Dear Joya,
 
You have been in my thoughts and prayers! I try to keep a candle burning for you!
 
Wishing you peace and comfort,
 
Much love and many hugs,
Edda

Peace and joy!

Edda, thanks so very much. I feel so very low right now. I have so may things and emotions going through right now through my head and so much is going on in my life . I really feel like I am in a Tornado or something and I can't get out of it.  I'm sorry, I am at a loss for words right now. I do appreciate all your thoughts prayers and candle lighitning. With Love, Joya

"LIFE IS NOT MEASURED IN THE BREATHS WE TAKE, IT IS MEASURED IN HOW MANY MOMENTS THAT TAKE OUR BREATH AWAY!"

I am so sorry to hear this dear Joya
 
I hope you are able to get the support you so badly need through counselling.
 
Joya I read in another post that your little boy was very sad about Kelsey's passing.
 
I really feel Joya if you get some help in return your children will feel a little lighter too.
 
I hope what I say does not upset you but I know too well if we are very low children pick up on this.
 
Of course it's not always possible to try and protect them from sadness as this is life.
 
 
 
I know you are grieving Joya and in many ways our grief will always be with us.
 
With the right support and love dear Joya I do feel in time your pain of loss will not
 
always feel like it does right now.
 
I pray you get the help you so badly need.
 
Love and understaning ,Sandraxx

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

I really feel like I am in a Tornado or something and I can't get out of it.

 
Dearest Joya,
This sounds like a very uncomfortable place to be. I agree with all Sandra says. Please get some help for yourself. It will also help your family.
 
with Love,
Jude

Love is the only way

Dear Joya . . .
You are very much in my heart just now.
I know this is such a hard time for you.
As Sandra has said,
the little ones are quick to feel the sorrow of others,
and by helping yourself heal,
you will be helping them to heal as well.
Please find someone with empathy and understanding
to help you through this tornado
of fear and sorrow
with love . . .
sparrow

everything counts... ♥

Dear Joya,
  Your heart understandably grieves so deeply.  So much to grieve for.the loss of three precious babies, and more.  As I have said before, what we put away for another day comes up again.  Grief is not limited to loss of loved ones.  It also is about other kinds of losses.  As if the grief of three babies was not enough.  There is so much more Joya. I have read this in the story of your life as you wrote it here.
 
Sandra wrote, Sparrow reiterated 
"the little ones are quick to feel the sorrow of others,
and by helping yourself heal,
you will be helping them to heal as well."
 
 My prayer for you is that you can reach out to good counselling. Possibly with a professional who is a woman and  truely can understand the depths of loss that you have experienced and carried as a woman.   Grief and pain carried so long...... and then added to so horrifficly, is Like a hill that grows into a mountain so high that it finally obscures the sun.  We do need light to live.
 
We are here for you.  We will support you.  And we will help you to reach out for the help you and your chidlren  so deserve.  That will begin to tend to that mountain of pain and loss that you, with courage, carried for years.  I pray that now is the time to begin healing dear Joya.  This is the gift you can give to yourself .......... and your chidlren.  In great love, support and respect, liliwings
 

No need to spend endless hours, days, weeks searching for the rainbow.  Open your heart and your eyes to see and know you are the rainbow you seek.  Rejoyce in the beauty of the co-creation of you.

Dear Sandra, Jude, Sparrow and Lilwings, well, I finally got up enought courage to call and try to find some kind of grief counselling today only to be told that there really isn't one in my area. The man I talked to today said that I really need to somone who was used to dealing with infant deaths and miscarriages. He said that there was really no one in the area that he knew of to help me. He did give me a name of a lady who might can lead me in the right direction but as right now has not returned my call and I can not seem to get a hold of her. The city I called is about 15 to 30 minutes away as I live in a small city where we only have 1 stop light and we have nothing like that here. We don't even have a grocery store so, I called the closest city that was near me and the other cities around me. It might be that I have to call and drive a hour away where my other doctors and specialist are. I don't know. I was hoping that I would not have to drive so far as I don't have the time and I have no clue who to call in that city and it's so big. I thought that maybe I could call my OBGYN and see who he would recomend. We will see. I am just real upset as I thought that I would get farther today then I did. Thanks for all your love, support and your candles as this has meant so much to me. Especially at this hard time in my life. I really can see what you all are saying about if I can get some help for myself, I will be helping my kids as well. Thanks for everything again and for being there for me.

"LIFE IS NOT MEASURED IN THE BREATHS WE TAKE, IT IS MEASURED IN HOW MANY MOMENTS THAT TAKE OUR BREATH AWAY!"

