My Son

Judy's Candle Group: Scott.

J:
I'm still pullin' for you, hon. You're beauty is infectious!

The Goddess is alive and there is magick afoot.
Arow Blackdragon
Valley of the Kings

I hope that things are going better with your son. Your granddaughter is lucky to have you there for her. I hope that your son starts being a better son and parent and start treating you with the respect that you deserve.
 
All of the people on this message board are very supportive and we are all here for you.
 
Take one day at a time . I will light a candle for you

With Hope each of us can have a life with Peace, Faith and Love.

Thank you Arow and Vicky for your lovely messages - much appreciated.
Love J.

Love is the only way

Adding my prayers for continued healing and blessings in your life. May love surround you and peace be at your center.

Dear Everyone,
 
An update you will be pleased to read! Tonight, on return from his week away at a Shiatsu retreat, my Son thanked me for looking after his daughter. Great! Then he asked for a word with me and told me he knew I'd always loved him. (his eyes were full of tears)
He still thinks that most of the resonsibility is mine for the breakdown of our relationship, but would like us to go to counselling to sort it out once and for all. I swallowed my indignation at being 'to blame' and gave him a big hug, and welcomed him back. An answer to prayer indeed.
 
He has obviously been doing some 'inner' work at the retreat in preparation for being a practitioner, and our conflict must have been his focus. (I'm only guessing as we haven't had chance to talk yet)
 
Anyway, please keep up the candles and prayers, as this is a big break-through and I hope and pray it continues.
 
Much Love and thanks, J

Love is the only way

Dear Judith, this is the best news I have had all day! I am happy for you that there is a good chance to heal your relationship with your son. I admire your wisdom in not getting into the blame game! I so hope it all will work out.
I'll continue to keep you and him in my prayers and light candles for you.
With much love,
Edda

Peace and joy!

Dear Judith: Answered prayers, indeed. Have you seen how many answered prayers we've had lately?
 
I'm really happy for you and will continue to offer you support.
 
With love,
Emil

Dear Judith,
 
SMILES all around!!!!! I'm so HAPPY  for YOU!!!  This is wonderful news.
Will keep up the prayers and candles for you and your son.
Thanks Judith, for letting us know and making our day a better one.Please do keep us posted. 
Love,
Blue
 
PS: THANK-YOU GOD!  
 
 

J:
I think it is just lovely that the lines of communication between you and your son are now more open than they were. And, agreeing wholeheartedly with Edda, I think it is a peacefully humble attitude you took toward 'the blame.' 'Blame' is such an ugly thing, at times. And it can waste energy like no one's business! Keep your head, remember your focus. A friend of mine who is currently in the initial stages of an intimate relationship called me to bounce some ideas around (he loves debate, just like me!). He kept saying "I don't know which road to take. I just wish I could see the right way." I told him, "Maybe that path isn't in your sight, yet. But I've faith that, when the right path does come along, you'll take it." I feel that way about you, too!

On a side note:
Emil:
I can't read all the threads to keep up on all the answered prayers, but it sure does seem that every thread 'feels' lighter. And doesn't it just feel good to see someone else recieve their blessing?

The Goddess is alive and there is magick afoot.
Arow Blackdragon
Valley of the Kings

Continuing to pray for you and your son. This was GREAT news to read tonight. And Arow is right, your attitude is spot on! I pray for your relationship to continue to grow and blossom through peace and love.

You are so strong and incredible, your faith, positive attitude, and love are the things that most lose first when bombarded by something that angers or hurts us. I am praying for you and also taking notes, it's a lesson for me to see how things are moving for you I pray you are continually blessed.  Things will get where you want them to be, I feel this, God has big plans for the relationship between you and your son, I can sense this, the road is rocky but don't let go, God bless and much love.

A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials.
- Chinese Proverb

Dear all,
 
Thank you so much for your support and prayers. They have been SO important.
 
I think I must be strong! People are always telling me I am. I think I am spiritually strong and that is what keeps me going. All the stress has taken it's toll on me physically, and at times I have really felt mentally 'on-the-edge' but I seem to find strength somewhere and bounce back.
 
Things are still very tentative here at home. I feel we are both walking on eggshells, but my Son is still being nice most of the time, and seems to be making a real effort not to return to his old behaviour.
 
I am having a lot of trouble believing it at the moment. I think a Mother forgives her children over and over again, and I had reached a stage where I couldn't forgive him anymore. I was too hurt.
 
I'm not being a saint in not getting into the blame thing  I'm not saying I blame him, because I played my part and take full responsibility for that. He isn't able to take responsibilty for his part though, so that is an issue which will come up in counselling. It's very common in relationship problems - my husband did it too.
 
But I can't see any point in possibly alienating him by bringing it up now. I'm just so pleased that he has made the first HUGE step. It must have taken a lot of courage.
 
I always hoped the real person was still in there somewhere, and  -  Arow!!  - I lost Faith.
 
Thank you all so much. I will keep you up to date with any developments.
 
