RE: Loss of my daughter *Murdered*

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RE: Loss of my daughter Murdered

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RE: Loss of my daughter *Murdered* - 5/16/2008 1:25:01 AM

flgirl

Posts: 9
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline

I want to thank you all again for your loving advise and prayers. I wish I could tell you that it is getting better.But that would not be the truth. I have other sons. and plus my grandson now.I feel as if I am letting them down too. But I am not. I love them. But this pain has taken control of mylife and I feel as if I am not the same person and I don't think I ever will be the same. I pray at night to just let her come back to me and let me know she is ok. I pray that God will take this pain. I pray that no other mothers should go through this. I try my best to let go. But it don't. I can't sleep. I am up till use to be 2-3am now i am lucky to hit the bed before 4:30am. I love coming here and being able to tell all of you how I feel and reading your beautiful comments and your love. You justdon't know how much that means. I thank God for each of you. I pray for each of you. The one good thing that I am looking forward too. Is our family and friends and community are coming to gether to have a benefit In Indiana on Kel's behalf and it will be for her son Donavon. I really do think being with everyone and seeing all the love and all the people that Kel has touch. Will be amazing for me. What a heart she had. The persoon that got her heart is one very very lucky person. I hope someday I wll be able to meet this person and let him know exactly what kind of heart he has. It is made of Gold. I really from the bottom of my heart thank each and every single one of you. Please hang in there with me. I am really trying.
LOVE
DEBBIE.

Post #: 21

RE: Loss of my daughter *Murdered* - 5/16/2008 1:28:05 AM

flgirl

Posts: 9
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline

Thankful one. Thanks so much for the flowers they are beautiful.
Love
Debbie

Post #: 22

RE: Loss of my daughter *Murdered* - 5/16/2008 8:37:51 AM

J1937

Posts: 681
Joined: 6/25/2007
From: Austria/Europe
Status: offline

Dear Debbie,
Thank you for coming here again and sharing your grief with us. I will certainly hang in there with you, lighting a candle and praying that you may find peace and comfort. As for your not finding sleep, let me share my experience. When my husband died in a car accident at Christmas, I did not sleep for two nights. I just lay still, thinking of the book "Spuren im Sand (that is what it is called in German, would the original be called "Traces in the Sand?), where the author in a dream sees how she was carried by the Holy One at the hardest times in her life. I tried to let myself fall and be carried. In the third night I slept as deeply as never before nor ever since. I wish you can find such sleep, too, maybe after reading the comforting poem on the previous page.

Much love and hugs,
Juliana
_____________________________
Speak Peace in a World of Conflict

Post #: 23

RE: Loss of my daughter *Murdered* - 5/16/2008 8:39:41 AM

Hildegard

Posts: 2232
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline

Dear Debbie,

Thank you for sharing with us so beautifully and honestly how you feel! We are hanging in there with you! And your family understands! Your daughter is so close to you! You can be sure that she is OK!
You are right, you will not be the same person again, rather you will be even more compassionate and wiser. The pain you suffer now will bear fruit in ways you can't know now. Be patient with yourself as you work through your profound grief, one day at a time.
My prayers and love are with you! Do keep coming back and share what ever you wish, we are ready and glad to listen!

Much love and warm hugs,
Edda

_____________________________

Peace and joy!

Post #: 24

RE: Loss of my daughter *Murdered* - 5/16/2008 1:25:30 PM

buttington

Posts: 1501
Joined: 6/9/2007
From: UK
Status: offline

Dear Debbie,
I'm so glad you are still coming here to share your grief. Be assured, you are not letting anyone down.

My heart is with you, and as Juliana says, I hope that soon you will get some good sleep.

Much Love, Jude

_____________________________

Love is the only way

Post #: 25

RE: Loss of my daughter *Murdered* - 5/16/2008 6:55:16 PM

Lynn

Posts: 841
Joined: 9/3/2006
From: Phillipsport, NY
Status: offline

Dear Debbie, I am so truly sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my son Robby, 2 yrs, 5 months ago. Everyone has expressed exactly what I would have said. And I can guarantee that you will get the help, advice and support you need, from these dear, wonderful people. I can add that you will never be the person you were before this horrible event. You can't be, you are forever changed. I used to say each day, I want the 'old me' back again, but she is gone. Someone said here that you will find a 'new normal' in your life, you will. The pain will not go away but it becomes more tolerable every passing moment. Hang on!!
Prayers from my heart to yours. Lynn

_____________________________

DREAM WITH YOUR HEART!!

Post #: 26

RE: Loss of my daughter *Murdered* - 5/16/2008 8:52:42 PM

Alchemist

Posts: 88
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

Juliana

I believe this may be what you are referring to.

