please could you light a candle for me

i hope its ok to ask this, but please could you light a candle for me please.  i have another police video interview very shortly and i am scared to sleep.  the bad stuff that happened in the past is hounding me throuygh flashbacks. 
 
and i cant get over this grief over my kids.  just now i could quite happily stay awake on an allnighter.  the staff are around where i am right now but some of the stuff is still so pedrsonal snd i am still working on trying to get to know them s they are new people and i need to work on learning to trust them.
 
im feeling very small and terrified.  thanks for listening
 
e

A candle will be lit for you.  I am sure the staff at the hospital where you are is very capable of dealing with your fears.  It might be good to talk to them about it.

Yesterday is gone forever.Tomorrow may not come. Live Fully each moment today. Look for Good Things that Happen to you Every Day.

Dear Dolphin,
 
I know exactly what you mean by "feeling small and terrified". ♥
 
I will light a candle for you.
 
Your pain touches me very much.
 
*HUG*
 
 

thanks imenuff,  i have been trying to talk to the staff but i havent manby very good words to really say what i want to.  and i cant always woirk ouyt the names of the feel;ings i feel because they have been something bad in the past. thinking about your thought  about talking to them i think that i will maybe try and write some stuff down for them and then talk to them after?
 
 

Writing things down sounds like an excellent idea.  The more honest you can be with the hospital staff about what goes on in
your mind, the more they are able to help you.
Blessings,

Yesterday is gone forever.Tomorrow may not come. Live Fully each moment today. Look for Good Things that Happen to you Every Day.

Dear Eleanor,
I will light a candle for you tonight and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
 
I do understand how hard it is for you to trust.
 
With Love and Hugs,
Jude

Love is the only way

Dear Eleanor,
 
I, too, will light a candle for you and keep you in my prayers!
 
Much love and warm hugs,
Edda

Peace and joy!

hi everyone.  i have been blessed by your respnses.  please could you pray that i will get to through talking more to the staff so they understand me better.
 
and on an important point i just wanted to say thankyou for being there for me,  it means alot.
 
eleanor 

Dear Eleanor,
I will light a candle for you now, for things to improve for you, and for you to feel better.
 
with Love,
Jude

Love is the only way

Dear Eleanor . . .
Somehow I missed your post yesterday . . .
I hope that you are feeling better
and more grounded today.
I understand your reluctance to talk to staff where you are,
as your wounds are still fresh and raw.
If you cannot feel free to talk just yet,
as others have said,
writing your feelings out
can be a very good way to start.
A candle is lit for you
for courage
with love . . .
sparrow

everything counts... ♥

hi Eleanor
I will light a candle too and send you prayers of strength , healing and support.
Namaste
Glenys

I think writing is an excellent idea, it will help you put things in words, see links, etc.
 
Prayers for you continue, dear.
 
"The Lord is my shepherd..."
 
Know that you are loved and cared for.

Thankyou for your support, prayers and candles. they mean alot.
 
iv had a bit of a bad night so while i have been trying to write stuff down.  some of it i dont think i can share with some of the stqff because ive heard them  taking the mick out ofprayer and stuff.  
 
at the minute i feel like im running on empty.  it doesnt mean that i m going give up and stop fighting.  because im not going to.  but sometiems i get so upset because i cant ecpress myself t God how i feel.  i need Him to help me because i feel overwhelmed right now.

Dear Eleanor,
I often feel like you are describing. At such times I usually light a candle and just sit with it. Sometimes, if you do that the right words come, and if they don't it doesn't matter because God knows what is in your heart anyway.
 
If you can't light candles where you are, you could imagine that you are lighting one. Close your eyes and pretend you can see a candle. Take a deep breath to calm you and just sit quietly. You may even get a message in the quiet.
Or imagine you are putting a protective circle of light around you. Invite the angels to sit with you. Just ask for help.
 
No-one will "take the mick" of you on this Forum, that I'm sure of.
 
Blessings and Love to you,
Jude

Love is the only way

Dear Eleanor,
 
Don't worry about finding words to speak to God! Just sit and open your heart to him in silence. God knows what's in it and is eager to help before you even ask!
 
I will light a candle for you, keeping you in my prayes!
 
Warm hugs,
Edda

Peace and joy!

Thanks Edda and Jude.  much love and hugs right back to you too.
 
i dont know whether i have told you this or not, but wsometimes people dont know what to think when i tell them this.  i have a condition called Discociative Identity Disorder (which used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder).  the way my psychologist and psychiatrist describe it is that when achild goes through extreme trauma and think they are going to die, part of whole persaonality splits off from the whole and forms an 'alter' stuck at the age their abuse happened.  and there are different alters of different names.
 
i hope i havent freeaked out anyone, but you must wonder why i have told all this???  well it is because my alters are freaking about the abuse we had too and i would like you to pray for us.  we are manyh parts or alters but i am desperate to work on integrating them into the whole if you like. 
 
we seem to be freaked out so much right now when all i want for all of me (my alters too)  is some of God's shalom peace. 
 
i hope i havent freaked anyone.  it is not my intention.  i am sincerely sorry if i have.
 
e
 

Dancing Dolphin,
 
I know what you are describing. I read a lot about it. I read the books Sybil (she had 16 personalities) and The Three Faces of Eve.
 
