Re:HAPPY BIRTHDAY SANDRA
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6/29/2009 12:39 PM
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#26 )
Dear All of You Who have complimented the Video,
I need you all to know the story of the Video, please excuse if this is long. When the thought of making it came up, initial reaction was “I can’t” but it kept bugging me so PM’s were sent to all requesting pictures, birthday wishes, etc, knowing I didn’t have a clue how to do it. I gave Sandra an excuse of wanting to make one for a friend, which was true at the time but didn’t happen. When I consistently misunderstood her directions she volunteered to do it for me, which was impossible. There was a month and I had nine days of retreat to work on it, so something would come up.
She had generously been allowing me to use her Photobucket account but I would now need my own also. Directions were read and reread and some pictures collected (most of which couldn’t be used since they were .gif rather than .jpg. )
After the first couple of days of retreat, my director put me on “internet blackout” so that wiped out the big block of time that I would use. Return from retreat brought return to some serious problems at home which needed immediate care and solutions, and the next day Father’s Day needed to be celebrated. June 22, Monday night, I got back to it, not remembering anything I had learned before retreat since retreat had been very intense.
Facing an almost empty video different approaches were tried and no results. Prayer went out that if this be what the Holy One wanted, I would push through and follow our God’s lead. If it didn’t work, then I would just post an apology that I had tried and just couldn’t do it. Failure is not a BAD thing. It is a true gift of “learning” if allow it to be. Retreat was mostly about “living contemplatively,” or as
my director put it, “have your feelings, go through them, and then go on. DO NOT
allow them to HAVE you. Stop thinking and controlling, your heart, your soul and your gut will just know. It’s not about what YOU WANT, it is about following.” My dear food pantry friend used to always say, “some times you just have to push through it and just keep on keeping on.”
With that advice haunting me, “following” began, but the “me” slipped in often in areas of “I want those pictures, etc. By Friday afternoon, it seemed as though there would be a video, even though it was not what “I” had wanted or planned. Then the brick wall really hit. Many of the pictures I had decided to use were to large and when they were reduced, either couldn’t be seen or couldn’t be read. In order to get something done, which “gut” was still pushing for, there wasn’t enough time to “search” out the pictures “I” thought would be perfect. Quick scans were made, pictures replaced, order of songs and pictures changed, new titles put on pictures etc. By noon Saturday, I knew it had to be finalized whether it seemed “right” to me or not.
Saturday evening, after it was finalized, I sent the web address to Sandra so that she would be the first one to see it. Her response was “How Did you Know????
Apparently the changed order of the songs, the changed order or some pictures, the new greetings which replaced those “I” had picked were “perfect” and extremely meaningful to her. So, yes, I finally put “me” aside and allowed “it” to happen even though I tremendously doubted, and I did “STOP THINKING” and controlling, and the video was posted. From my perspective, you all need to know that for a very large part of this video, I didn’t have a clue as to why songs and pictures were in the order they were or what the choice of specific pictures would mean.
That credit goes not to me but to Our God and the gift that the Holy One wanted for
Sandra for her birthday. The whole incident reminded me of the story about the statue of Jesus found after World War II with a sign on it reading “I have no hands but yours.” For me, this was an exercise in allowing myself to ONLY BE THE HANDS, AND NOT TAKE OVER THE ROLE OF THE HEAD AND THE HEART. So, my dears, please also give credit where it is due. The video is not about Betty’s great computer skills. Anyone who really knows me well, knows I don’t have them. It is more about a time “where I just had to keep pushing through”, let go of what “I” wanted and be willing to fail completely, put aside MY agenda, surrender and listen and then allow “IT’ to happen no matter how scary the fear of complete failure might be.
Blessings to all of you. I am always amazed at how much the Holy One can do with how little when I am willing to surrender “my kingdom come” and what I WANT AND KNOW SHOULD HAPPEN, face the fears and possible failure and then let go.
Yesterday is gone forever.Tomorrow may not come. Live Fully each moment today. Look for Good Things that Happen to you Every Day.