Would please do me do me a favor and light me a candle? I lost a baby due to miscarriage this past Monday April 6. I has just found out that I was 6 weeks pregnant. We found out by ultrasound and we found the baby and the baby heartbeart. We were not expecting this but we were all excited about the baby even the kids. I had started bleeding about twice once I found about about my pregnancy. I was so scared that I would loose the baby that I have not said a whole lot to anyone. My worst nightmare came true. This past weekend I was soooooo sick and nausiated. I just thought I had morning sickness or I had a stomach virus. I went to go to the bathroon Monday and that is when that I noticed I was bleeding real bad . I then told my hubby I was loosing the baby. I then went with my sister to the doctor and by the time I got there I was bleeding very bad with big clots. I then had my ultrasound and I told the lady not to wait till I saw the doctor but to tell me if my baby was dead. She then told me that yes my baby heart had quit beating. She then said that it would be awhile before I would deliver the baby so she brought the doctor in and the doctor said that I would have to have an D/C and D/E done. They could not get me in till WEdnesday for my surgery so they sent me home with pain pills. Well Tuesday afternoon came and I started contracting lots and I was in alot of pain. I then started passing even bigger clots so I called the doctor and I was rushed to the doctor afraid that I was going to bleed out. When I got there I went in the bathroom and there my baby was born. I still ended up having to have the surgery though as I was bleeding do much and passing so many clots and I still had tissue up in my body. So, here I am today writing this with such a broken heart. As many of you know, this is my 3rd miscarriage and it doesn't get any easier. I am so very mad at everyone and everything right now. So many people have said I am sorry and that is nice of them but that is not going to bring my babies I lost back!!!!!Alot of people say that I should not be upset as I have more kids at home but you know every baby and child is different. I love all my kids whether they be my step-kids or my biological kids. I will always love my kids and will always love my angel babies that I have lost. I am so heart broken as it has been so hard telling and explaining this to my kids. They already had a name picked out and every thing.  The kids have taken it very hard as you can imagine as well as this is the first time my hubby has had to deal with this. Please just light a candle and keep us in your thoughts as we try to get through this very hard time in our lives. It has been so hard writing this post. Thanks for reading this and if I don't answer your post for a few days it is not that I am agnoring you, it is that I am trying to sort things out. Thanks again for all the support that ya'll have given me in the past. It's friends like you that help the world go round. With love....

"LIFE IS NOT MEASURED IN THE BREATHS WE TAKE, IT IS MEASURED IN HOW MANY MOMENTS THAT TAKE OUR BREATH AWAY!"

Dear Joya,
There really are no words to express my sorrow for your loss.  No words to bring you comfort, or to ease the pain.  Please just know that I am praying for you.  And thinking of you with great love in my heart.  My deepest sorrow goes to you and your family during this time.  I have lit a candle in a group called  Joya.  With love and light, liliwings

Dearest Joya,
 
My heart goes out to you in your deep sorrow. Words are of little comfort and sound empty.
So, I assure you that I wil keep you and your family in my prayers and light a candle for you.
 
Much love and warm hugs,
Edda

Peace and joy!

Dearest Joya,
I'm glad you found the courage to come here and post.
 
My heart aches for you and I will be lighting candles for you and your family, and the lttle angel you have lost.
 
With Much Love,
Jude ♥

Love is the only way

Dear Joya, it is very hard to be a mother and to lost a baby at the same time - I want to say I know dear how are you feeling but you MUST take good care of yourself and your health right now,because all your children need you so much and for a so long time ahead!That is why it is difficult to be a mom and to lost a baby ! I know that your heart is broken and full of sorrow. I will pray for your health and strength to go through this hard and painfull time for you and your family.

~with regards and love~
   Buba,Goran's mom

"What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments,
but what is woven into the lives of others." Pericles

Joya Dear,
 
My thoughts are with you at this sad time.
 
I am sure no matter how many earth children you have this does not take away the
 
heartache of loosing a child that you had hopes and dreams for.
 
Your children will recover from this, but for you you need time and love from all
 
around you to help you in many ways.
 
 
Joya I know it's easier said than done but you really need to try and rest your body

you really do.
 
