How can this be??? How long before he learns?
I don't think you expected an answer,
dear Jude . . .
'It is what it is',
(an expression I hate,
but is often so very true
and to the point)
and your son may never change
unless something happens to rattle him to the core.
I fear for your peace of mind
and for Chloe . . .
I hope that today
finds your ship in calmer waters.
It is almost impossible to deal with someone
who is out of control and unreasonable
and you have done well to stay out of the fray
until clearer heads prevail,
but it seems that you have no leverage or control . . .
that there are no consequences for your son.
Oh, don't get me wrong~
there
are consequences,
but he does not see them.
That doesn't mean
that they are not there.
The consequences are emotional alienation
from both his daughter
and from you . . .
rifts in relationships
are hard to heal if
all concerned are not engaged in the process.
You must have to take on responsiblity
for your own healing,
and to a certain extent
for Chloe's . . .
you can be a role model for Chloe
and a source of unconditional love
that she does not seem to get
from her father.
I believe that a big part of our problems
of feeling unlovable,
and undeserving,
and 'less than' as adults
stem from lack of unconditional love.
Not all of us get it from our family or love relationships,
so we must get them from the universe . . .
from God,
from our Higher Power,
from our Source,
from Grace.
Dear Jude,
I feel I have gone on a bit,
but what I am trying to say I think,
is that you can find calm water
within yourself.
It is part of our life's work
to become whole.
There is nothing you can do to change your son.
Short of moving out,
you can only change you.
"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen." --Reinhold Niebuhr
I wish that I could give you a real hug just now,
but I can't,
so please know that I hold you in my heart.
I know it is painful,
and I know that you feel helpless . . .
I hate that feeling myself.
I light a candle for you
with love
and hope that its little flame
might at least let you know
that you are not alone, dear Jude,
not alone at all,
but surrounded and held up by something greater than all of this . . .
sparrow