My Son

Hello everyone. I would like to share with you the heartache which is troubling me regarding my relationship with my adult Son. We live together with his 9 year old daughter in what used to be my house. Since my Son bought my ex husband's share of the house our relationship has become very stormy and my Son can be very cruel. He uses blackmail to gain power over me, and is witholding his share of household expenses at the moment, which is causing me great hardship as a senior citizen. 
I light a candle every night in the hope that he will open his heart and stop being so cruel. There is no pain quite like that of your own child turning against you.
Do any of you have any advice for me?

Love is the only way

I am sorry Buttington that you are in this terrible situation.  Would it be possible to sit down with your son and have a good heart to heart chat.?

yorkiemary - North of England

Love becomes a light, which shines from behind the eyes.

Welcome to the forum, Judith! I am sorry to read about your difficulty with your son. I agree with Mary that a good talk might help. If this is not possible, perhaps someone you both trust could mediate. There may be others reading your story who have more experience in such a situation, who will offer their suggestions. I the meantime, be assured of my prayers for you.
Wishing you everything good,
Edda

Peace and joy!

You mention that your son bought your ex-husband's share of the house. Did you perhaps have a contentious relationship with your ex-husband, something your son witnessed and might have made him bitter? You really don't need to answer this question, but only ask yourself.
 
You might need to get some counseling, or if you are a victim of cruelty and possibly abuse, you might have to contact Adult Protective Services or the proper authority in your locale. And how about your granddaughter? She could also be adversely affected by the situation at home.
 
I'll light a candle for you in the group Jesus. Please let us know the name of your candle group, should you start one, and I for one will be glad to offer you my support.
 
God bless you and your family,
Emil

Thank you Yorkiemary, your signature really spoke to me! I really do believe this to be true, but when you are upset you tend (or I do) to forget everything you know!!
A book about Blessing really helped me to calm down, so now I try to bless my Son when I feel the emotions come up, instead of getting angry etc. The image of the Light of Love shining through our eyes, no matter how hurt we are, is lovely, and like the blessing it works. thank you for reminding me.
Love and Light.

Love is the only way

Wishing you everything good too Hildegard. Thank you.

Love is the only way

Thank you Emil. You are spot on about the bitterness. Children, even as adults, often don't want to see the truth about their parents. Although I wasn't to blame for the divorce my exhusband has persuaded our Son that I was!!! Common story I'm sure, but hurtful for me. I have let it go, but my Son hasn't.
 
Thank you for your support. I live in hope that we will be able to talk again.

Love is the only way

God bless you, Buttington, and may He lighten your load.
Through Jesus Christ I pray and will continue to pray for you and others in your situation.
 
Best regards,
Emil

Thank you Emil. My group is named Scott. I am also lighting candles for you.
 
With Love,

Love is the only way

Dear Judith, thank you for naming your candle group. I'll be glad to light candles for you and your son there.
Wishing you everything good,
Edda

Peace and joy!

Dearest Judith,
My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry that your son has caused you such despair and sadness. I will join with you and others in prayer and light a candle for you and your son. I will pray for our Lord to help you, and for the Lord to remind your son of a Mothers love and respect.
Don't give up Judith and take care of yourself.
Sending you much Love,
Bluemoon

ORIGINAL: buttington

Thank you Yorkiemary, your signature really spoke to me! I really do believe this to be true, but when you are upset you tend (or I do) to forget everything you know!!
A book about Blessing really helped me to calm down, so now I try to bless my Son when I feel the emotions come up, instead of getting angry etc. The image of the Light of Love shining through our eyes, no matter how hurt we are, is lovely, and like the blessing it works. thank you for reminding me.
Love and Light.

 
I am so glad that my signature brought you some comfort, buttington, I am a firm believer that love never dies, be it husband/wife/mother/father/son/daughter/brother and sister.
We become frustrated and angry at times with our loved ones, to me these are natural emotions, but love never goes.
Just my simple thoughts.
May God Bless You,
 
Mary
x

yorkiemary - North of England

Love becomes a light, which shines from behind the eyes.