I will light a candle for you and your 'forever Babies'.
 
Take care Joya Peace be with you this Easter and the coming days
 
and months ahead.
 
Sandraxx ♥

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

Dear, dear Joya . . .
Thank you for feeling that you could trust us
with your deep heartache . . .
we hold you tenderly in our arms,
and pray for you in the coming days
with much love and compassion . . .
sparrow

everything counts... ♥

i hold you in my heart prayerfully...i am so sorry to hear of your loss.

love to you...

[image]http://img185.imageshack.us/my.php?image=bcandle3fq9.gif[image]

To everyone who has posted I really appreciate it more than you know. Right now my feelings, are soo raw. I can't eat, can't sleep. When I do sleep and wake up I catch myself asking my hubby am I still pregnant or did I loose the baby and have surgery. My mind is not wanting to accept this and I guess the rest of me is not either. The hospital gave us the baby to bring back home and bury. My hubby went ahead and buried the baby where we can always visit and we are going to plant flowers that bloom year around on the grave. As far as the baby's name we told the kids since we will never know whether it was a boy or girl to pick a unisex name that they can call the baby instead of just calling the baby baby. The kids have really taken this hard as well. I guess it will just take us awhile to get through this. You never get over something like this but I don't know what is next. The hospital sent us a bereavemant packet home and I just can't stand to even look at them. I have found myself just wanting to confine myself to my house and room and not wanting people to come over. The reason I have done some things is for the kids. I know that I have to go on for the kids but I am dying inside. We are suppose to have lots of company Sunday for Easter and I don't know what to do as I don't feel like I am going to handle it well at all. I think that I will always hate Easter now. I believe in God and many of you know that my dad is a preacher but it's like I told my patrents and others it's hard to believe that God would make a innocent child's heart just quit beating or make a innocent child have a disease or be born sick etc. I don't understand. I feel like that if God knew that this was going to happen, why did he let me get pregnant to start with. I know this sounds selfish but it's not fair to the baby to be conceived then all the sudden be in Heaven. The pain in my heart is so strong right now. I just hope that my baby didn't feel any pain. The doctor who did my surgery said that I was a high risk case when I get pregnant but he did go on to say that if he was me, that he would go ahead and try to have another baby quickly. He said that that is what most clients he has does. Especially since we have kids invlovled. He said that if we don't have any more kids, the kids will always have a negativity in their mind on the baby versus if we have another baby, then this baby will be missed but the kids will have their love to give the new baby. It just doesn't make sense to me. Reguardlss when and if we decide to have another baby, the pain will still be there. Also, if we decide to try again the wondering if the next baby will die will be on our mind as well. Does that make any sense to anyone? Right now I feel like I can't make any decisions of any kind. I feel so numb to people, to the world. This is a nightmare and I feel I won't never wake up. Sorry this is so long and I am so negative right now. I can't help what I feel. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

"LIFE IS NOT MEASURED IN THE BREATHS WE TAKE, IT IS MEASURED IN HOW MANY MOMENTS THAT TAKE OUR BREATH AWAY!"

Dear Joya,
you are in my thoughts!

  This is a nightmare and I feel I won't never wake up.

I understand that feeling very well as I live in nightmare about 3 years...

Right now I feel like I can't make any decisions of any kind. I feel so numb to people, to the world.

Give yourself time dear, to get stronger , in body and in spirit ...
I'll keep you close to my heart tonight and pray for you...
~with love~
Buba,Goran's mom

"What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments,
but what is woven into the lives of others." Pericles

Dearest Joya,
What strikes me about your post is that everyone is giving you too much to deal with and think about just now. You are right to go within and just be by yourself. That is what your body/mind/soul needs, so go with it. This isn't the right time to make decisions of any kind.
 
I don't think I could cope with visitors just at the moment,if I were in your shoes, but you must do what your heart tells you. Dont be afraid to do what is best for you.
 
Above all Joya, you need time and the love of your children and husband. Draw strength from them.
 
