A Network for Grateful Living

 Laughter and the Positive Effects

Change Page: << < ..61626364656667686970.. > >> | Showing page 65 of 72, messages 1281 to 1300 of 1437
Author Message
J1937

  • Total Posts : 1707
  • Joined: 6/25/2007
  • Location: Austria/Europe
  • Status: offline
RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 4/7/2009 8:07 AM ( #1281 )
Sorry, I hit the wrong key again - see what I mean about me not being fit for driving???

* The greatest advantage: I have no number plate attached to my back, by which I can be identified when, just e.g., I cross when the light is red...

Juliana
lilsparrow

  • Total Posts : 4171
  • Joined: 9/15/2008
  • Location: us
  • Status: offline
RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 4/7/2009 8:10 AM ( #1282 )
Jude and Juliana . . .
  . . .
 
everything counts...
buttington

  • Total Posts : 6618
  • Joined: 6/9/2007
  • Location: UK
  • Status: offline
RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 4/7/2009 8:11 AM ( #1283 )

* The greatest advantage: I have no number plate attached to my back, by which I can be identified when, just e.g., I cross when the light is red...

 
 (((Juliana)))
Love is the only way
Imenuff

  • Total Posts : 2118
  • Joined: 3/23/2007
  • Status: offline
RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 4/7/2009 9:28 AM ( #1284 )
Diane, it may be a very old joke but I had never heard it before (at least if I did, I don't remember if I did)!!
Sandra, I too think it's a really cute joke. Maybe that's because I am blonde!!. I love your five tips for women, especially the
#5. Now all I need to do is find the five different men first. Thank you for all the "elderly" jokes." It's really not that bad, dear. If you
have huge worries, within five minutes, you just no longer have them. Now, I ask you, is that a "bad" way to live????
Juliana, having met you, I could just picture you with your little number plate walking the wrong way on a one way street and all the
cars honking at you.


Thank you all for keeping this thread going. Laughter is so important to all of us and such a gifted way to begin our days. May a sense of humor be
our companion today.
Yesterday is gone forever.Tomorrow may not come. Live Fully each moment today. Look for Good Things that Happen to you Every Day.
J1937

  • Total Posts : 1707
  • Joined: 6/25/2007
  • Location: Austria/Europe
  • Status: offline
RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 4/7/2009 12:31 PM ( #1285 )
Dear Betty,

Having met you, I can just picture you sitting in your car driving, with little Imee (?) sitting in your lap, honking at me as I light-heartedly walk along a one-way street... There is no "wrong" way for pedestrians, at least not in Austria!!!

Love to you,
Juliana
_____________________________
Speak Peace in a World of Conflict 
lovewho.u.r

  • Total Posts : 692
  • Joined: 11/7/2008
  • Status: offline
RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 4/7/2009 2:52 PM ( #1286 )
Sandra....

It was hard to pick a favorite especially loved your personal comment...
I was crying from my laughter...Thank You! Toooooo funny!!!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------

FAMILY
   Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at
the door."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And to all,  everyone elses responses.... I .giggled more and more...,, thank you much for the laughter....You ladies are so FUN!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's really not that bad, dear. If you
have huge worries, within five minutes, you just no longer have them. Now, I ask you, is that a "bad" way to live????


Way too funny!!!!! Laugh...Laugh...Laugh....so moch I thought I would cry!!!!!!  So much to look forward too.....
------------------------ --------------------------------------------------------------------------

 


Grateful to be here!
What a gift and connection builder!
Love and Gratitude,
Love who You Are
Imenuff

  • Total Posts : 2118
  • Joined: 3/23/2007
  • Status: offline
RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 4/13/2009 11:13 AM ( #1287 )
Yesterday is gone forever.Tomorrow may not come. Live Fully each moment today. Look for Good Things that Happen to you Every Day.
Hildegard

  • Total Posts : 4807
  • Joined: 8/30/2006
  • Location: Chicago
  • Status: offline
RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 4/13/2009 11:43 AM ( #1288 )
Ouch!
 
Edda
Peace and joy!
Rainbow

  • Total Posts : 29
  • Joined: 4/11/2009
  • Status: offline
RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 4/13/2009 3:18 PM ( #1289 )
Betty your link made me smile this is like something I would put on
 
Thank you for the smiles.
 
Rainbow
~a house is a home when it shelters the body and comforts the soul~
Rainbow

  • Total Posts : 29
  • Joined: 4/11/2009
  • Status: offline
RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 4/13/2009 3:19 PM ( #1290 )
May I add



The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM " He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


WIFE VS HUSBAND


A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws"


WOMEN'S REVENGE


"Cash, cheque or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."


UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.