Dear Bluemoon, thank you for your kindness and prayers. I pray also for your needs. J

Love is the only way

Hello everyone,
 
Just wanted to inform you all of an answer to prayer. (thank you for your input)
I have received half of the money which my Son owes me.
 
I'm trying not to think "It's only half though." and trying to think "I have half of it - how wonderful!"
 
It's a partial weight off my shoulders. J

Love is the only way

Dearest Judith, what wonderful news. "the glass is half full Not half empty" comes to mind. This news comes on Sunday AM here and what better way to start the Lords Day. I am so happy for you. The power of prayer......I will roll up the sleeves and get going on more prayer for you. Thank-you for starting my day with this good news.
God continue to bless you Judith. And may your son realize the gift from god, a wonderful Mother.
Love,
Blue

Dear Judith: How nice to hear matters are progressing in a satisfactory manner. I hope and pray that soon all of this will be behind you and you may be able to rebuild the mother-son relationship I'm sure you both crave.
 
All my best,
Emil

Judith;

At the risk of sounding trite; "Nothing has power except what you give it"

I believe that has something to do with clear headedness.  When emotionally involved we tend to forget to look at the big picture..  Especially now that you have received at least half the expenses, step back and look at your situation from a different angle.  Using the phrase "my son" implies ownership.  When we are truly honest with ourselves we realize we never own any of our children.  Parenthood is only stewardship.  He is another human being and should be respecting you the way you taught him to respect others.  Put away all the associated guilt and deal with him on a level playing field.  Remember that tough love you used when he was younger.

gassho, rj

"We must be the change we want to see in this world."

Please light a Candle in the "zendo"

Yes, I agree with what you say. However, he is my Son, in that he was conceived and born of me, and not by anyone else !!
 
I know I don't own anyone - a lesson learned many years ago and hopefully put into practice now. I don't want to own him, but we do share a house, together with child and animal minding duties, also with household upkeep and expenses.
 
Let me explain. I refused to do something which he wanted me to do. Without going into details, it would have compromised me legally had I done it. Together with other perceived grudges, whether real or imagined, he is using unkindness and blackmail-type behaviour to put pressure on me. I am a person who will stand firm when attacked, and a bully finds that very irritating.
 
I love my Son, and dislike intensely his unpleasant behaviour, but I have always found 'tough love' difficult, so am inclined to 'sit' on my feelings until they spill over. (not good!)
 
This is a very big life-lesson for me, begun by my Father who was also a bully, as was my ex-husband. (patterns repeating themselves) My Son has many redeeming qualities which are not much in evidence at the moment, at least not to me, but they will, I hope win through. I am gaining strength and standing up to him without losing control more and more. I expect this is past-life stuff.
 
Thank you for your input. We are all here to make us look anew!
 
Best wishes, J

Love is the only way

Dear Emil,
Thank you for your kind thoughts. If you read my reply to 'zenmember' you will see that I do feel stronger. Zen talks about giving things power, and I believe that, if you concentrate on the 'bad' you will get more of it. I have been lighting candles and Blessing my son whenever angry and hurt feelings arise, and it seems to be working. (I don't imagine he is going to turn into a Saint just yet  but I can see how my attitude changes his)
 
He is currently away for the week, and has left me to look after my Granddaughter and his dog without much consultation or concern that I am unwell at present. However, when asked, he did bury my cat, unblock the drain (blocked for 7 months to annoy me) and paid me half of his debt, so I can see the results of prayer and Blessing in action. I just have to stay strong and do more of the same.
 
Being part of this loving (website) environment has been a life-saver to me. Aso interesting and rewarding to share experiences with others.
Love J

Love is the only way

I'm here for ya, J! Keep your stillness when the negative begins to 'try' to direct. It seems that's becoming the default action for you, anyway, but it's always good to hear it.
You seem much more grounded since the beginning of this thread (over two weeks ago!), which is all any of us want to see when 'one of our own' asks for support. You've built a really good start, here. I know you can finish great! Time will give you that faith!

The Goddess is alive and there is magick afoot.
Arow Blackdragon
Valley of the Kings