as pure and compassionate
as yours.
 
I read your words and all I wanted to do is hug you. 
 
Our loved ones sent Angel's to help us and by doing this we are indeed being blessed in many
beautiful ways.....
 
 
Love to all ..big hugs Liliwings,Sandraxxxx 
 
I was walking home from school on a cold winter's day
Took a shortcut through the woods and I lost my way
It was getting late and I was scared and alone
Then a kind old man took my hand and led me home
Mama couldn't see him, but he was standing there
But I knew in my heart, he was the answer to my prayers

Oh I believe there are angels among us
Sent down to us from somewhere up above
They come to you and me in our darkest hours
To show us how to live
To teach us how to give
To guide us with a light of love

When life dealt troubled times and had me down on my knees
There's always been someone there to come along and comfort me
A kind word from a stranger to lend a helping hand
A phone call from a friend just to say I understand
Ain't it kind of funny at the dark end of the road
Someone lights the way with just a single ray of hope

Oh I believe there are angels among us
Sent down to us from somewhere up above
They come to you and me in our darkest hours
To show us how to live
To teach us how to give
To guide us with a light of love

They wear so many faces
Show up in the strangest places
Grace us with thier mercy
In our time of need

Oh I believe there are angels among us
Sent down to us from somewhere up above
They come to you and me in our darkest hours
To show us how to live
To teach us how to give
To guide us with a light of love

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

[ quote=sandra67] 


 
Joya when it's sunny this could be Kelsey warming your face with kisses
when you see rainbows this could be your little ones in Heaven painting rainbows for their special Mummy... 
  
 
Be gentle on yourself  and let other's help you along your journey.
 
Keep looking out for signs they will  enrich your life  in many ways.
 

  
  Dearest Sandra, I have never thought of it like this about what you said about my angels sending me sushine or rainbows. From now on thanks to you I will ALWAY think of this. I guess sometimes you are in so much pain that it is hard to see some things until other point them out for you. Right now I feel like I am going through a very hard time in my life where I can't see any light. I try to be all smiles for my kids and my hubby but the truth is when it's dark and my hubby is at work or sleeping and the kids are too, my heart is so broken and aching. I know that I should be thankful as I have other kids and believe me I am so very thankful but I guess like you and I have talked before, since I have kids I know how much more that I am missing that I will NEVER able to see and to enjoy from my angel babies. I hope that this makes sense to you. Every time my kids have a birthday or Kayden says another word he has never said before, my heart is so broken as I know that I will NEVER be able to hear my angel babies or see them reach these milestones. I aso believe that loosing Kelsey has hurt more as it brings up so much of my past. AS you know my past has been such a hard and hurtful one. I know like you and the others have said that I Really need time. I just hope in time that I will be able to accept my angel babies deaths more as what "God saw fit to happen" in my life and my families lives. It has really been hard on the kids and especially my marriage since the loss of Kelsey and now the health problems that we may be facing with Kayden. I just hope that I can just keep my faith as I so need God, friends and family right now. Thanks for your sweet posts, prayers and lit candles.
 
Lilwings, please don't feel like you can't post. Any comments and post to me right now are so helpful. I believe that no matter what your grief, whether it is loosing a family member, your own child or even a close friend. It is still grief and grief is so hard to cope with. Please don't ever feel like you can't post on something. Especailly to me. Lilwings, like SAndra said you are special in so many ways. I will always appreciate you and all the rest that take the time out of their busy day to post their comments to me and say a prayer or light a candle. That means more to me than you will ever know.
 
Diane and anyone else who I have forgot, I am sorry if I forgt your name. I have read all the post and they mean more to me than you will know. Thanks for all your loving words and your posts too and your candles. I love each and and appreciate each one of you more than you will ever know. With Love ALways, Joya
 
P.S. Sandra, the Angel Amoung Us song you quoted I have always loved. In fact, my kids sing it as one of their songs in one of their graduations at school.
  
   
 

"LIFE IS NOT MEASURED IN THE BREATHS WE TAKE, IT IS MEASURED IN HOW MANY MOMENTS THAT TAKE OUR BREATH AWAY!"

Dearest Joya,
 
Liliwings wrote this in another thread and it's very true for each one of us..
 
 

Joya, I know that in time your heart will heal from the losses. Just a note to you, please do not allow anyone to impose a time agenda on your healing. Because one's healing can be very deep .... personal and authentically theirs. Trust your own path in the moment. As horrifically painful as it is. And I do hope that next year your heart will feel less burdoned and you will once again be able to see the light.

