upset

i am getting really upset about the investigstion.  as we get deeper and deeper into stuff hst hsppened the more im getting upset.  and it is making me feel very alone because i cant get the words out to people... who only assume they knoe whst im sasying before i say it anyway. 
 
im had to have a physical exmination to collect more evidence.  we got through it but the thing was that it was triggering a memory and since i had it i keep feeling pain like the pain in the past.
 
i know they want as much detail as possible but they dont always realise that every dzay it draws out longer and longer and is making me feel really vulnerable.

Dearesr Eleanor,
 
Regarding your problem talking to people because of the stress.
I have found that, at such times, if I breath deeply and ask (God, the angels, Great Spirit..or whoever you feel close to) for the right words and the ability to say them, the right words will come.....trust it.
Practise this at other times when you aren't so stressed. Perhaps when you want the rught words for your friend Joy. It takes practise, but it does work. If we ask with good intention, then the right words will come.
Trust that you are going to say the right words.
 
I've just thought of something which might help. Play a game with yourself where you think of a word and then, without any thought about it, say what ever word comes next into your mind.
I did this a lot with a very special counsellor. We would be talking away and she would suddenly stop me and ask me to close my eyes and, without too much thought, to see, feel, hear what came into my head from what we had been talking about.
For instance, on one occasion we were talking about how sad I was feeling, and that I couldn't stop crying. She asked me to close my eyes and describe what my sadness felt like....looked like. Did a picture appear?
Without analysing it, a picture of heavy rain like stair-rods came into my mind. I told her this and she then asked me if I could change the picture to something less 'heavy' that could transform the torrent into something beautiful. Immediately I saw a very beautiful picture in my mind of a photograph taken by the person who was giving me the 'painful, constant heavy rain.' It was of a famous Welsh waterfall...so beautiful. The counsellor asked me to keep this picture in mind, so I went home and printed off a copy and put it where I could see it. It did help. It changed my perception.
 
These sorts of little exercises, if practised often, retrain our reactions to stress. Most of my life was spent being 'tongue-tied' and now I'm much better!
 
Keep asking!
 
Many Blessings,
Jude

Love is the only way

Dear Eleanor,
 
My heart goes out to you! Jude has given you several excellent pointers.
It might also help to write down what you would want to say and, if necessary, read it or hand it to those with whom you need to talk about how you feel. It may help to start the conversation.
 
A candle is burning for you! I keep you in my prayers!
 
Much love,
Edda

Peace and joy!

i will give those exercises a go because they sound helpful.  dearest Jude, thankyou for telling them to me.
 
one of the reasons about asking God for the words for me to say is this - a few years back i went to a very dodgy church that ended being that they were named a cult.  i had bbeen searching for God big time after i ran away from my abusers.  so when the dodgy church came along they told me i was only allowed to pray for other people and never for myself, because i didnt not deserve to becaue i was a sinner, and praying fo5r yourself in itself being selfish.  so i get freaked out alot sometimes because im scared he would reject me.
 
and the abusers said God would never want me because i was bound to the abusers in their ritual stuff.  so i have to be very honest and say i am very confused about quite a few things to do with God.  i know that Jesus on the cross gave himself for me and i am thankful for that.  but i have so many questions but cant seem to get them out, there are so many.
 
dancing dolphin.

thankyou Edda.  i will see about writing stuff down at the minute.  the only issue is the fact that io have to leave a list i wrote out for the police in the room with the video recording equipment and had to speak it out for them i guess so noone could forge who had seen the list???
 
there seems to be a bit of confusion for the police about my alters.  what i meant was that they got a bit confused with the last video, because before one of my alters pain a visit i was aparently wouldnt speak to them.  so they had to have me explain it once i was back to 'myself' on the video.

and praying fo5r yourself in itself being selfish. so i get freaked out alot sometimes because im scared he would reject me.

 
Dear Eleanor, you are not alone in having lots of confusion over God.
I do too, but I do believe there is a power greater than us. Jesus is very real for me, not because he died for me (?) but because he was a great and loving teacher, and continues to work through people today. His messages are messages of hope and love, with simple guidelines on how to live in peace with our fellows.
 
No true church or real spiritual person would teach that God would reject us....for any reason. You were just unlucky in your choice of church.
 
Nowadays, because I have difficulty understanding what God is and if He is, I mostly speak of "Light and Love" or the Angels. 'Great Spirit' is OK for me as that could be the Divine Creative spirit of which we are all a part, and which I believe we all come from and will all go back to.
It really doesn't matter. There are many roads to God.
 
