Dear Diane, Jude and Sparrow, thanks for your loving words and candles. It does make me feel good to know that someone is thinking and praying for me. As far as showing up for my kids and playing with them, I do all the time as I am usually the only one here for them. My hubby works long hours and sleeps most of the time during the day so they depend mostly on me for everything.  I am really trying to learn and love again.  In fact, I think that it would be so very much harder if I didn't have you all, my kids, my hubby and family. My kids usually keep me so busy that I really don't start thinking about things and having hard times till they are in the bed and I am all alone. I do always usually ask for extra hugs and kisses from the kids. Even Sam (Kyle's friend) has been giving me hugs. I know that things get hard on me some, so like you all said I try to look at all the blessings around me and not dwell on the negative things. It is so hard some times though. As far as a exercise program, I really think that is a good idea, I used to walk a mile a day but I slacked off when I found out I was pregnant with Kelsey and I got a treadmill at Christmas so I was using it some as well. Sometimes it is just hard to motivate and do exercising when I have such a busy schedule and feel so tired all the time. I do think that I will start walking a mile outside again as I really think that the outside air might do me some good. The kids last day of school is tomorrow (hard to belive another year has gone by), so I will not be so busy as far as staying on a set schedule and making sure everything is done by 8:00 p.m. for bedtime. ALthough I will be busy with all the kids since they will be out of school now. They are sort of looking forward to it and sort of not as I still make them do some school work while they are out so they don't forget anything that they have learned. (like reading and math etc)  I have really thought about doing some educational trips with them. That would get us out of the house and yet the kids learn something too. We will see. Thanks again for all your love,, thoughts, posts and suggestions. They mean more to me than you know. Love ALways. Joya 

I have really thought about doing some educational trips with them. That would get us out of the house and yet the kids learn something too.

Dear Joya,
that is very good idea! And it will do good to you,too.
You are one smart and clever girl and you are trying to go in right direction in life.
That is good thing and brave one,too. Keep trying!
 
Sending you and your family many regards,
Buba,Goran's mom

"What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments,
but what is woven into the lives of others." Pericles

I have to admit that this weekend has been very hard on me. It has been 2 months since I lost Kelsey and the pain and grief is still so strong. I guess that it was a good thing that I had to work all weekend to keep me busy and I had Sam all weekend too. We all went to Kelsey's grave and even Sam was emotional. Bless his heart. I was proud of myself as he asked where my baby was (before we went to the grave and at first I was so upset and I was sort angry and I said, what do you mean where is my baby?, and then I remembered that I was talking to a child that had no clue what pain and grief was so I just said " My baby is in Heaven now and that I didn't get to keep the baby."Bless his heart as he knew that it upset me and he didn't say anything else but then my 5 year old filled him in on everything and it was more sad that my 5 year old knew that he would never get to know if his sibling was a boy or girl. We were at the grave and my 5 year old was just talking about Kelsey. It so broke my heart. Kids don't really understand all the things that we do. They should not have to go through things like this. Sorry to ramble on. Thanks again for your posts and caring and the lighted candles. They mean so very much to me.

 
Dearest Joya ,
 
I have been thinking about this post for a while now ,
 
Joya I am saying this  out of love and concern for you and your family
 
as a child growing up  I carried so much grief with me daily
this grief  was not my grief but it was grief passed on  to me  from the lady who gave birth to me.
It has taken me nearly 42 years to come to terms with this .
now I am fortunate enough to be able to try and face what was passed on to  me as a child
it's not an easy path to go down by all means but with the help of D God and my adopted Mother I am
slowly and painfully off loading her burdens bit by bit..
 
I don't want you to go down the same path dear Joya nore your precious children not at all.
This is why I am saying please please get help that you so badly need.
 
Yes I know myself it's not always possible to stay happy for the sake of the children but Joya
these children are our future and we must try so hard to help them in any way we can.
 
Excercise will help you and it can heal certain things but I really do feel after reading this thread
you need now to reach out for a bit extra help.
 