Dear Joya,
 
I am so sorry that you are having difficulty finding help. I don't know where you called to talk to someone. Does the hospital where you were treated have a Social Services Department? A social worker would most likely have a list of resources within reasonable reach for you. Calling your Ob/Gyn physician would be a good idea as well. He may be aware of other women in a similar situation and perhaps know of a support group.
I am so glad that you have decided to seek help!
 
I keep you in my thoughts and prayers,
Much love,
Edda

Peace and joy!

Good Morning Joya
 
I also am so pleased you found the courage to find help.
 
Joya I am sorry there was not help in your area ,Edda is right do try the hospital
 
because that's where I found help after Louis passed on.
 
Another thing that may be worth trying is internet counselling .I think this would
 
be as good as going to  see a counsellor.This way you don't have the stress of
 
driving,finding people to care for your little ones etc..
 
There are so many wonderful free counsellors on line  It's worth thinking about dear Joya.
 
Well done again in taking the first step of healing some of your pain.
 
Love and warm hugs Sandraxxxxxx

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

Dear Joya,
Well done for making a good start in looking for help. Edda and Sandra have some good ideas you can follow up.
 
Don't give up!
 
With Love,
Jude

Love is the only way

Joya,
I am sorry that it is not working out as easily as we all had hoped.  There are some very good ideas here.  But first, what I always recommend is praying, setting intention and then proceding.  I will tell you that in my experience it is not always easy to find help. It may take a bit of work but when the right person is found, it will be well worth it for sure. 
 
As you have written here, there is even more to the grief than three babies, if that was not enough,  there is also having had dignity and security stolen from you. Stolen by a very abusive husband.  Maybe the gift Kelsey came to give to you is to lead you to healing.  If so, then maybe the gift you can give to her is to never give up until you find the right healing circumstance.  The right counselling.  this is just a thought that came to me.  I cannot say it is correct.  Just offering it to you.   Kelsey is happy.  She is in a woderful place.   Sending love and light, liliwings

No need to spend endless hours, days, weeks searching for the rainbow.  Open your heart and your eyes to see and know you are the rainbow you seek.  Rejoyce in the beauty of the co-creation of you.

Dearest Lilwings and others, I have not thought about it like the way you have. I will say though that this week has baan a really tough one for me as today it marks 2 months to the day since our Kelesy has left us. My hrst hesrt hsd been so hurt and I have so much anger. I now that things are only suppose to happen for a reason but some time it is hard to see the reason. My hubby and I had a talk earlier in the week. He wants us to go ahead and have another baby. He thinks that having another baby will get me out of my depression and let me move on some. I really cried when he said this as I have had a few of my friends tell me I was depresssed but it really hit me hard when my own hubby said that I was depressed. I guess you don't want to believe things till somethings are brought to your attention huh? Anyways, I don't have all the answers, I wish I did. I don't know what to do and where to turn. I did look into the counsilling on the internet. We will see. My pain and grief is just so deep right now and I am hurting so very much. If only I knew the answers to life's unfairness. Thanks again for all your posts and your support. Love ALways, Joya

"LIFE IS NOT MEASURED IN THE BREATHS WE TAKE, IT IS MEASURED IN HOW MANY MOMENTS THAT TAKE OUR BREATH AWAY!"

Dearest Joya,
This news rings alarm bells for me on your behalf. Please wait until you are more healed in mind and body before embarking on another pregnancy.
 
You are in a very fragile state now and a pregnancy will not help it or cure it.
 
I will light candles for you and your family and send you Healing Light and Love,
 
Blessings,
Jude

Love is the only way

I am sorry dear Joya,
that I have missed this thread.
Bravo! for taking the first steps . . .
all journeys begin with first steps.
It will be well worth the effort
for you to find the counsellor who is just right for you . . .
I wonder if perhaps the effort
is actually a part of the healing process . . .
As liliwings has said,
I too believe that part of the gift that Kelsey is and was
is to help you address all of the past grief
that has built up over the years,
for it will never go away by trying to ignore it.
I think it is true
that each grief stirs up past grief,
and it becomes a snowball rolling down a hill.
This happened to me . . .
I 'stuffed' the sorrow from many serious losses
for many years,
and awhile back someone I was fond of died.
Unexpectedly all the old stuff surfaced
and quite literally knocked me off my feet,
as the grief was so much more powerful
than the actual loss of the moment.
Jude is so right dear . . .
you are fragile
and another pregnancy while you are in this place
will not fix anything.
I know this too,
from experience.
Please Joya, please . . .
honour yourself
and give yourself
the time and attention you need and deserve
with much love . . .
sparrow
 

