Dear Kelly, I don't know what "bakeracted" is, but grief counsellors are specially trained and will help you.
 
Jude

Love is the only way

buttington


Dear Kelly, I don't know what "bakeracted" is, but grief counsellors are specially trained and will help you.
 
Jude

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baker_Act
The Florida Mental Health Act of 1971 is commonly known as the "Baker Act" in Florida. It was originally enacted, at least in part, because of widespread instances of elder abuse, in which one or more family members would have another family member committed in order to gain control over their estate prior to their death. Once committed, it was difficult for many of the patients to obtain representation, and they became warehoused until their death.
The Baker Act allows for involuntary examination (what some call emergency or involuntary committment). It can be initiated by judges, law enforcement officials, physicians or mental health professionals.

Dear Kelly,
 
From what you say it doesn't sound as if this Baker Act applies to you.
Don't let yourself be scared away from seeking the help you need!
 
Much love,
Edda

Peace and joy!

I've been seeing this one counselor at Circles of Care for a while; that's the only time I can verbally talk to anyone about how I feel. The sessions aren't frequent, though.
When I'm not seeing her, I'm having to repress my grief because I can't talk it out with my 'grandmother' (as far as I'm concerned, I've disowned her) and mother. They see me lose it and start crying; they ask stupid questions "what's wrong"  and if I tell the truth, they'll go back into bash mode again. Because of this, I'm having to put on a front; to try to mask the pain when I'm around them.
 
The last time I was in front of both of them and lost it was on my birthday in 2009. They asked me what was wrong, I was stupid and told them the truth, and all I heard (all I've ever heard when I tell the truth about this in front of them) was more bashing. "straighten up," "get over it," ect. Their usual garbage.  We were in 'grandma's' car at the time this happened. I was ready to bail out in the middle of a major street in heavy traffic just to get away from them so I wouldn't have to hear it anymore; I had my hand on the door handle and the door lock. 
 
And they wonder why I spend almost all of my time locked in my bedroom away from them.

I don't know your circumstances . . .
Is there a way,
dear Kelly,
for you to get out on your own?
Your own apartment,
your own space,
your own friends,
your own job,
your own life?
So that you would be able to get some distance?
 
Is it possible to see someone at the Circles of Care more often?
Locking yourself in your bedroom,
I don't think,
is how Will would want you to live your life . . .
perhaps you need some breathing room
just now.
 
You honour his memory most
by healing and growing strong
with love . . .
sparrow

everything counts... ♥

I was born extremely premature before part of my brain had a chance to develop pathways; because of it I've got a seizure condition.
I had to go through a hard, long, physical therapy regimen when I was a little girl; my parents had me on the one listed in the link below: 
 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Institutes_for_the_Achievement_of_Human_Potential
 
I went through the whole thing.
 
I'm on medicine for the seizures, but I have trouble telling time and remembering when to take it. My so-called 'family'  (grandmother and mother) has me on a schedule my neurologist set up for the meds; my grandmother helps me remember the times.
 
Because of this, I was homeschooled for the first years of my life. I was reading and comprehending stuff like Tolkien easily when I was younger than two. Forget baby books, give me Lord Of The Rings. :)
 
Later, we tried elementary school, but all that did was have other kids pick on me because I was "different" from them. I went back to homeschooling again, until I was put in junior high. The only math I know is basic math. Subtraction, addition, simple multiplication, simple division.  In junior high, or at least, in the junior high schools I went through, you had to know long division and algebra; and the only thing I know that's remotely close to algebra is the Einstein theorem. My reaction when someone put a pre-algebra book in front of me was: (insert blank stare)
I tried looking over the book to see if there was something little I might recognize, but there wasn't. my reading and comprehending algebra is like putting a prehistoric caveman in the cockpit of an airliner. The rest of the kids in my junior high classes picked on me over that, too.
I asked the teacher politely if I could do simple math instead; she got rude and said "you have to do the assignment". I got up, told her where she could stick that book and walked out of the classroom.  I'm glad I'm not in junior high anymore.
 
I never had any friends in junior high or elementary school.
 
In elementary school (before I met Will)  I was picked on in the first class I had.
When I got switched to my next teacher, I was thinking, "It's better to shut up and not draw attention to yourself from now on. That'll stop them from picking on you".  I'd give people smiles, of course, to say hi, but that was it.
 
