Dear Dave . . .
I think I do know what you are talking about.
Everyone handles their spiritual life in different ways.
Many people are comfortable in churches, temples, and mosques
where they feel embraced and at home,
and to me this is wonderful.
My father was a progressive Presbyterian minister in many ways,
and when I was a child,
our family visited many many different houses of worship.
But I am afraid,
that in spite of all my father's efforts,
his attempts at teaching me to think independently
perhaps backfired,
as I have grown up to be a bit of a loner,
and do not join any group easily.
Unable to
find 'God' in any church I have been to,
my practice has become a rather solitary one . . .
here at this forum,
I am most able to express myself spiritually.
Other than that,
I practice by trying to be present to my life,
and to what each experience I encounter
holds for me,
and ask myself what I can give to it . . .
'sitting' . . . simply
sitting is worship for me.
Some would call it meditation,
but I am most comfortable calling it 'sitting' . . .
I read books that speak to me,
and listen to what other people say . . .
people like those you have mentioned,
and others.
Once I start looking,
the path always leads to another source
and another.
Many teachings I have found quite 'by accident'
,
and many through mention by others
on this web site.
It seems that although my pursuit seems lonely
(and indeed it is sometimes),
the teacher always comes to me,
and in the negative space of loneliness
I find something rich and nourishing,
and at times I feel
that I can actually hear the voice of 'God'.
I used to have grand ideas of making a big difference in the world . . .
in grade school,
maybe fifth grade (?),
in preparation for 'meet the teacher' night,
all of us students took turns lying down on huge sheets of brown paper,
where we traced each other's bodies with black crayons.
We then drew and coloured in the type of clothing we would wear
in the profession we dreamed that someday we would pursue.
Then we cut these figures out,
and bent them to 'sit' behind our desks.
When our parents entered the class that night,
they would see a whole classroom of these brown paper cut-outs.
It was quite fun.
I remember very clearly,
that I drew a dress and coloured it yellow,
and drew my arm folded across my breast,
holding a black bible,
as I hoped to become a missionary when I grew up.
Well, we all know now that this did not happen.
In fact,
longstoryshort
my road to 'God'
has been long and circuitous,
and has not brought me back to church in the end
(at least so far),
but it
has brought me to a place of deeper spirituality
than I could have imagined,
and might never have begun to experience
were it not for the long and circuitous road.
And discovering gratitude
(as simple as it might sound)
was perhaps the first real step . . .
the most significant thing
that has grounded me
in this life . . .
simply
being grateful.
I have discovered that I can't change the whole world,
but I can change
my whole world . . .
I can't discover every spiritual teaching there is,
but I can make the most of what truly resonates within me,
and seek for quality there.
For in the end,
I think it is within the quality rather than quantity
where God lives.
As I write this,
the Parable of Mushin
comes to mind.
I copied it into another thread some months ago . . .
here is a link to the page.
You will have to scroll down.
The thread is called 'tell me a story...'
http://my.gratefulness.org/m17639.aspx You may be lonely in your practice
dear Dave,
but you are most certainly not alone.
Gratitude removes the roadblocks
if I practice it unrelentingly . . .
gratitude when experienced fully,
allows me to see the face of God,
and assures me of my place in this world . . .
gratitude gives life meaning
(for me)
and grounds me in what is present
with love . . .
sparrow