W O R D S


A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION


A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT


A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"

God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
~a house is a home when it shelters the body and comforts the soul~
buttington

  • Total Posts : 6618
  • Joined: 6/9/2007
  • Location: UK
  • Status: offline
RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 4/13/2009 6:30 PM ( #1291 )
Rainbow, thank you for a chuckle before bedtime.
Love is the only way
lilsparrow

  • Total Posts : 4171
  • Joined: 9/15/2008
  • Location: us
  • Status: offline
RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 4/14/2009 7:12 AM ( #1292 )

God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
Truly,
I am not sexist
but I had to laugh
(perhaps a little too heartily )

everything counts...
lovewho.u.r

  • Total Posts : 692
  • Joined: 11/7/2008
  • Status: offline
RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 4/14/2009 12:50 PM ( #1293 )
Enjoyed the jokes, Rainbow!!!
Grateful to be here!
What a gift and connection builder!
Love and Gratitude,
Love who You Are
Imenuff

  • Total Posts : 2118
  • Joined: 3/23/2007
  • Status: offline
RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 4/16/2009 11:14 AM ( #1294 )
REPLACEMENT WINDOWS
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them.
He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.
Hellloooo ..just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.
So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!
Hellloooo? It's been a year! I told him.
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.
He never called back.
I bet he felt like an idiot..

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

ATTORNEY: Now
doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Yesterday is gone forever.Tomorrow may not come. Live Fully each moment today. Look for Good Things that Happen to you Every Day.
buttington

  • Total Posts : 6618
  • Joined: 6/9/2007
  • Location: UK
  • Status: offline
RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 4/16/2009 11:26 AM ( #1295 )
Betty, I just loved the Replacement windows. I'd like some like that!
 
Jude
Love is the only way
Imenuff

  • Total Posts : 2118
  • Joined: 3/23/2007
  • Status: offline
RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 4/21/2009 3:37 PM ( #1296 )
Funny letters to landlords
Here are a few excerpts of funny letters to landlords.

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.

I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfires and burnt my knob off.

This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.

The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?

I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.

I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk? Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.

Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.

Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap? My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us.

50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy

It’s the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow

Yesterday is gone forever.Tomorrow may not come. Live Fully each moment today. Look for Good Things that Happen to you Every Day.
Hildegard

  • Total Posts : 4807
  • Joined: 8/30/2006
  • Location: Chicago
  • Status: offline
RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 4/21/2009 3:47 PM ( #1297 )
Thank you, Betty!
 
One is funnier than the next! I can't pick a favorite!
 
Last week I might have written one of those to my landlord, if it wasn't myself I had to complain to!
For example:
"My washbasin empties into the bathtub. Is this a new way the management wants us to conserve water?"
 
Love,
Edda
Peace and joy!
lilsparrow

  • Total Posts : 4171
  • Joined: 9/15/2008
  • Location: us
  • Status: offline
RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 4/21/2009 5:15 PM ( #1298 )

Ladies . . . you have made my evening!
everything counts...
buttington

  • Total Posts : 6618
  • Joined: 6/9/2007
  • Location: UK
  • Status: offline
RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 4/21/2009 5:49 PM ( #1299 )
Thank you Betty and Edda
 
Jude
Love is the only way
Imenuff

  • Total Posts : 2118
  • Joined: 3/23/2007
  • Status: offline
RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 4/22/2009 6:27 AM ( #1300 )

A LITTLE THREE YEAR OLD BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET.

HIS MOTHER THINKS HE HAS BEEN IN THERE TOO LONG,
SO SHE GOES IN TO SEE WHAT'S UP.

THE LITTLE BOY IS GRIPPING ON TO THE TOILET SEAT
WITH HIS LEFT HAND AND HITTING HIMSELF
ON TOP OF THE HEAD WITH HIS RIGHT HAND.

HIS MOTHER SAYS: "BILLY, ARE YOU ALRIGHT?
YOU'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR AWHILE."

BILLY SAYS: "I'M FINE, MOMMY.
I JUST HAVEN'T GONE 'POOPY' YET."

MOTHER SAYS:
"OK, YOU CAN STAY HERE A FEW MORE MINUTES.
BUT, BILLY, WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD?"

BILLY SAYS: "WORKS FOR KETCHUP!"




Yesterday is gone forever.Tomorrow may not come. Live Fully each moment today. Look for Good Things that Happen to you Every Day.
Change Page: << < ..61626364656667686970.. > >> | Showing page 65 of 72, messages 1281 to 1300 of 1437

Jump to:

Current active users
There are 0 members and 1 guests.
Icon Legend and Permission
  • New Messages
  • No New Messages
  • Hot Topic w/ New Messages
  • Hot Topic w/o New Messages
  • Locked w/ New Messages
  • Locked w/o New Messages
  • Read Message
  • Post New Thread
  • Reply to message
  • Post New Poll
  • Submit Vote
  • Post reward post
  • Delete my own posts
  • Delete my own threads
  • Rate post

© 2000-2009 ASPPlayground.NET Forum Version 3.4
© Gratefulness.org, A Network for Grateful Living