After that incident, while the other kids in elementary school were making friends and all that, I was sitting alone in the far corner with my head down over a book. At least books don't call you names, steal your glasses and hide them from you, and pick on you. 
 
I wish I could see a therapist more often. 
  
 

I'm not saying I didn't want to make friends back then; but if you reach out to someone and just get ridiculed and rejected, pretty soon you start thinking "why am I even trying anymore; I'll just get rejected anyway; it's not worth the effort".
 
 
Will didn't reject me (until he took his life and killed me, too) .   
 
He understood what I was going through. Will didn't see the seizures or health issues where everyone except my family did; he saw a young woman who he thought could use a friend. He saw me.

Will didn't see the seizures or health issues

 
Dear Kelly,
If Will could see you through your health issues, other people will too. You just have to believe in yourself.
 
With Love,
Jude

Love is the only way

buttington
 
 
Dear Kelly,
If Will could see you through your health issues, other people will too.

I don't know who any of those people are. I wish I did.
 
I wound up having a seizure in church one Sunday during our main meeting. ("main" meeting is how I privately refer to the opening meeting and Sacrament services in the chapel)
Mom took me home and kept me out for a while. I understood that. But later, when I started wanting to go back weekly, JUST for that one meeting and then come back, she started turning it down.
It turns out a bunch of people in the church (I'm not sure who, she didn't name names) don't want us coming back unless she and I sit in another room or out in the hall so the services won't be disturbed again if I have another seizure.

It is very sad,
especially in this day and age
when we know so much more about seizures
and various challenges that so many people face,
that there is still rampant ignorance in some communities.
I am sorry,
dear Kelly,
that you seem to live in such a place.
It only serves to isolate you more.
As for meeting other people . . .
as Jude has said,
there are people out there
who can see beyond disability and challenge
if you just look,
and be open . . .
risking rejection
(which I know is hard once you have felt its sting),
but it is part of what will make you strong.

Will didn't reject me (until he took his life and killed me, too) .

Will didn't reject you ~
he rejected life.
 
You say that you like to bury your head in a book . . .
just because you lack math skills,
doesn't mean that you cannot learn.
I am terrible with math,
but I have always loved to read.
And there is much that can be learned through reading.
Reading can take you away,
and bring you back to yourself . . .
and libraries are free.
Are you able to get out at all on your own?
 
I pray that something open up for you,
dear Kelly.
This, I believe to be true . . .
"When the student is ready,
the teacher will come."
I hold you in my prayers
with much love . . .
sparrow
 
 
 
 
 

everything counts... ♥

Dear Kelly,
 
I agree with Sparrow, Will did NOT reject you but life!
 
Have you or your mother talked to the pastor/minister at your church? People who want to exclude you are not very welcoming, probably more out of ignorance than ill will. Perhaps your preacher can talk about welcoming and accomodating people with handicaps, visible or not!
I can understand your mother's reluctance to go where she doesn't feel welcome.
 
Have you asked your counselor if you could come more often? You said you looked up addresses etc. Why not pursue these leads. You deserve all the help you can get.
 
Dont's worry about mathematics! A lot of people are "mathematics challenged". Calculators are a great help!
 
I keep a candle lit for you and hold you in my prayers,
 
Much love,
Edda

Peace and joy!

Hildegard
  1: Have you or your mother talked to the pastor/minister at your church? People who want to exclude you are not very welcoming, probably more out of ignorance than ill will. Perhaps your preacher can talk about welcoming and accomodating people with handicaps, visible or not! I can understand your mother's reluctance to go where she doesn't feel welcome. 

1: We've talked to our "visiting teachers;"as we call them;  a few friends from our church come over sometimes and we talk to them, share scripture readings, ect. Our visiting teachers aren't unwelcoming.
We only talk to them about stuff Madeline (grandma) and Pat (mom) think are important, though. I can't mention my friend. Last time I tried to explain about Will and what I was going through, Pat (who was standing in the other room) looked around the door and made a motion for me to shut up about it; I switched topics so she wouldn't get angry at me and asked how they'd been doing.
Pat's and Madeline's viewpoint seems to be, "if we ignore this, it'll go away and we won't have to hear about it anymore."
 