Personally, I believe I have a 'higher self' who is all knowing, and that is where I believe I get my "right words" from. Our Higher Self could also be connected to that Divine creative spirit.
 
With Love,
Jude

Love is the only way

Dear Eleanor . . .
I know that this process with the police
is very hard for you,
and pray that it will be over soon.
Jude has some very excellent suggestions
about talking to others.
Like Edda as well,
I have found writing to be very helpful for me . . .
you see,
we all get tonguetied sometimes.
 
A candle is lit for you here,
and I pray for strength for you
as you move forward.
I hope that you can see now,
that it is not wrong to pray for your own wellbeing.
You are a child of 'God' or 'Source' or 'Great Spirit' . . .
whatever you resonate with . . .
God is there for you
with much love . . .
sparrow
 

everything counts... ♥

A picture from Google of the Welsh waterfall I mentioned. Ystradfellte
 
 
 
 

Love is the only way

thanks for posting that photo Jude.  it is beautiful and made me think.
 
the team of people who are looking after me are beginning to get annoyed that the investgationis taking so long.  I know that they need the evidence but i am getting to the stage where i might explode and go into little pieces through all the memories and stuff.  i have been praying to God and all i end up do is crrying to Him.  i wish He would sit me on His knee and give myself and my alters a big hug. 

Dear Eleanor,
When you pray, imagine that you are sitting on God's lap. Feel Him take you onto his lap and feel the safety and security of his arms around you. It doesn't matter if you cry. Think of the beautiful waterfall.
 
with Love,
Jude

Love is the only way

that is a lovely image Jude - thank you for sharing it with me here.  i am working on imagining it only sometimes when im really upset and whatever i cant get calm enough to concentrate on the images.  we are now in the place i am staying in until the middle of january because we are classed at risk from our own self harm but apart from that we are not safe and vulnerale to do with police stuff.
 
i am weary and tired on this journey to justice for my babies.  i just keep ask God for the strength to see this through and glorify Him by getting it to court and getting the justice my babies deserve.
 
dancing dolphin

that is a lovely image Jude - thank you for sharing it with me here. i am working on imagining it only sometimes when im really upset and whatever i cant get calm enough to concentrate on the images.

 
Dear Eleanor,
even if it's only a matter of seconds it will help.....keep practicing.
 
You are in my thoughts and prayers dear.
 
Love,
Jude

Love is the only way

Eleanor, prayers of healing, support and peace for you.
Namaste
Glenys

i am still workng on the image stuff but i can start to see a little bit of progress now praise God.  a while a go my psychologist gave me a cd to,do with brain waves and relaxation and stuff and when i first was given i was a little dubious about it but i have used it alot recently mand i do feel a li9ttle calmer sometimes to.
 
please could you continue to pray for us please?  we were ritually abused for years and there  are some scary dates in that calander coming up and i am pretty terrified about them as i also get more memories surfacing at these times.
 
thanks for hearing me.  love
 
dancing dolphin

Dear Eleanor,
I'm glad the Cd is helping you a little. These things take time and it's the repeated use of things like the Cd and visualization that help the most.
 
I will certainly light a candle for you and keep you in my heart and prayers,
 
Love and Hugs,
Jude

Love is the only way

Dear Eleanor . . .
I am happy to hear
that the CD is helping.
Keep listening to it
with a ready heart.
 
I cannot make the pain go away,
but continue to pray for healing for you
every day
with love . . .
sparrow

everything counts... ♥

Dear Eleanor,
 
I, too, am glad the CD is helping you!
 
Be assured of my prayers for you! I'll light a candle for you as well!
 
Much love,
Edda

Peace and joy!

Eleanor, prayers of strength, support and peace for you.
Namaste
Glenys x
 
 

Sending prayers of peace and love, may light shine and illuminate your way. Stay strong and filled with peace. x

Dear Eleanor, Please know that my prayers are with you. Don't let anyone tell you that God does not want you to pray for yourself. God wants us o look to Him for all our needs. I know it is difficult to undo a belief that a "church" has made you believe, but that is simply not true. I pray that the Lord gives you peace. "For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of love ,peace and a sound mind"  I have to keep telling myself this  jsut about daily or whenever I am afraid.
Blessings
Donna Marie

 ~The Joy of the Lord is my  strength~