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,

"You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?"

The Lord replied, "The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you."

~ Mary Stevenson

_____________________________

We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that Self may prove to be.
~ May Sarton

Post #: 27

RE: Loss of my daughter *Murdered* - 5/16/2008 9:30:40 PM

Imenuff

Posts: 645
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

Dearest Debbie, What a very beautiful gift. Not only is Kel's spirit with you but somewhere in this world, her very own physical heart is beating and giving life to another human being. How very much love that special living heart is sending to both you and her. I pray that you will be able to meet this person who has a new life because of your daughter, and because of you who gave birth to her. How very powerful for her son to someday meet and touch this person who carries his mother's living breathing heart inside. Dear One, how could we not hang in there with you. In the midst of all your tragedy, you have given another life. May you truly be blessed as you have so abundantly blessed another. Your daughter could not have had that heart made of gold had it not been for the mother who taught her. Please, do not be impatient with yourself. You have been through an unthinkable tragedy. Sad to say, there are so many like you in this country. I found a website you might be interested in checking out Parents of Murdered Children Please know that we are here for you with much love and prayer. Personally, I am in awe of you. I can't imagine at such a horrific time of pain, that my thoughts would go to saving another's llife. I know the Holy One is tenderly supporting, sustaining, and carrying you as you grieve the loss of your beloved in whom Our God is well pleased.

_____________________________

Shalom(May you be at peace in Body, Mind,& Spirit)

I'menuff

Post #: 28

RE: Loss of my daughter *Murdered* - 5/17/2008 12:19:10 AM

Marie M.

Posts: 1113
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline

Debbie, welcome to the forum. I am so very sorry for your loss. My prayers for your daughter and for your family.

I have lost my oldest son that was 23 years old, four and a half years ago. What I can say of my own situation, to get to a place of understanding is, God. Keeping my Faith in God and all of the whys, I know very well. The lack of sleep has been a part of my journey, still today. I am still working through as to not be restless. There are days of being up until 2:00 AM and there are days of rest. I cannot offer and advice and I dare not to because my journey is ongoing, I am truly sorry for your loss and for your pain, I feel it in your postings as another grieving mother.

I have felt my own pain and have expressed it in my thread, my firstborn son Seneca.

The forum here at Gratefulness and the many compassionate, supportive people and prayers has amazed me with my healing that has been able to come, after my darkest moments. Many times of coming here late at night, when I would come here after a busy day with a toddler. Expressing myself here, and allowing myself to feel whatever I was feeling in the day, and later learning it was grief and it had many symptoms.
Zen member has posted a listing of the symptoms of grief that has helped me in relating to what I was feeling and realizing they were a part of grief.

Again I welcome you, to a very special place, a place from God and the many Angels here to help you along the journey.

May God bless you
Marie

Post #: 29

RE: Loss of my daughter *Murdered* - 5/17/2008 5:20:46 AM

J1937

Posts: 681
Joined: 6/25/2007
From: Austria/Europe
Status: offline

Alchemist,

Thank you for providing the correct title of "Footprints in the Sand". There is a story that goes with it, which I have always found very touching.

Debbie,

I wish you may be able to draw strength and comfort from it as I did.

With love,
Juliana
_____________________________
Speak Peace in a World of Conflict

Post #: 30

RE: Loss of my daughter *Murdered* - 5/17/2008 1:09:01 PM

bernie

Posts: 164
Joined: 11/22/2007
From: TX
Status: offline

Wow, it's profoundly admirable how your precious daughter is by extension sharing someone else's life in the midst of your intense suffering & loss...so phenomenally beautiful!

In heaven your daughter post-floating out of her physical body will surely be aware how she's helping another soul in a variant plane of existence.

Raymond A. Moody, Jr., M.D., who as Richard Bach says, has done straight honest research (OBE/NDEs) that dissolves ancient fear and mystery. Dr. Moody has studied scores of subjects who have experienced "clinical death" and their accounts of this experience are startingly similar in detail, confirming that there is life after death:

'A man is dying and, as he reaches the point of greatest physical distress, he hears himself pronounced dead by his doctor. He begins to hear an uncomfortable noise, a loud ringing or buzzing, and at the same time feels himself moving very rapidly through a long, dark tunnel. After this, he finds himself outside of his own physical body...Soon, other things begin to happen. Others (in the spirit dimension) come to meet and help him. He glimpses the spirits of relatives and friends who have already died, and a loving, warm spirit of a kind he has never encountered before - a being of light - appears before him.'