Hildegard
 2: Have you asked your counselor if you could come more often? You said you looked up addresses etc. Why not pursue these leads. You deserve all the help you can get.

2: Sometimes I want to say something; I have it ready; I open my mouth and then my brain just goes blank on me. I can't use the phone because of this. Last time I was on the phone and my brain went blank, it wasn't someone I didn't know, it was my father. I wound up turning the phone off and passing it back to Madeline because I didn't know what to say. 
Once I wrote down phone numbers and was ready to try and make calls, but Madeline told me, "if you call them, you'll end up being baker acted." I wanted to throw the phone book at her head. Instead, I threw the book and the phone across the living room and locked myself back in the bedroom.
 
Next time I have an appointment with my therapist, I'll try and remember to ask her.

Last time I tried to explain about Will and what I was going through, Pat (who was standing in the other room) looked around the door and made a motion for me to shut up about it;

 
Dear Kelly,
 
this is why you need to do this on your own as much as possible. You may need help to get you to places, but see the counsellors on your own.
 
Jude

Love is the only way

buttington

Last time I tried to explain about Will and what I was going through, Pat (who was standing in the other room) looked around the door and made a motion for me to shut up about it;

 
Dear Kelly,
 
this is why you need to do this on your own as much as possible. You may need help to get you to places, but see the counsellors on your own.
 
Jude

Pat's been driving me to Circles of Care and waiting in the waiting room while I go in to see the therapist. That's the extent of the "help" I'm getting from my 'family.'

Dear Kelly,
 
You so desperatly need 'the right help' to see you through this difficult stage in greif.
 
Kelly I find writting down my feelings ,even turning them into a short poem helps me no end.I ,like you lost
someone very close to me and I was unable to talk about my loss to some of my family members.
 
 
I had a blessing where just myself and a lovely nun did a service in a place that is most precious to me.This allowed me some 'freedom' from the pain I was suffering and it was also a  way for me to pay my last respects and to say goodbye 'for a while' Maybe you could do something like this.  

 
 
You are facing so many challenges but your not alone,even though right now it feels like you are.  
 

My nephew has epilepsy and there are many challenges ahead . Through some people not really 'understanding' it
felt a hard battle for my sister as she too felt 'alone'.
 
Kelly I will pray you get the right help with your epilepsy and that you can gain release from  some of  your heavy  grief.

Take care Kelly,Sandra
 

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

sandra67

Kelly I find writting down my feelings ,even turning them into a short poem helps me no end.I ,like you lost someone very close to me and I was unable to talk about my loss to some of my family members. 

I worked out a poem last year to try and express how I felt about what happened to Will; it's not short, it's slightly over seventy lines long- I posted a copy of it as the fourth entry in this thread.

Dear Kelly,
 
I am happy to see a post from you! I had been thinking about you!
 
Yes, you wrote a heartfelt poem, but you can keep on writing, even if it is just for yourself. You might write a letter to Will telling him just how you feel. No one needs to see it but he will know!
 
I am keeping a candle lit for you and hold you in my prayers!
 
Much love,
Edda 

Peace and joy!

Hildegard


Dear Kelly,
 
I am happy to see a post from you! I had been thinking about you!
 
Yes, you wrote a heartfelt poem, but you can keep on writing, even if it is just for yourself. You might write a letter to Will telling him just how you feel. No one needs to see it but he will know! 

 
I wrote a letter like that too, but I can't post it here because of the profanity I put in it. I was. . . (I don't know how to finish this sentence because I think 'angry' and 'furious' are FAR too mild terms to use here.) I still feel like that toward him about what he did.

Sorry Kelly I do remember the heartfelt poem you wrote .Edda is right keep on writing as I believe  it's one way to help you heal some  of your raw grief.
 
Take care of yourself
 

 
 

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

Keep writing,
dear Kelly.
The feelings don't end,
but will evolve over time,
and so will what you write
as you move toward healing.
I am sorry that you are still so angry,
but you are where you are,
and if you are able to write it out
you may be able to move on.
I did this,
and have a whole row of journals in my bookshelf,
writing and writing and writing
through a particularly bad time in my life.
I think that for part of that time
I was filling up one journal a week.
It's ok.
Dear, dear Kelly,
you remain very much in my prayers
with love . . .
sparrow

everything counts... ♥