Love J

Love is the only way

Dear Judith, I am happy to hear that you have now hope and no longer feel overwhelmed by your problems with relating to your son. These may be, at times, baby steps and there may be some tumbles but all this is part of learning to walk along a challenging path.
I'll continue to pray for you both and light candles,
Love,  Edda

Peace and joy!

Judith,
 
I am so happy to read the faith in your post. I believe that change can be made in people's hearts through God's love and sharing our love. May your son's heart continue to move and may you stand strong in your faith.
 
Star

Hi Buttington;Where you are a senior citizen you can legally have him removed(?) or call elder services they have legal advice where no one gets hurt emotionally ; I wish you the best of luck with your issue.God Bless you,Judy

Thank you all for your continued support.
Edda, as you say, it's early days and there are going to be tumbles, but he has a lovely girlfriend who thinks the world of him. She will be supportive to both of us while naturally working alongside him, as she should. But she has said she will not take any 'nonsense' from him and will not accept problems being swept under the carpet, so will encourage him to sort things out properly with me.
She is like a friend to my granddaughter and treats her the same as her own 2 daughters. I think he has found a gem here. I pray he treats her well.
 
Judy, I thank you for your advice. I think I have exhaused every avenue here in Britain regarding senior citizen abuse, and have found everyone to be very helpful and sympathetic, but nothing can be done. Amazing!!!! I was shocked to put it mildly.Thankfully, my Son has never physically attacked me. It isn't really in his nature, but we do have some big issues to sort, including the money owed to me. He has paid me half as I said, so I will work on that.
 
With Love to you all, and prayers for your own concerns.  J

Love is the only way

Dear Judith, you are welcome! I am glad to hear about your son's girlfriend who sounds like a keeper. She can't change him but can be the occasion for him to change. Hold on to hope and give it time!
Wishing you a great weekend,
Love,  Edda

Peace and joy!

I am so happy to read that your son is making an effort to change. His girlfriend sounds like a wonderful influence for your son & granddaughter.
I pray that your family will resolve their problems and be happy for your granddaughter's sake. Keep showing her your love and forgiveness so that she will know what true family love is. She loves you and she loves her father. Never make her choose sides.
 
Praying for you!!

With Hope each of us can have a life with Peace, Faith and Love.

J:
I'm so glad to hear patience in your words. I think that all of the frustration that was in your inital post of this thread was simply a lack of recognition and attention. I'm not saying that is or was the root of the problems between you and your son, but I had no idea you had such a quiet, unyeilding grasp of patience (Geez - can you bottle that and send me some???). Over the course of a little more than a month, you've taken yourself from 'frazzled' and 'wit's end' to focused and open. All you really needed was to see your son making an effort at recognizing that there is something on the table that needs to be resolved and consciously paying attention to how he treats you, and vice versa.

I understand the 'walking on eggshells' thing, too. My recommendation to resolve that is this: Create an understanding between you and your son that neither of you will address 'hot' topics outside of an established environment. Basically, those 'hot' topics that are causing friction in your relationship can just pop-up at any time, hence all the anxiety and tension that goes with the 'eggshell' walk - neither of you really know what to expect from the other. Come to an agreement with your son that the two of you can promise each other to leave 'hot' topics in the counselor's office. If you and he can come to this compromise, you'll be better equipped to enjoy each other's time at home without the anxiety of 'what's going to be the big problem today' thoughts that inevitably keep the both of you on edge.

You are working towards a goal that will take the sweet passage of time to achieve. Let your patience (look into bottling that, would ya?) remind you of this as often as you can. In the meantime, laugh as much as possible!

The Goddess is alive and there is magick afoot.
Arow Blackdragon
Valley of the Kings

Dear Arow,
 
I wonder if you realize how inspirational you are? That was such good advice and I will certainly try to remember it.
 
Habits are hard to change however, and at the moment we seem to have gone back to avoiding each other which I am trying hard to find courage to alter. Also, for the first time in 2 weeks he has locked his doors while out. This is perfectly OK in the normal sense, but it represents for me the reason he started locking them in the first place, and has made me feel a bit disappointed and alienated today.
 
He's 36, but I see myself as the adult here, and should be able to rise above this feeling. Tomorrow is another day.
 
As for the patience - well - if you knew me you would know what an issue patience is for me. Lots of things in recent years have been busy teaching me patience, not least my computer. You just can't be impatient with your P.C. It doesn't respond !
Also, as you know, I have a relationship which needs patience by the sack-load.
But a parent, especially a mother will forgive her child a million times, and, as you suggest, only needs a little chink to get the love flowing again.
 
Healing (as a healer) has made me a better listener, and you do need patience for that. People tell me how calm I am, but they have no idea how churned up I may be inside. I seem to have the ability to deal with other people's traumas while going through my own. I wish I was younger because I would love to add counselling to my healing. Next lifetime maybe.
 
I agree about the laughter! I'm watching Big Brother just now on TV as that is a hoot. Laughter just is the best medicine.
Also, when my husband left, a fellow healer told me to fill my home with flowers, and I've tried to do that ever since, even when money has been tight. Flowers are also very healing.
 
Love & Light, J

Love is the only way