I hope the hospital was able to help you Joya .I do know a good counsellor in America that may help
if need be it would be via email so this may suit you better.
 
I hope I have not hurt your feelings Joya but I am talking from a childs point of view and if
my own birth Mum got help when I was lttle I am 100% sure I would not be struggling
half as much as I am now .
 
You work so hard Joya each and everyday and I know you are the best Mother you could
possibly be.I just don't want you to end up completly broken I really don't.
 
I also know you care so much for your children so by doing this it will help you and them
 in the long run it really will.
 
Take care dear Joya and please know I care that's why I am saying this.
 
Sandraxx
 
 

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

Dear Buba and Sandra,  thanks for telling me that you think that I am heading in the right direction. I am so trying to figure things out. Sandra, I don't want to turn out like you said your real mom did (broken) and so, I am really trying to do things that will make sure that I won't do that.  I don' t want to go down a bad path either so that is why I am doing certain things to help. I have not had a chance to call the hospital yet but will try to do some time this week. I have looked into some internet concolling and we will see where that pans out first. I really litterally don't have time to be driving everywhere to go talk to someone. Especially now that the kids are out of school for the summer. I have thought that maybe between the internet councelling and me having the kids all summer and going on outings and doing exercising outside that that might be the first step if not help all the way around. We will see. I do want to do what is right for me but also for my kids as I love them so very much and I want them to be raised the right way and not have any regrets about what my parents could have done diffferent. If I see that this things I am not doing are helping, then I will look at more options.  Thanks so much for your caring and your love and candles. You all mean so very much to me.

Thanks for your comtinuing thoughts and prayers and candles. I went for a walk today with all 5 of my kids. We walked a mile and I have to say that I was proud of myself for getting out and taking the kids as well as sometimes it can be a challenge. Especially pushing the 2 kids in the stroller  then 3 kids when one of them got pooped but we managed. I was so tired and hot when we got back but at least I did it. I has been months since I have took a walk. I think mentally I did feel better even though I and the kids were exhausted when we got back. Thanks for your love and support. Love ALways, Joya

Congratulations, Joya!
You were exhausted, but I think it was a good kind of exausted. And exercise is good for the children as well. The next time it will be easier as you build up endurance!
 
A candle is burning for you!
 
Much love,
Edda

Peace and joy!

Well done Joya! Yes, the next time will be easier. I think walking is the best exercise...also swimming.
 
I will have to think about exercise now as I don't walk my Granddaughter to and from school anymore. It's about 1 and a half miles each way so I will be getting seriously unfit soon!!!
 
With Love,
Jude

Love is the only way

Dear Joya,
 
Sometimes it is in the simplist things that we heal!
My heart smiled in hearing this today! May you be blessed with many walks in God's presence and joy! Love you! Diane

Grateful to be here!
What a gift and connection builder!
Love and Gratitude,
Love who You Are

I smiled today
dear Joya,
because you went for a walk!
As the others have said,
the 'tired' is a good tired,
and the exercise helps push tension and anxiety out of your system.
Good for the children too!
Keep up the good work
with love . . .
sparrow

everything counts... ♥

Dear Joya,

You will not know me, but today I want to let you know that I have read some of your posts and always kept your concerns in my heart. I am not the person for saying much, so I have just silently prayed for you and your kids. I admire you for all you cope with, and I feel with you, being mother to one (now grown) son only. But as long as I can remember I have wished to have children, and I have always defined myself as a mother. It was a great pain for me, too, to lose my second child through miscarriage, a daughter I think, who I named Theresa. When my son was little, I used to "borrow" children for him to play with wherever I could find them. 
What your last post has made me want to share with you is this: I, like the others here, think that it´s great to go for walks with children; not only for the exercise you all get, but also for the chance of talking about things you see, like plants or animals... To this day I gratefully remember how my mother told me the names of wild flowers. (My husband once complained that his students of some twenty years had confused dandelions with sunflowers !)
I am sure you do have little or no time to spare with all the household chores, but let me ask: do you read to your children? I consider it one of the greatest gifts, which they will remember all through their lives. Again, let me quote my husband. When I complained that the windows were dirty as I had been reading to our son - and we spent hours that way - instead of cleaning, he retorted, "Who wants clean windows? I couldn´t care less. Reading is so much more important!"