You are never far from my thoughts dear Joya.
 
with Love and Hugs,
Jude
 

Love is the only way

Dear Joya,

As I read your post my heart aches for you!
This is not the time to make decisions and it isn't reasonable for anyone to expect you to! I think it is really important to let your body rest and heal, especially before you make any decisions about another pregnancy.

If you feel you have to have company, let others help. The women certainly will understand that you can't possibly be up to doing everything by yourself, that you are tired in body and spirit.

Healing your heart is more difficult. Today is Good Friday, and you are having your personal Good Friday! Why do these things happen? I don't have an answer. But then, why did God let his own Son suffer and die? We are told that God so loved the world that he wanted to share in our suffering.  Imagine Mary standing by the cross.  She knows how you feel!

Much love and warm hugs,
Edda

 

Peace and joy!

Dear Sweet Joya,

I sent you a PM and I also will go light some candles for you in the Joya group.
 
I want to talk more to you on the phone. Please call as much as you need or want to.
 
Praying for you at this most difficult of times.
 
With much love for you and your family, Karen
 
PS do not beat yourself up for anything you are feeling now. its only natural and understandable.

integrity is shown when no one is looking

Dear Joya,
 Your suffering is so understandable.  I agree with Jude and Edda,  This is not a time to make big decisions.  Trust your heart ....... in due time........ to make any decisions regarding the future.  Not now though.  Now is a time to get from moment to moment.   I am holding you in prayer.  liliwings

Dear Joya,
 
My heart breaks with you. May rest and healing accompany you each moment. Please accept my deepest sympathy at this time. I will light a candle for you and all of your family.
 
Peaace, Love and Joy,
Diane

Grateful to be here!
What a gift and connection builder!
Love and Gratitude,
Love who You Are

Dear, dear Joya . . .
Of course your feelings are raw . . .
this is one time for sure
that you must listen to those who care for you,
and to be kind to yourself . . .
allow yourself your grief,
and take care of your heart and your body.
And also,
to take the time you need
before making any decisions . . .
My heart goest out to you dear Joya . . .
I know this is painful for you,
but please know that my thoughts and prayers
are surely with you
with love and with tenderness . . .
sparrow

everything counts... ♥

((((holding you in my heart, praying for you)))))

with love....

[image]http://img185.imageshack.us/my.php?image=bcandle3fq9.gif[image]

Thanks for all of your love and support and for all your lighted candles. I have had such a hard time dealing with this. My heart will be forever broken as I can't imagane what I have done to deserve this. My kids are still asking lots of questions and my 3 year old still thinks "her" baby is still in my tummy. The thought of never getting to see this baby and my other baby angels reach my other kids milestones hurts so deeply. I have a hard time sleeping at night (as now it is 1:30 am in the morning) and when I wake up I ask my hubby " am I still pregnant or did I loose the baby and have I had my surgery" It's like my mind is playing games with me. Then I look at my hards which look so badly bruised right now ( as the one hand and wrist they tried to get a vein and my vein blew and fillied up with I.V. fluid fast.) ( The other was from just the second I.V.) or I go to the bathroom and then it hits me this is no nightmare it is realilty and my baby will NEVER come back. I have so many unanswered questions. I have not ate in days. I just don't know what else to do.  Thanks again for your thoughts, prayers and candle lighting as they are so needed right now.

"LIFE IS NOT MEASURED IN THE BREATHS WE TAKE, IT IS MEASURED IN HOW MANY MOMENTS THAT TAKE OUR BREATH AWAY!"

Dearest Joya,
We will continue to be here for you and to light candles for you.
Love wings it's way to you from our hearts which are hurting for you.
I can't imagine your grief, but do be gentle with yourself and just take one day at a time.
My heart goes out to your children too, who must find it so hard to understand. Time will heal them.
 
Blessings and Love to you dear Joya,
Jude ♥

Love is the only way

Dear Joya,

Words can not express the pain you are going through completely, but I feel honored that you feel strong enough to share your story with us. We are here to uplift you and keep your close at heart during this most difficult time.


My prayers continue for you and your husband and the other kids. Please get some rest and try not to overburden yourself at this tender time. I will go light more candles for you and your little one lost.

with hugs and Love,
karen

integrity is shown when no one is looking