DreamSinger
Posts: 112
Joined: 10/29/2006
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Dear Dorothy, I am an incest survivor. Let me tell you, there's no doubt your mother knew how much you loved her, and that it meant more than anything to her. If she was abused in 1963, there were no resources to help her through this, and often, even with today's greater awareness, it can be so difficult to break out of your inner prison.
Unresolved wounds like incest, can resurface, can be triggered. For a lot of us, it can be a season, like Christmas, or a change in the weather or anything that anchors us to that moment or moments. Being abused as a child is horrific enough, but to anchor something like that specifically to a holiday that is so emotionally charged for a child anyway is a huge trauma. To have that abuse continue over years deepens the wound all that much more.
When a memory is triggered, it's not like a remembering. It's a re-living. A part of you knows you're an adult. A part of you is aware of the year. But for all practical purposes, you are that child again. You feel, think, and live in that moment just as if you were that kid. Even if you don't remember all the details, because as a child you just didn't have the words or cognitive ability to place the experience somewhere...and maybe even because of that, you still have the emotional memory just as clearly, just as deeply.
The mother she was, would never leave you, would never hurt her family. The child she was, could not take this any longer.
Sometimes, I feel like I was born old. I understand how she can feel so tired. In that moment, she made a choice she could not reverse, but her love for you is something she would never and could never take away.
Know that your mother is at peace now. God does not judge pain. God heals it. Your mother is safe and whole now.
Your mother was not responsible for what happened to her..and neither are you. I want you to really hear that, okay?
My heart goes out to you and embraces you and your family during this time. Light a candle for your mom, and light one for you. And as you let your tears fall, let at least one be for happiness, that somewhere, even though you may not see it right now, there is a seed for healing and something very beautiful that will come out of all this. I know this for you.
_____________________________
¸..·*´¨¨~-:¦:-
¸.·´ ..·´¨¨)) Demian,
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ *-:¦:- DreamSinger -:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´*
Keeping the Dream
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