 
No two losses are the same as it's our  own unique journey. I just hope with all of my heart
you gain strength and hope from other's.
 
We are very fortunate that sunshine always comes after a  thunder storm..
 
Take good care Joya my thought's are with you right now,Sandraxx

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

Dear Sandra, You and Lilwings, are so right, no two losses are the same, as it's our own journey.  I am in time gaining strength from others and I appreciate all the ones who have let me lean on them right now as this is what has helped me get this far. Thanks again for you and all the other'e post, love and candle lighting. You remain in my thoughts as well. Love Always, Joya

"LIFE IS NOT MEASURED IN THE BREATHS WE TAKE, IT IS MEASURED IN HOW MANY MOMENTS THAT TAKE OUR BREATH AWAY!"

Dear Joya,
 
I haven't written much here but I want you to know that you and yours are in my thoughts and prayers. I try to keep a candle lit for you.
 
You are so right in saying that every kind of support can help including that of those who haven't suffered the loss of a child. The other day I had an e-mail from a mother whose son died of a brain tumor. Someone else had started a candle group for him, and I have kept a candle burning. Last year, when e-mailing was still possible, she sent me a note without a name.  She told me again that my steady candle presence meant a great deal to her. Now I do know her name, and I invited her to join us.
So, we may never know or find out by accident!
 
Much love,
Edda

Peace and joy!

baby steps, dear Joya . . .
baby steps
be kind to yourself
with love . . .
sparrow
 

everything counts... ♥

Dear Joya,
I am proud of you for reaching out as you do.  And for accepting the help of  all who care so much.  Just keep leaning on us Joya.  Together we will get you through.  Sending love, liliwings

No need to spend endless hours, days, weeks searching for the rainbow.  Open your heart and your eyes to see and know you are the rainbow you seek.  Rejoyce in the beauty of the co-creation of you.

Dear Edda, I do apprecite very greaty all the candles that everyone has posted for me and the thoughts and prayers as well. To think that someone has taken the time todo any of them for me is very humbling. I don't feel as I am so alone. Thanks again for all your love and support.
 
 
Sparrow, I am taking very small baby steps but I guess it doesn't matter how big the step is but the step itself huh? It has been very hard for me but I know that we all have said that it will take some time.
 
 
Lilwings,  thanks for lettig me lean on each and everyone of you. Like I said before to Edda, it is very humbling to know that so many care about me and are willing to stick with me through such a hard time in my life. You all don't know how much I appreciate your love and all that you give to me each and every day. I don't think that I would be where I am today if it weren't for ya'll supporting me and letting me lean on all of you.
 
Thanks again for all your love and posts, prayers and candle lighting. I love each and every one of you. Love ALways, Joya

"LIFE IS NOT MEASURED IN THE BREATHS WE TAKE, IT IS MEASURED IN HOW MANY MOMENTS THAT TAKE OUR BREATH AWAY!"

Many of us rush through life without a care and then disaster strikes and the bad times suddenly hit us like a steam train. It is at those times that we find out who our true friends are and through many means such as this forum God shows us that, far from all the bad news we hear every day, the world is really full of wonderful people who are able to care about people they have never met. This is a gift God gave us and in sharing His love we make him pleased. I have only a small voice but I am certain He hears me and I am asking, with all my heart, that He brings healing to you and your family; warmth from the very depths of Paradise, and that, very soon, you will feel recovered and able to, once again, look around at all the joyous things he has given us, and you will feel calm, be at peace, and find happiness again.
 
I ask these things in the name of our God, who through every bad time, leads us back to the light in the comfort of His love. Peace be with you.

God shows us that, far from all the bad news we hear every day, the world is really full of wonderful people who are able to care about people they have never met.

You are so right dear Paul . . .
The world is full of love if we just lift our heads.
Thank you for adding your voice to the song
with love . . .
sparrow

everything counts... ♥

Hi Joya,
 
I wanted to thank you for your kind words and gratefulness!
You are in my thoughts and prayers always. May your days be brightened by God's love and light. Bless you!
 
Paul, What a lovely expressions of God's showing us that we are supported in this life. Thank you for faith and good will.
 
