Well, it isn't quite that limited.  How about very tiny ups and downs?  I know that in order to experience joy we must risk pain, etc, and that ultimately it is all resolved in God.  At least I know it by reading/listening to folks such as the historical and contemporary contemplatives in the Judeo-Christian and Buddhist traditions (and to a lesser degree Hindu and Sufi sources, simply for lack of exposure)*.  And I notice that many such major/skilled/experienced voices in Christianity and Buddhism are represented by an increasingly elderly group.  I suppose I feel I have come late to the party, as it were, and that by the time I am humble and bright enough to know what to say, that these folks will have finished their earthly journey. 

Meanwhile, I am still what could be called comfortably numb.  I ocassionally have glimpses of regret or mortality, but generally I am ambivalent.  I don't experience the sublime.  I don't have the depth of which Tillich spoke in discussing an orientation to a focus of ultimate concern.  The wisdom of folks like Meister Eckart, Julian of Norwich, John of the Cross etc etc through Fr. Thomas Merton, Fr. Thomas Keating, Br. David Steindl-Rast and their counter-parts in other sacred traditions, makes great sense as ideas.  I whole-heartedly give my full intellectual assent.  But it doesn't seem to translate into a growth or spaciousness of heart.  And it isn't from a lack of pain or tragedy in my past.  So am I just really well-adjusted or am I just disconnected?  No, I am not looking for counseling or seeking a professional diagnosis or opinion; but I am wondering if anyone else has felt this way?  Is there some extra-special method for those who have major difficulty summoning genuine gratitude for "life", or "nature", or whatever it is people generally focus on when starting to seek/generate gratefulness?

(*If just reading about/intellectually understanding the sacred and the spiritual was all it took, by now I might be halfway to sainthood!  But I know it is really an experiential exercise, not dependent on intelligence or education.)

"Life does not accommodate you; it shatters you. Every seed destroys its container, or else there would be no fruition."
-Florida Scott-Maxwell

Welcome to the forum dear Dave . . .
I don't think you have 'come late to the party' . . .
I think you are just in time,
and you are exactly where you are supposed to be.
Your post is very thought-provoking,
and I think that many of us have felt the same as you describe.
I went through years of wondering if I was fixed or if I was broken.
A shift had occurred in my consciousness that I couldn't explain . . .
and I wobbled through those years floating in various states of confusion
and agony and even joy.
It was the agony that drove me to search deeper.
The writings of several people you have mentioned
have spoken to me
and were instrumental in reaching the heart where my soul lives,
and planted the seeds,
which are now just beginning to grow and flourish.
About five years ago during a particularly 'dark night of the soul'
I started to keep a gratitude journal.
My instructions were
to write down five things every day
that I was grateful for--
even on a particularly bad day,
to acknowledge that there were indeed at least five things
that I had to be grateful for.
I did this
some days almost with hate and resentment in my heart,
and over time I noticed that it was changing how I saw my life
and the world around me.
I can only describe it as a slow, simmering magic.
As simple as it sounds,
it really did change me.
I was like 'act as if and so it shall be'--it was becoming.
I still keep that gratitude journal,
and most days
I am able to see the glass is half full rather than half empty.
 
Last summer I discovered the work of Eckhart Tolle and Arjuna Ardagh,
('The Power of Now', 'A New Earth', and 'the Translucent Revolution')
which are more 'modern' perhaps
in their language
but have been the catalyst that has made all the difference.
Now I go back and read the old masters
and their words are even richer and wiser than I had seen before.
 
You are not alone, Dave . . .
I hope you will return to the forum,
explore the threads,
and share your journey with us
with love . . .
sparrow

everything counts... ♥

I would also like to welcome you to the forum Dave.
I am not the brightest of people in order to answer your
questions Dave,however I do understand what you are saying.
 
I feel sometimes we do have to feel pain to experience joy,
but also joy comes with shear happiness too.
I was once in such a dark and horrid place and I really
thought there was no way out on earth.
I clung so hard to the numbness in the hope that it would ease
my grief or even make it go away,it did not of course .
 
