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new group ctcop - 3/31/2008 10:16:12 AM

joanzze

Posts: 11
Joined: 3/30/2008
From: Massachusetts
Status: offline

I just wanted to let everyone know I have started a new group ctcop which stands for Children Taking Care of Parents. It is a hard path to follow and I am doing my best. I pray for strength every day and for all those who care for an elderly loved one.

Post #: 1

RE: new group ctcop - 3/31/2008 2:04:33 PM

buttington

Posts: 1672
Joined: 6/9/2007
From: UK
Status: offline

Dear Joanzze,
Thank you for bringing this to our attention, and welcome to the Forum. I hope we will hear more from you.

I agree that being a carer is a very hard job, and especially so if you are a child.

Not enough is done for carers of all kinds. Who cares for the carer?

I will light a candle in your group.

Jude

_____________________________

Love is the only way

Post #: 2

RE: new group ctcop - 3/31/2008 2:39:17 PM

Hildegard

Posts: 2357
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline

Welcome to the forum, Joanzze! I, too, thank you for bringing this cause to everyone's attention. It touches me personally, since my 18 year older husband has been disabled since last year Easter. Caring for him is a privilege but also challenging.
I'll be glad to light a candle in your group!

With every good wish,
Edda

_____________________________

Peace and joy!

Post #: 3

RE: new group ctcop - 3/31/2008 11:46:46 PM

sbubbles84

Posts: 36
Joined: 9/1/2007
Status: offline

Dear Joanzze,
Iam praying for you and your loved ones. Bless you for the love you are giving back to your family members.
Shirley

Post #: 4

RE: new group ctcop - 4/1/2008 3:30:21 AM

celtic star

Posts: 387
Joined: 5/23/2007
Status: offline

Hi Joanzze, I will gladly light a candle and pray for you and your family. I have some idea of the issues you are dealing with. I look after my mum, who has dementia in addition to other medical conditions. My sister and I are really committed to looking after her in her own home but it does get frustrating and can be exhausting caring for mum, the family and working. Namste Glenys x

Post #: 5

RE: new group ctcop - 4/1/2008 10:47:54 AM

joanzze

Posts: 11
Joined: 3/30/2008
From: Massachusetts
Status: offline

Many thanks for your kind words and support. People who support people if only through words and prayers are the greatest. I take care of my 87 year old mother with numerous health problems along with a part time job and my own family. I have missed out on many specially occasions, vacations, etc. because she cannot be left alone and my children take care of her so I can atleast food shop and run small errands. It's hard to schedule small blocks of time. My friends cannot comprehend why I can't leave her to go out to dinner, a movie, etc. Each night when I close my eyes I just wonder how people can do this everyday as their job. And with no offense to anyone, if there is an afterlife or believe in reincarnation, I pray I am not a health care worker. Again, thank you for your help and support.

Joni

Post #: 6

RE: new group ctcop - 4/1/2008 3:16:18 PM

buttington

Posts: 1672
Joined: 6/9/2007
From: UK
Status: offline

Bless you Joni, I can hear your pain and my heart goes out to you.

Keep trying to find some outside support.

Love Jude

_____________________________

Love is the only way

Post #: 7

RE: new group ctcop - 4/1/2008 11:21:20 PM

Imenuff

Posts: 720
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

Dear Joni, Know that you are in my prayers. It is extremely difficult to care for your family and an aging parent. It is also difficult for your children. Having been through the same experience with my own mother and our family/children, I can readily understand your comment that if there is reincarnation, you pray that you are not a health care worker. Sometimes it feels like a giant tug of war with the elder parent's needs on one side, the job and the family's needs on the other and you are the rope in the middle of the two. Please take some time alone for you (I know, much easier said than done). When you food shop or run small errands, maybe you could just stop and get a cup of coffee and give Joni some self care. Yes, it is extremely difficult to find even a couple of minutes just for you, but self-care is so very important at times like these. Please learn from my experience. There were times I would be so tired that I could drive to the store or wherever I needed to go and not remember which way I took to get there. Take care of you and know that you will be held inn prayer.

_____________________________

Shalom(May you be at peace in Body, Mind,& Spirit)

I'menuff

Post #: 8

RE: new group ctcop - 5/17/2008 9:16:34 AM

joanzze

Posts: 11
Joined: 3/30/2008
From: Massachusetts
Status: offline

I would like to thank all for your support in the past. I am asking now for you to prayer for me. I am going to be selfish this one time as I need your power of prayer. I am going away for my daughters graduation out of state for three days. I am having someone come to watch and care for my mother while I am away, but the guilt I feel leaving her is tearing me apart. I am afraid I will not be here if something should happen. My stomach is in knots, my head feels like a sledge hammer hit me. I can't seem to just let it all go and enjoy.

Thanks for listening, your words of comfort and prayers.

Joni

Post #: 9

RE: new group ctcop - 5/17/2008 9:28:27 AM

Hildegard

Posts: 2357
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline

Dear Joni, I'll keep you in my prayers that you may find comfort and peace in what you need to do. Please, try not to feel guilty. And whatever happens, most likely you could not have prevented it. Your daughter deserves your total presence. It is hard to depend on others; I, too, often feel I should do everything myself. I am familiar with that knot in the stomach. It is hard to learn to trust. Every time I step out of the house and leave my husband I say, "Lord, take care of him." I still get anxious but I do go about what I have to do, and discover that my worries were for naught!