Dear Joya, I hope you don´t mind my chatting, it is with much love for you and your kids.
Blessings on all of you,
Juliana

P.S.: In an essay, one of my students once wrote, "When you have children around you, you can never be completely unhappy." 

"Speak Peace in a World of Conflict" (M.B.Rosenberg)

It was a great pain for me, too, to lose my second child through miscarriage, a daughter I think, who I named Theresa.

 
Dearest Juliana my thoughts are with you right now and your precious little Theresa.
 
 
 
I am sure our children are so happy we are all friends as they are too I am sure.
 
 
Love and understanding Sandra xx
 
   

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

Thank you dear Juliana,
for bringing back some happy memories to me . . .
one of my favorite pastimes as a child
was sitting in my mother's arms
while she read to me,
so close I could feel the breath in her body
and the beating of her heart
so close
with love . . .
sparrow
     ♥

everything counts... ♥

Dear Diane, Sparrow, Edda, Jude & Juliana, I am sorry for now just getting back to here. Trust me when I say that I have been busy since Thurday evening. I appreciate all your posts and the love and candles as I have said before that it really helps me. I have just got to come on now as we had 2 accidents since Thursday. My baby was accidently cut terribly late Thursday night by his sister. (accidental obviously and a long story as she is only 3) It is a real bad cut and had to have stitches on the inside and outside. I could not get the blood to stop. It was so hard for me. I finally got home at 5:00 in the morning Friday from the hospital morning and was so exhaused then yesterday, I got home from work and my mom was visiting and watching the kids outside while I was taking a shower and my 11 year old and 5 year old decided to get the slipping slide out and my 5 year old went 1st and then it was Richard turn.. well, Richard put the slipping slide over one of their monster trucks that is metal (the hood was up on it and my mom didn't see it as it was black and it cut his knee... so back to the doc we went for more stictches. He was very fortunate as it could have cut his whole leg open but he got 10 stitches... so... to say that I am very STRESSED is a understatement. I am so on edge right now as I have been through lots on the last 72 hours. I am taking the baby back to his doc tomorrow as the cut is not looking like I think that it should tonight. He has me worried as the cut is so bad and if ya'll could have only seen how deep it is and was. I have been doing what the doc told me keeping it washed and medicine on there. I called the hopital where they sutured him up and they said to give it time. I don't know as I am so worried right now. You can tell that he is in pain as he holds it and he cries alot. Please just keep me in your thoughts and prayers right now.
 
AS far as the walking I was enjoying it and so were the kids. I didn't know but we had been walking over a mile and a half every day instead of a mile and it has been hot but like you all said that it is good for me and that is is good for the kids too. Guess I will have to either wait for a couple weeks or get my hubby to watch Richard as he can't won't be able to do some of the things that he is used to doing till his stitches come out. The kids are more important any way. The kids and I really have enjoyed the walking and it has wore them down some. (Which is good since they have lots of energy) So, between chasing the goats and the rest of the animals and us walking, I think they will get their energy and exercise.
 
 
Juliana, I am sorry for the loss of your daughter Theresa. You are also a blessing to so many. Thanks also for praying and posting to me. I do read with the kids. Actually the kids sometimes don;t like me through the summer I think as I do schoolwork with them throughout the summer so they don't forget what they have learned in school. One of the things that I do is read with them and they read to me. Then we have math and a journal entry. I give them every Friday off and we usually do something special on Fridays like the park etc. I have not started it yet this summer as I gave them the first week off last week but tomorrow it is back to the books. I am not perfect but I do try to help the kids not get behind and Kyle had to take the end -of -grade tests this year and only 6 in  the whole 20 kids passed and he was one of them. The rest had to be re-tutored and re-tested. I just tell the kids that it is for their own good and that one day maybe they will thank me. If they will do their work like they are suppose to, it usually doesn't take but 1 to 2 hours of their day. The rest of the day is theirs.  Juliana, please don't feel bad about liking to chat as you and the rest have made me feel some better tonight. I am lighting a candle for you and your Theresa.
 