 
The wisdom of folks like Meister Eckart, Julian of Norwich, John of the Cross etc etc through Fr. Thomas Merton, Fr. Thomas Keating, Br. David Steindl-Rast and their counter-parts in other sacred traditions, makes great sense as ideas.  I whole-heartedly give my full intellectual assent.  But it doesn't seem to translate into a growth or spaciousness of heart.  And it isn't from a lack of pain or tragedy in my past.  So am I just really well-adjusted or am I just disconnected?  No, I am not looking for counseling or seeking a professional diagnosis or opinion; but I am wondering if anyone else has felt this way?  Is there some extra-special method for those who have major difficulty summoning genuine gratitude for "life", or "nature", or whatever it is people generally focus on when starting to seek/generate gratefulness?

 
Dave you express your words so well ..
 
But it doesn't seem to translate into a growth or spaciousness of heart.  And it isn't from a lack of pain or tragedy in my past. 
 
I can firmly say Brother David and all who I have met
 through this wonderful man have really made me grow,
so much so that now my heart feels open again ,open for love
and so much learning.
 
Dave I never saw genuine gratitude for "life", or "nature",
not at all for a few years,then after being welcomed into this
forum home I began to read and read and read until I then knew
I was worthy of such joys again.
 
I am reading one of Brother David's at the moment and for me
this has really made me value me as a person but more so other's
too.
 
Dave like dear Sparrow says it's never too late to join the
party,I thought it was, but for me now I am so proud to say
my party has just started.
 
Sorry now I could not answer your questions but I just wanted
to say welcome dear Dave.
 
Sandra

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

Dear Dave, welcome!
 
Looking at your profile I see that you spend much of your day "in your head". It may be hard to get out of this mode to experience in your heart. Sparrow's suggestion of a gratitude journal has been helpful to many. Perhaps there is another way. Remember something you totally enjoyed, perhaps some music, the presence of another, even eating a special meal or just a piece of fruit or cake. Can you recall that feeling? Do you not also feel glad about this gift of enjoyment? I think this is gratitude! Or you might sit in front of one of these beautiful blooming trees and just look at it without wondering about what kind of tree it is, etc. Or you could watch the antics of a kitten, so full of life! Allow yourself to feel it and you may discover also a feeling of gratitude for being able to witness it.
 
In my profession as pediatrician I had to be in my head much of the time, but I would stop to take delight in the smile of a baby, a mother's pride and love for a child, the excitement of a ten-months old  taking some steps and beiing so proud.
You might find joy in the brightness, the generosity you see in at least some of your students and pay attention to how it feels.
 
This isn't a special "method" but perhaps you might find some of this helpful.
 
With every good wish and love,
Edda  

Peace and joy!

Thanks for the kind words.  I guess I do live in my head.  I don't want to sound morbid or gloomy, but I suppose if truth be told, I figure that if I had a Its A Wonderful Life Moment, Clarence (or whichever angel I was assigned) would tell me "Jump, or I'll shove you myself!"

As for my happiest moments, they are from periods in my life when I had constant contact with friends or family and seemed to have limitless options for my future.  This would be roughly birth to about 10-11 years of age, and then from about 19-23 years of age.  The first run was me living with my mother and one of my sisters and having lots of friends as a little kid.  I can't remember all the details, as I haven't seen or talked to anyone I knew then since I was 10-11, but I remember enough.  Then we moved twice in one year, the second time because my mother re-married.  I didn't get along well with my new dad (personality clash), and I really didn't fit in at school.  I eventually became a pariah, not going to any dances or parties throughout middle and high school and spending my time outside of school, church, and sports either doing chores or completely alone.  Hence the big pick up at 19 when I went to college and had a chance to make friends and have a social life.  After that, the business of adulthood, grad school, and work took over and I saw my friends less and less until we stopped meeting altogether.  I avoid introspection because when I look back I tend to focus on regret (because I was ruled by a fear of failure) and when I look forward I see extremely limited options.  So, while I am aware of how much human tragedy and suffering there is in the world, and I know that my relative riches and life of ease (compared to the truly poor) could easily be taken away, oddly it doesn't work the way one would think in terms of gratitude, unless it is my weakness speaking ("Thank goodness I don't have to do that for a living", "Thank goodness I don't have to live under those conditions").  But that is selfishness and fear speaking, not genuine gratitude which comes from love.

