Having just read Tariki's post and the need for humor, hopefully these will bring a smile.

Real Doctor's Notes
1. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
3. On the second day, the knee was better, and then on the third day it disappeared.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
5. Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.
6. Healthy-appearing decrepit, 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
7. The patient refused autopsy.
8. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
9. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
10. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only 40-pound weight gain in the last three days.
11. She is numb from her toes down.
12. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
13. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
14. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
15. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

Yesterday is gone forever.Tomorrow may not come. Live Fully each moment today. Look for Good Things that Happen to you Every Day.

Thank you, Betty, for some smiles this morning.
 
Medical "shorthand" can lead to some rather amusing results!
I might have been guilty of something like that.
 
As to patients, here is a true story:
 
I picked up the phone in the E.R. The voice at the other end, "My child just put the thermometer into the boiling potatoes." "Did he burn himself?" "No!" "Did he cut himself?" "No!" " What then seems to be the problem?" "What shall I do with the potatoes?"
 
Edda

Peace and joy!

Much needed giggles!! Thank you Betty.
 
Jude

Love is the only way

And Edda!! Unbelievable.

Love is the only way

A man walked into a health center and the receptionist asked him what he had.

He said, "Shingles." So she told him to have a seat.

An hour later he got in to see the doctor who asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles."

The doctor said, "Where?"

He said, "Outside in the lorry. Where do you want them?"
 

 

Card Mixup

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card, "Rest in Peace."

The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied,

"Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this...somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, 'Congratulations on your new location.'"
 

If you have faith ... nothing shall be impossible unto you.
Matthew 17:20

thank you Ibolya!
 
Jude

Love is the only way

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. For a quiz, she gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It’s hard to believe these were actually done by first grade kids (6 or 7 year-olds)!

* Strike while the ………insect is close.
* Never underestimate the power of…………ants.
* Don’t bite the hand that………………..looks dirty.
* Better to be safe than…………….punch a grade 7 boy.
* If you lie down with dogs, you’ll…….stink in the morning.
* It’s always darkest before…………DaylightSaving Time.
* You can lead a horse to water but………..how?
* No news is…………………………….impossible.
* A miss is as good as a………………….Mr.
* You can’t teach an old dog new…………..maths.
* Love all, trust………………………..me.
* The pen is mightier than the…………….pigs.
* An idle mind is…………………the best way to relax.
* Where there’s smoke there’s……………..pollution.
* Happy the bride who……………gets all the presents.
* A penny saved is……………………….not much.
* Two’s company, three’s…………………the Musketeers.
* Don’t put off till tomorrow what….you put on to go to bed.
* Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and……….you have to blow your nose.
* There are none so blind as………………Stevie Wonder.
* Children should be seen and not………….smacked or grounded.
* If at first you don’t succeed……………get new batteries.
* You get out of something only what you……see in the picture on the box.
* When the blind leadeth the blind……..get out of the way.
* And the favorite:
* Better late than……………………….pregnant

Yesterday is gone forever.Tomorrow may not come. Live Fully each moment today. Look for Good Things that Happen to you Every Day.

Thank you, Betty, for early  morning chuckles!
The last child seems to be too grown up for her age!
 
Love,
Edda

Peace and joy!

Don’t bite the hand that………………..looks dirty

Good advice!.....
 
Jude

Love is the only way

If you have faith ... nothing shall be impossible unto you.
Matthew 17:20

 
A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire.

The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, "Let’s go!" The tense man sitting in the pilot’s seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically.

"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make several low-level passes." "Why?" asked the nervous pilot. "Because I’m going to take pictures!" yelled the photographer. "I’m a photographer, and photographers take pictures."

The pilot replied, "You mean you’re not the flight instructor?"

If you have faith ... nothing shall be impossible unto you.
Matthew 17:20

Jack has died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Jack's last will and testament.

"To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 50 acres of land, and one million dollars. To my son Barry, I leave my big Lexus and the Jaguar. To my daughter Suzy, I leave my yacht and $250,000. And to my brother-in-law Jeff, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my sun lamp."

If you have faith ... nothing shall be impossible unto you.
Matthew 17:20

Thank you Ibolya!

Love is the only way

Strike while the ………insect is close.

 
Oh believe me Aunty Betty I always do
 
 
 
Welcome Ibolya,
 
Your posts are full of joy thank you.
 
Love to all Sandraxx

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

These are all so funny,
and have given me the first outloud laughs of my day

An idle mind is…………………the best way to relax.

very wise . . .
and Ibolya . . . the airplane instructor . . .
too much

everything counts... ♥

These are adds put in the local paper
 
FREE PUPPIES 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
 
JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer £100. 

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE. Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie. 
 


FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. 

Excellent condition. £200 or best offer. No longer needed, Got married last month. Wife knows everything.

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

Three Little Pigs



The Three Little Pigs


Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.

'I would like a Sprite,' said the first little piggy.


'I would like a Coke,' said the second little piggy.

Dear, Dear Sandra, I absolutely love the "little piggie" a good hearty laugh to end the day.

How Blonde Is She???
She was Soooooooo Blonde .
* She thought a quarterback was a refund.
* She thought General Motors was in the army.
* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care centre.
* At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius."

She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
* She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
* Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."

She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She tripped over a cordless phone.
* She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate."
* She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
* She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

She Was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She studied for a blood test.
* She sold the car for gas money.
* When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.
* When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.

She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
* She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
* She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
* She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."
She Was sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company

Yesterday is gone forever.Tomorrow may not come. Live Fully each moment today. Look for Good Things that Happen to you Every Day.

* When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.

 
Love it!!!
 
Sandra, I don't know how I missed yours (above) My computer obviously doesn't always tell the truth when I click on "Posts Since Last Visit."
 
"FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. 

Excellent condition. £200 or best offer. No longer needed, Got married last month. Wife knows everything. "  Of course!!
 
Jude




 

Love is the only way