To me, it means you suffered a lot and this is the way you found to survive. Here you will find no judgment, no one will put you down. We are here to pray, love, share compassion and listen and not pass judgment. I thank you for the trust you put in this group for revealing this, which probably is not easy to say or well received usually (I bet this is why you are so hesitant to talk).
 
Please do not think I am comparing, but it may be useful for you to know that I was abused when I was young and, for a long time, my mind would go blank and I would "block" and forget everything in certain situations my mind interpreted as being dangerous for me. So to speak, I was at the low end of the condition you describe and you are higher up.
 
HUGS

Dear Eleanor,
I don't think anyone is going to be freaked-out on here......far from it in fact. There is one member of the Forum who knows a lot more than I do about your condition.
Please feel free to talk to us about it and how you are feeling.
 
Blessings,
Jude

Love is the only way

Dear Eleanor,
 
I would like to second what Line and Jude have already said. Thank you for your honesty! You are not freaking us out!
 
I have lit a candle for you earlier and am keeping you in my prayers!
 
Much love,
Edda

Peace and joy!

Thanks Jude, Line and Edda.
 
It feels such a relief to be able to talk aboutr my alters out of my psychology sessions, and be totally accepted by you all.  you are a blessing to me - everyone here that is.
 
i got up at five am because i was having a vbad night and and discovered one of my older alters had  left a note for me to read telling me about how upset one of my six years olds was and that she couldnt stop crying.  i spoke out loud telling her she is a good girl and that i love her.  i just wish i could hear my alters better.  gradually i am hearing the odd little words but most of the time i just lose time as i have always done. 

Dear Eleanor . . .
I pray that today finds you better,
and hope that the involvement with the police
can soon end,
and you can begin
to devote more time to your healing . . .
a candle is lit for you
and prayers said
that you might connect
to all of the various parts of you
and become whole again
with love . . .
sparrow

everything counts... ♥

[size=3 font="times new roman"]hi Sparrow.
[size=3 font="times new roman"] 
[size=3 font="times new roman"]thankyou for lighring candles for me and your prayers.  my next video interview with the police is on the 3rd september at 11.30am.  and already i am getting getting scared about having to.  one of my friends makes me laugh because she says that if i worry-flap much more then i will need a tonne weight to stop me flying away!!!  :D 
[size=3 font="times new roman"] 
[size=3 font="times new roman"]once the interview is over then there is two things i brought up and although i am terriefied i will do them becuase if anyone if is going through the nightmare we went through then i would never forgive myslef  knowing that i could have stopped that happened.
 
i am going to show he police where certain things are and were when the abuse happening and having a very thorough examination to get as much extra evidence to make sure no one gets hurt by them again.

Dear Dolphin,
 
I find you very courageous. I will keep on praying for you.
 
HUGS

I find you very courageous. I will keep on praying for you. HUGS

 
And from me too...
 
with Love,
Jude

Love is the only way

Dear Eleanor,
 
I, too, will keep you in my prayers, and I'll light a candle for you!
 
Much love,
Edda

Peace and joy!

I find you very courageous. I will keep on praying for you. HUGS

 
And from me too... 
 

me too . . .
with love . . .
sparrow
     ♥

everything counts... ♥

thanks everyone.
 
i went out with the staff with me and i really freaked.  everywhere i  turned there would be someone looked like one of our abusers.  i got really paranoid and wanted to hide.  eachv day i get closer to bthen next video interview for te police the i feel like i sm going completely crazy.  my psychologist always that because we think that way it doesnt mean that what we think about it..
 
and all i wanted was the mother abuser amd the rest of the family of abusers to be ok and really love me and give ud a hugt when we needed it.  im struggling and i feel sad and alone.

Dear Eleanor,
 
My heart goes out to you. I will light a candle for you and pray you will start to heal.
Be patient. Waiting for the interviews is bound to upset you.
 
With Love,
Jude

Love is the only way

Dear Eleanor,
 
I, too, will light a candle for you and pray for your healing!
 
Much love,
Edda

Peace and joy!

Dear Eleanor . . .
I share with you some words
that I use when I am in crisis,
and these are the words . . .
"Peace, be still..."
they calm me
in a way
that nothing else can
with love . . .
sparrow

everything counts... ♥

im having a hard time with switching between me and my alters and im losing quite a bit of time at the minute.  i liked sparrow the words you said about peace be still.  i so want my alters to have peace too; they have been through so much themselves.  today i had an email fromb storm as we all have different email addresses - she is sixteen and looks after our kids inside.  well she was emailling me about her miscarriage she had during a scary abusive time.  and i felt so sad because she had been through so much and i had tov remind ,yself that i was part our systemand it happened to us including me too.i was trying to staynumb and objective but all i seem to be doing is crying about the same.  i named my baby sam for samantha or samuel.
 

Eleanor, prayers of strength and love to you. Amen
Glenys

Thanks Glenys.  i appreciate everyones prayer and your included.  i feel run down and shattered.  please can you pray that my sleeping tablets work tonight and i get a good nights sleep?
 
praying too that you feel God's presence just now -  everyone.
 

Bless you Eleanor, I pray you do get a good night's sleep tonight and many more after it.
 
Love,
Jude

Love is the only way

Thyanks Jude.
 
i pray the same for you...that you may have restful sleep as well as everyonr who comes here.

Prayers for peaceful sleep for you Eleanor.
Namste
Glenys