Much love and warm hugs,
Edda

_____________________________

Peace and joy!

Post #: 10

RE: new group ctcop - 5/17/2008 9:48:00 AM

celtic star

Posts: 387
Joined: 5/23/2007
Status: offline

Hi Joni, I will with a glad heart, pray that you are able to be kind and gentle with yourself and accept that you deserve to be at your daughter's graduation and that you daughter deserves to have you there celebrating with her. Let yourself have a wonderful time. Amen.

I empathise with your feelings of guilt, we are placing my mum in respite care in a residential home for a week so that I and my sister can have some rest from caring. I intend to go to visit my son Bobi during that week. I can't wait to see him but at times I feel overwhelmed by guilt as if I am abandoning my mother. However I also know that to look after her, I have to try and look after myself. I am doing the best I can as my life is now.
Namaste
Glenys x

Post #: 11

RE: new group ctcop - 5/17/2008 10:33:53 AM

buttington

Posts: 1672
Joined: 6/9/2007
From: UK
Status: offline

Dear Joni,
Everything Glenys says is true. Go to your daughter and enjoy youself. You deserve it.

Love Jude

_____________________________

Love is the only way

Post #: 12

RE: new group ctcop - 5/17/2008 11:32:32 AM

Imenuff

Posts: 720
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

Dear Joni and Glenys, Blessings on both of you as you both leave for some well deserved self-care. Reading your posts, I am reminded of those times with my own mother and father. I do not know the religious perspective of either of you but your posts remind me of all the times one reads in Christian scriptures that in the midsts of all those wanting and needing healing, Jesus left them and just went off alone to care for his own needs. Time after time, we read about this. It also reminds me of the book Tuesdays with Morrie. His children came from all over to be sure that they were with him and so that he wouldn't die alone. They left his room for two or three minutes at most, some to get a cup of coffee or take care of nature's needs, etc., and he died in those two or three minutes. A dear friend's mother just died two weeks ago while her spouse was asleep in the same house. She had gotten up to go to the bathroom, had a heart attack in the bathroom and died immediately while he was asleep in their bedroom. Yes, we all want to be there to make sure nothing happens to our loved ones but they belong first to the Holy One to bring home at the appointed time whether we are three seconds away from them or three days journey from them. Be kind to yourselves. You are involved in a very difficult task, one that can only be fulfilled if you take care of yourselves. Please, take this time that has been provided for YOUR care and give to yourselves as generously as you give to others. One of my favorite writers, Therese of Avila would always say that "guilt" is from the "evil one". It brings us down on ourselves and the longer we allow it, the more down we can get on ourselves. Prayers go with both of you that your respite be a very blessed one that brings refreshment and renewal to both of you.

_____________________________

Shalom(May you be at peace in Body, Mind,& Spirit)

I'menuff

Post #: 13

RE: new group ctcop - 5/19/2008 7:25:56 PM

joanzze

Posts: 11
Joined: 3/30/2008
From: Massachusetts
Status: offline

I just want to say thanks again for your kind words and most of all your prayers. I, along with my husband and son had a wonderful time at my daughter's graduation. The weather was perfect and a good time was had by all who attended. My husband and I stayed in Vermont for an extra day eventhough it's only a four hour drive home. The only point of anxiety was when my two children drove home together. Even though they are young adults, they fight like cats and dogs. They, of course, made it home in one piece and I was fine after that. My sister survived taking care of my mother as things went well with that too.

I am glad I found this site to talk and express my feelings. I pray for all of us everyday and if anyone every needs that little extra thought and prayer, just let me know.

Joni

Post #: 14

RE: new group ctcop - 5/19/2008 9:25:22 PM

Hildegard

Posts: 2357
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline

Dear Joni,

I am so very happy that you had a wonderful time at your daughter's graduation, got some extra time to relax, and everything else worked out! I hope you feel refreshed as you continue providing care for your mother.

Much love,
Edda

_____________________________

Peace and joy!

Post #: 15

RE: new group ctcop - 5/20/2008 4:40:02 PM

buttington

Posts: 1672
Joined: 6/9/2007
From: UK
Status: offline

Dear Joni,

I too am delighted to hear that all went well.

I have a friend who has borrowed a phrase from someone else....EWOP (everything works out perfectly) We don't always agree that everything works out perfectly, but it probably works out best in the long run, and I do believe that a positive outlook helps.

Love, Jude

_____________________________

Love is the only way

Post #: 16

RE: new group ctcop - 5/21/2008 2:27:00 PM

celtic star

Posts: 387
Joined: 5/23/2007
Status: offline

Hi Joni, I was delighted to read that your trip had gone well, a much deserved rest from caring for you all. Love Glenys x
Hi Betty, Thank you for reminding me of texts in The New Testament that refer to Jesus needing to rest, it gave me a different perspective. Wishing you all good things, Glenys x

Post #: 17