OK, well, I hate sharing personal stuff so I will let it go at this point.  Please don't post sympathy.  I just thought it might be useful if folks had a better idea of where I was coming from.  It isn't as gloomy as it sounds, it's just discussing it all at once that makes it seem really bad.  I will stop my whining and complaining and leave that now to this post.  No one ever felt gratitude by  having a Narcissistic pity party!

"Life does not accommodate you; it shatters you. Every seed destroys its container, or else there would be no fruition."
-Florida Scott-Maxwell

So, while I am aware of how much human tragedy and suffering there is in the world, and I know that my relative riches and life of ease (compared to the truly poor) could easily be taken away, oddly it doesn't work the way one would think in terms of gratitude,

 
Dear Dave,
I think we all have this guilt trip about our particular pains not being worthy because they aren't as bad as they could be.
But they are our pains, and to us they are bad enough. We can honour that fact without wallowing in self pity. After all, they are making our lives uncomfortable, and from that point of view are important.
Sharing doesn't take the problem away, but it may lighten the burden a little.
 
Blessings,
Jude

Love is the only way

Dear Dave . . .
You are thinking now,
maybe not happy,
maybe not grateful,
but something is happening
or I don't think you would be here.
Maybe you are just beginning to grow into awareness.
At the risk of making the other forum members groan at my redundance,
I offer you this link,
and I ask you to sit in presence with it
for the whole 5 minutes and 32 seconds.
I don't think you could possibly feel quite the same
afterwards . . .
http://www.gratefulness.org/brotherdavid/a-good-day.htm
with love . . .
sparrow

everything counts... ♥

Fist let me say welcome Dave.  I am so silly, i thought that your name was scott when I replied to another post.  Now I see thats the author of your signiture
 
Dave,  I very much agree with all the wise words posted here.  trying to spend more time in the heart. Watching the video "A new day"  and all other things said.   I could not feel sympathy for you.  Because I respect that your path is just right for the healing that you came to do
 
 I was reading a book years ago written by someone from England who is a healer and channel.  Usually she channels a guide who is a teacher for others.  But this time, during a class she was teaching,  someone else came through. She was an old crone who said (and I paraphrase)  "I wish you all suffering"  (collective gasp was heard ini the class)  "Because it is in our suffering that we have the opportunity to find our greatest gifts"
 
I do think that for many, the practice of gratefulness can start off as a "fake it till you make it" kind of thing.  There is a saying :  what you put your attention on, you will create more of.  This is why I joined the gratefulness forum.  Because i deeply believe this truth.  We draw to us more of whatever we think, feel, create in the world.
 
I personally feel that things are falling apart in the world.  And I think this is a very important thing. I feel that this is true for manyyyyyyyy people as well.  I ask how can things come together in a better way if they do not fall apart?  Even personally.  The plant kingdom knows this well.
 
With falling apart many can and do experience great pain, fear and introspection.  If we are impatient or agitated wanting more, maybe  this means that we actually have that "more inside of us, or very close"  How else could we want it???  I do not believe that we can want something we are not in recognition of. 
 
I have great faith in anyone who wants to cultivate more of what is true substance.      Right or wrong, I always say the first steps for what we want are setting the intention, saying the prayers and then paying close attention to where we are being led.......or what is right in front of us. 
 
Gratitude is important.  Eventually  in the moment.  But to come here each day and look back to find  what I saw did felt that I did not appreciate in the moment is part of cultivating gratitude also. 
 
Finally, I will say that I believe that as souls sometimes we take on challenges so that we can heal them.  How can we heal what we do not take on.  I believe that as, and when, we heal this we get to keep that healing forever as a soul.  Looking at things this way helps me to know that there are reasons for the challenges I have experienced. And judging myself for them (judging the resistance I carry) would be misled.  Sending love light and angels, liliwings  ps sometimes I will learn to be more succinct
 

No need to spend endless hours, days, weeks searching for the rainbow.  Open your heart and your eyes to see and know you are the rainbow you seek.  Rejoyce in the beauty of the co-creation of you.