Thanks again for each one of your love and support and candles. I love and appreciate you. Please know that each of you stay in my thoughts and prayers as well. Love ALways, Joya 

Dear Joya,
Thinking of you and hoping today will be more peaceful for you, and that the baby's cut will heal nicely too.
 
I'm glad you are keeping up the walking. It seems like a big deal, but once you are out and walking you realize how enjoyable it is.
I now need to take my own advice!
 
Wishing for some peaceful days for you,
 
Love,
Jude

Love is the only way

Dear Joya,
 
I am so sorry about the accidents around your house, but children are quite good at it! I hope and pray that the wounds will heal well and everyone be fine. Children tend to heal faster than grown-ups!
 
Much love,
Edda

Peace and joy!

Dear Joya . . .
I hope that today finds you in a more calm place,
that cuts are healing,
and things are returning to normal.
You are a brave and strong person,
and for me,
please give yourself a pat on the back.
For you~ be kind to yourself
and give yourself a break
with love . . .
sparrow

everything counts... ♥

Dear Joya
 
Sorry to hear about your little ones stitches
it never rains but it pours comes to mind
Like Edda said children heal quicker than adults
thank D God.
 
You do so much with a bunch full of kids and animals I take my hat of to you!!
 
Your children are such a blessing  to this world as you are too!
 
Take care Joya love Sandraxxx
 
 

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

Joya,
 
I am glad to hear everyone is healing now after your day of accidents around and in your home. I hope the babies stitches heal well. It is hard to keep them clean when they are that age. Do you bandage it up? You can also cut a sock to put on it for added protection over the bandage. If it's in spot like the arm or leg or foot. Mommy tricks...and good doctors and nurses what a blessing!
I am glad the walking is helping you and the kids! Hey build it up maybe two miles it will be refreshing for all of you.
 
I loved this PS....from Juliana!
 
 
P.S.: In an essay, one of my students once wrote, "When you have children around you, you can never be completely unhappy." 

What a blessing they are! Pure joy except when they are splitting up their skin!!! Hey Joya! Never a dull moment either! They usually will find some way to make even visits to the hospital  a joke or a comedy or just bring us to a smile somehow even in the worst of times. Just think about all you learned on Thursday and Friday! More doctor and nurse wisdom and experience for Joya the abundant mother! Always a blessing happening remember that!
 
Much love to you,
Diane

Grateful to be here!
What a gift and connection builder!
Love and Gratitude,
Love who You Are

oh Joya,
what a story.  two children with stiches.  Of ocurse you were aghausted.  I understand you wanting to have the baby checked out by the doctor again.  As Edda said, and she knows better than anyone, kids do tend to heal faster than adults.  But I will surely light a candle for them now.  I lit one for you earlier, before reading this.
 
I am totally impressed with the walking.  I too admire you.  Your strength raising all the chidlren. and the animals you have.  You do manage to find the strength.   I do so admire your fortitude and strength.  The candle I lit for you earlier was asking that you be nurtured and nourished.  This is my wish for you.  Now I will light candle for your children's healing.  Sending love, liliwings

No need to spend endless hours, days, weeks searching for the rainbow.  Open your heart and your eyes to see and know you are the rainbow you seek.  Rejoyce in the beauty of the co-creation of you.

Joya, i was lighting a candle for you and discovered that I must have hit my limit for the week. So here is my candle and prayer for you
May Joya be nourished and nurtured. She gives so much to so many.  May she receive nurturing and healing from those who recognize her heart.  Thank you

No need to spend endless hours, days, weeks searching for the rainbow.  Open your heart and your eyes to see and know you are the rainbow you seek.  Rejoyce in the beauty of the co-creation of you.