everything counts... ♥

Jude and Sparrow, thanks for your post and your love and concern, as to another pregnancy I had already told my hubby that I was not ready. I, like you said need more time. I think that my hubby was not trying to rush me, he just hates to see me crying and upset and he just said that he thought that if I had another baby to look forward to then maybe I would not be so depressed all the time. I think that for men it is just so hard to see us in pain. I know that he is strugglig with it too but men don't show it like we do and I don't think that he has been taking it as hard as I. I will say that the kids are wanting me to have another baby as well and I have told them that it is not the right time and that they need to accept that we might never have another baby or if we do that it might be a ways off. I stay so busy with the 5 and then I am keeping Kyle's friend( Sam, I think that he has adopted us as his second family) some too plus working on the weekends. I think that I have my hands full enough and that I need to give my body and my emotions and pain time. The doctor ( when I lost Kelsey) did say that most people do go on to have another baby real soon after they miscarry but I have to do what is right for me. I have to admit that this weekend has been very hard on me. It has been 2 months since I lost Kelsey and the pain and grief is still so strong. I guess that it was a good thing that I had to work all weekend to keep me busy and I had Sam all weekend too. We all went to Kelsey's grave and even Sam was emotional. Bless his heart. I was proud of myself as he asked where my baby was (before we went to the grave and at first I was so upset and I was sort angry and I said, what do you mean where is my baby?, and then I remembered that I was talking to a child that had no clue what pain and grief was so I just said " My baby is in Heaven now and that I didn't get to keep the baby."Bless his heart as he knew that it upset me and he didn't say anything else but then my 5 year old filled him in on everything and it was more sad that my 5 year old knew that he would never get to know if his sibling was a boy or girl. We were at the grave and my 5 year old was just talking about Kelsey. It so broke my heart. Kids don't really understand all the things that we do.  They should not have to go through things like this. Sorry to ramble on. Thanks again for your posts and caring and the lighted candles. They mean so very much to me. 
 
Sparrow, I am so sorry for all your losses. Life is so unfair. As far as Kelsey giving me a gift of making me deal with the past, that might be so true. I don't know. I know that like Sandra said before that my 3 angel babies are sending me messages every day like rainbows, etc. I really believe this. If I can just accept that this was meant to be. I miss my angel babies so very much! I know that ignoring my pain and my grief will not make things go away, it will just make things worse in the end and the future. I know that another baby will not fix the pain and grief I feel. I had not thought that anyways. It was my hubby who thought that and still does to some extent. 
 
I think like what I said what hurts the most is having the people that love me the most and that live with me tell me that they think that I am depressed. It is not that I think that I am better then that, it just hurts to know that that is what my family thinks of me. My god-sister told me yesterday as well that she thought that I was going through some type of depression and that I am withdrawing myself from the people I love the most. That hurt so much. I don't feel like I am doing that on purpose and I don;t want to do that to anyone, especially my family but like I said sometimes it's hard to see things until someone points them out to you.
 
Thanks again for all your love and support. You all don;t know how much you mean to me. Each and every one of you holds a special place in my heart. Love ALways, Joya 

"LIFE IS NOT MEASURED IN THE BREATHS WE TAKE, IT IS MEASURED IN HOW MANY MOMENTS THAT TAKE OUR BREATH AWAY!"

Dearest Joya,
 
I so agree with what has already been said, and I am glad that you know what you have to do, get well yourself before even considering another pregnancy.
 
Children have their own way of expressing grief. You are wise in letting them do it even though it is painful for you!
 
A candle is burning for you!
 
Much love,
Edda

Peace and joy!

Thanks so much Edda for your loving words and candles... With Love Aways, Joya

"LIFE IS NOT MEASURED IN THE BREATHS WE TAKE, IT IS MEASURED IN HOW MANY MOMENTS THAT TAKE OUR BREATH AWAY!"

Hi Joya,
 
Just work on showing up for your children as best you can.
Love heals and our kids are love. Ask for extra hugs from them!!!
It helps! This is one of those times you have to learn to live and love again.
We must carry on even when the going gets tough. You are in my heart and I send you love and hugs. Remind your self that you can do it. Focus on your strengths and blessings around you. Let the sun back in to your life...its ok to.
Take walks in nature whenever you can to help you sleep at night. Or start up a exercise program of some sort...that will get you physically tired. Just some suggestions that you can work on now. Hope it helps you. One of the best things for depression is walking and exercise, it produces brain chemicals that help us to feel good again! So get out and play with them too!!! It helps!
 
 
Love and Light and Joy!
Diane
 
 

Grateful to be here!
What a gift and connection builder!
Love and Gratitude,
Love who You Are

So get out and play with them too!!! It helps!

Dear Joya,
I agree with what Diane says. Even though you are tired from looking after your home and family, and not sleeping properly, exercise is good and does improve our mood.
 
with Love,
Jude

Love is the only way

exercise is good and does improve our mood.

proven fact dear Joya!
You have been much in my thoughts this weekend
with love . . .
sparrow
 

everything counts... ♥