Peace, Love and  Joy,
Diane
 

Grateful to be here!
What a gift and connection builder!
Love and Gratitude,
Love who You Are

It is at those times that we find out who our true friends are and through many means such as this forum God shows us that, far from all the bad news we hear every day, the world is really full of wonderful people who are able to care about people they have never met.

 
Dear Paul,
this fact, when I first came across this Forum, came as a very pleasant surprise to me in our seemingly cold and cynical world. But why should I be surprised? I think most people, given the chance, are kind and really want to make a difference. This Forum. I think, encourages those values.
 
I hope you will return and talk to us some more,
 
Blessings,
Jude

Love is the only way

Joya dear,
I light candles for you.  Although i may not always come here to let you know this has been done.  My thoughts are with you and your chidlren.  You have a beatufidul dear heart.  And I have faith that this beautiful heart of yours will heal.  Of course there will always be a place in your heart for your three angels,  but it will not always hurt like this, Joya.  Sending love, liliwings

No need to spend endless hours, days, weeks searching for the rainbow.  Open your heart and your eyes to see and know you are the rainbow you seek.  Rejoyce in the beauty of the co-creation of you.

Paul, Bless your beautiful heart.  Thank you for your words. Welcome to the forum.  I hope you will come often to  contribute words of  joys, sorrows, love, fear,  success and challenges, to name a few.  thank you for being here !!!  I hope we all will come to know you well.  liliwings

No need to spend endless hours, days, weeks searching for the rainbow.  Open your heart and your eyes to see and know you are the rainbow you seek.  Rejoyce in the beauty of the co-creation of you.

Paul, first of all, welcome to the forum. I do hope that you will keep coming back as you sound like such a great person and you have so much to give. Bless you. Thanks for praying for me and asking God for healing for me and my family. I really appreciate it very much.
 
Sparrow, you ALWAYS along with the others on the forum have so much love and words of encouragement. I am so thankful for you and the others on this forum.
 
Diane, as for as thanking me for my kind words and gratefullness, I am only returning all that you and all the others on here have done and given me. It is good that we can all be there for each other. Thanks also for your thoughts and prayers for me. You also remain in my thoughts and prayers.
 
Jude, you are exactly right when you told Paul and the rest on this forum that most people in the world are kind given the chance and they do really want to make a difference. I also believe that this forum does encourage that too. I don't know what I would do without this forum and the loving people on here.
 
Lilwings, I know that you light your candles for me as I light candles for my babies as well and I see your candles and all the others that light them as well and for this I am very grateful as it means so much to me and my family. I know it will take awhile for my heart to mend and you are so right that my 3 angel will ALWAYS hold a special place in my heart. I know that in time I will be able to see more light. 
 
Thanks again for all your loving words, prayers and candle lighting. I thank God every day that I have friends like you all to lean on. Love to all, Joya  
 
 
 
  
 
 

"LIFE IS NOT MEASURED IN THE BREATHS WE TAKE, IT IS MEASURED IN HOW MANY MOMENTS THAT TAKE OUR BREATH AWAY!"

Dear Joya:  Just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers.  I felt very touched by this thread and wanted to share this song with you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SnL1e4-NfaA

May you find some peace and comfort.

Love and Blessings, Jessica

 

May you be blessed!

Jessica, thanks for your sweet message to me. I could not use it at a more needed time. Today has been a very challenging day for me. I do love that song. I always have. I wished the movie (City Of Angels) would have ended a different way though. It was so sad. I Always cry when I see it.
 
 
Today I have tried after the start of a bad morning to try to see the good out of things today but it has been really hard. The nurse that keeps up with my son Kayden's care once a month called and I saw her the day I lost Kelsey. She had no clue that I was pregnant let alone that my baby had died and I was going to have to have surgery the next day. (Of course didn't make it that far) Anyway she said to me " so what are you so upset about? If you want antother baby , you can always have another baby if that is what is bothering you. I just lost it and started crying. I was just so heart broken as if I can just get over Kelsey like that. It's not like I can get pregnant with Kelsey again. I don't think she has any clue as the pain and heartache I am feeling. I really do believe that she meant well. Then she told me that I need to go ahead and move on with my life because i have other kids and if I don't go ahead and get over my grief then I will have a nervous breakdown. I was so angry at first with her as she said even more than this ( this is just the tip of the iceburg)  and I was just so upset, then I tried to think that maybe she just has never lost a loved one or child. Not that I would have or want her too but she is a nurse. You woujld have thought that she would have had more compassion than this. As it has not even been 2 months yet. I have tried so hard to deal with my grief in my way and it like all of us has said before it will take me TIME. I need TIME. I am trying to stay so positive and it helps to have people like you and the others on this forum who are willing to let me lean on them. Thanks again for all of your love and support everyone! I love each and everyone of you.