Post #: 31

RE: Loss of my daughter *Murdered* - 5/17/2008 7:14:25 PM

Vicky

Posts: 342
Joined: 6/24/2007
Status: offline

Dear Debbie, I would like to offer my condolences as well. Does your grandson live with you now? From what you have written, it sounds like he does. He is very lucky to have you so that you can constantly remind him of his Mother's love for him. Play his mother's music for him, so that he will remember the music that she loved. I too, cannot imagine the pain you must be feeling. I pray that you find the support of a group that can help you move forward. Your daughter will be in your heart forever. No one can take that away.

Prayers for your sorrow and to fill your hole in your heart with happiness and love.

Post #: 32

RE: Loss of my daughter *Murdered* - 5/19/2008 1:08:35 AM

Thankful one

Posts: 1672
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

Debbie,
You are in my thoughts and prayers.

I don't know what I can do to help.

I would like to send you a colorful photo.

Post #: 33

RE: Loss of my daughter *Murdered* - 5/19/2008 11:00:14 AM

flgirl

Posts: 9
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline

I want everyone to know that i do come here and read all your kind words even though I might not make a comment. All of you here with your kind words and thoughts means alot. I want you to know that my prayers and thoughts go out to each and everyone of you too. Thanks so much for everthing. I am bless to have people like you. God Bless each and everry single one of you.
Love
Debbie and Donavon.

Oh my grandson is doing really good. He still has his moments but that is to be expected. I show his mommy's picture all the the time and tell him that she had to go be with the angels and that she loves him with all her heart. He will point to my angels that I have and say "angel Mommy". Breaks my heart but at least he will know and does know mommy loves him.

Post #: 34

RE: Loss of my daughter *Murdered* - 5/19/2008 11:18:47 AM

Hildegard

Posts: 2232
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline

Dear Debbie,

I am glad we can be of some help to you. It is good to hear that your grandson is doing well. Give him a special hug from me!

Much love,
Edda

_____________________________

Peace and joy!

Post #: 35

RE: Loss of my daughter *Murdered* - 5/22/2008 2:04:20 PM

empath

Posts: 5
Joined: 5/22/2008
Status: offline

Hello flgirl. I can see how much pain you are in and I sympathize with you greatly, to say the least. It sounds to me like you feel a tremendous amount of guilt for your daughter's death. I would like to start by telling you that it was NOT your fault. You are reliving the horrific event night after night due to the guilt you feel. It is natural to harbor self blame, but you have to realize that your daughter is in a better place and likely smiles upon you with love.
I have never experienced anything like this, but I can feel from your post your agony and I hope to ease your pain. I am very close to my mother too, so I understand that she was more than a child, but your best friend. These connections never end when our loved ones die. I think you need to take a moment to step away from the tragedy you are reliving for her and tell yourself that she is not in pain anymore. This may seem very difficult to say the least, but with what you're going through you must take it one step at a time. I hope this helps you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Always, Empath

Post #: 36

RE: Loss of my daughter *Murdered* - 5/22/2008 5:23:37 PM

Hildegard

Posts: 2232
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline

Welcome to the forum, Empath!
I hope you will visit often to share with us your wisdom and experience as you have already done.

Wishing you everything good,
Edda

_____________________________

Peace and joy!

Post #: 37

RE: Loss of my daughter *Murdered* - 5/23/2008 9:18:40 AM

Thankful one

Posts: 1672
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

Empath,
Welcome to the forum!

I appreciate the compassion you have shared and feel that you have much to share and help us all learn to deal with difficult situations.

To you and flgirl, I'd like to share something that helps me to remember.

Life is good; situations may be challenging.

I'd like to send you a welcoming flower to say hello.

Post #: 38

RE: Loss of my daughter *Murdered* - 5/24/2008 4:45:02 PM

empath

Posts: 5
Joined: 5/22/2008
Status: offline

Thank you Hildegard and THankful One for your kind words! I was nervous at first to post my thouhts but I am very glad that you welcomed me as you did and appreciated what I had to say. THank you, that means so much! I hope the day finds you well. If not I am always here to talk.
Empath

Post #: 39

RE: Loss of my daughter *Murdered* - 5/24/2008 4:48:14 PM

empath

Posts: 5
Joined: 5/22/2008
Status: offline

Debbie you are very strong, and I hope it helps you to know that what you are saying is true. She is with the angels. As much as your heart breaks, remember you are not alone in your grief and that people can only die when they learned what they were meant to learn on Earth. It doesn't always help for the grief process down here for the survivors, but our loved ones' journies are painless and they are always watching over us. I hope you are feeling better. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Always,
empath

Post #: 40