"LIFE IS NOT MEASURED IN THE BREATHS WE TAKE, IT IS MEASURED IN HOW MANY MOMENTS THAT TAKE OUR BREATH AWAY!"

I am so sorry his nurse was not understanding. I am sure you are right that she meant well, even though it was insensitive of her. You hang in there and be who you are....love heals all things.
 
Peace, Love and Light and Joy!
Diane

Grateful to be here!
What a gift and connection builder!
Love and Gratitude,
Love who You Are

Dear Diane, thanks for your words of encouragement. They meant alot.  I am really trying hard to see things more in a positive way but sometimes it is very hard and very discouraging. I took my kids while back to see the Hanna Montanna move that had just came out. I really didn't want to go but my sister, her little girl and obviously my kids wanted to go. The movie was really good to my amazement as I thought that it would be more for teenagers and I would not like it. (not to mention that I didn't know that if it was going to bore my kids) but anyway the kids loved it and I liked it too. On the movie Miley Cyrus (Hanna Montanna) sings a song on there. It was really touching to me and it really realates to my life and to where I am at right now. Here are the lyrics:
 
                                                                    The Climb
 
                                I can almost see it
                                That dream I'm deaming but
                                There's a voice inside my head sayin
                                You'll never reach it
                                Every step I'm taking
                                Every move I make feels
                                Lost with no direction
                                My faith is shaking but I
                                I gotta keep tryin
                                Gotta keep my head held high
 
                            
                                There's always goin be another mountain
                                 I always goin want to make it move
                                Always going to be a uphill battle
                                Sometimes I'm goin have to lose
                                Ain't about how fast I get there
                                Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
                                It's the Climb
 
        
 
                                The struggles I'm facing
                                The chances I'm taking
                                Sometimes might knock me down but
                                No I'm not breaking
                                I may not know it
                                But these are the moments that
                                I'm goin to remember most yeah
                                Just got to keep going and I
                                I gotta be stong
                                Just keep pushing on 'cause
 
 
                                There's always going be another mountain
                                I'm always going to want to make it move
                                Always going to be a uphill battle
                                Sometimes I'm going to have to lose
                                Ain't about how fast I get there
                                Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
                                It's the climb
 
                                
                                 There's always going to be another mountain
                                 I am always going to want to make it move
                                 Always going to be a uphill battle
                                 Sometimes I'm going to have to lose
                                 Ain't about how fast I get there
                                 Ain't about what's waiting on the other side...
                                 It's the climb  yeah....
 
 
                   
                                Keep on moving
                                Keep climbing
                                Keep the faith baby
                                It's all about
                                It's all about
                                The climb
 
                                Keep the faith
                                Keep your faith
 
 
Thanks again for all of your love and support. I love each and every one of you.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
    
                                
 
                                
 
                    
 
                                
                                
                                
 

"LIFE IS NOT MEASURED IN THE BREATHS WE TAKE, IT IS MEASURED IN HOW MANY MOMENTS THAT TAKE OUR BREATH AWAY!"

Joya,
I am so sorry the nurse was insensitive.  I truely believe that it is very important for you to go through this grieving process.  To push it away would mean you would only have to deal with it another time.  It is not the loss of one baby. It is the loss of three.  And probably other pain and grief in there as well. 
 
Sometimes people want others to push away their pain because the person themsevles, the nurse in this case, choses to push away her pain.  So if others feel their pain it is a threat. I cannot say this is the case with the nurse. but I surely have seen this in others as they do not want others to feel grief or pain.  Trust yourself Joya.  please try not to  allow her definition of  reaity to effect your reality.  Please try to consider that no one else has the ability to know your feelings unless what they say feels authentic to how you are feeling.  
 
Thank you for the song. I will pass it along to the MPD system I work with.  they deal with a mountain of pain and love music. Although they will be surprised that miley Cyrus sings it !!  Blessings and love to you dear Joya, liliwings

No need to spend endless hours, days, weeks searching for the rainbow.  Open your heart and your eyes to see and know you are the rainbow you seek.  Rejoyce in the beauty of the co-creation of you.