Anger and guilt

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Anger and guilt

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Anger and guilt - 8/22/2008 11:06:22 PM

The_Rose

Posts: 3
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline

I can't be the only one who feels so angry ? I can't be the only one who feels so lost and without faith ?
My friend is dying and she doesn`t want to leave this world because she has a 3 yrs old child she has to leave behind .
I've seen poeple die before I have never seen so much fear ...my friend is in fear so much that I get sick just seeing her like this .

I feel helpless I feel guilt I can't cope with this Does anyone feel like this ? My Mom died last year I did not feel like I do now.

I'm so so lost it`s as if my faith just left me so I can`t even pray it doesn`t make sense at this time

Post #: 1

RE: Anger and guilt - 8/22/2008 11:45:10 PM

Hildegard

Posts: 2645
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: Chicago
Status: online

Dear Marie, my heart goes out to you! It is O.K. to feel angry. Our feelings are what they are and not a reason to feel guilty. I don't know if you want to pray, but it is also O.K. to tell God that you are angry and feel helpless in the face of a young mother's death. How can you help her? The most difficult and most helpful thing is to just sit with her, hold her hand, hug her if you wish, let her talk. It is very understandable that she does not want to leave a young child behind. There is also a very practical question to consider. What provisions have been made for the child? Would it not help to know that the child will be safe and loved and cared for? Is there someone else other than you to offer support?

I do know that totally helpless feeling when a friend was dying and I could not do anything about it. She just wanted to talk and have her feelings acknowledged. Her family was in denial and did not want to hear about her talking about death. She knew how I felt and appreciated my desire to help her.

You wonder why you did not feel the same when your mother was dying. This is not surprising since there is a different set of circumstances. You are doing something tremendously important by just being there. And you youself need to have a safe place to express your own feelings. Please, return here as often as you wish. There are many caring people in this cyber-family who want to support you in every way.

I'll light a candle for you and your friend in the ALL group.

Wishing you strength, comfort and peace,
Much love and warm hugs,
Edda

_____________________________

Peace and joy!

Post #: 2

RE: Anger and guilt - 8/23/2008 12:27:09 AM

Hildegard

Posts: 2645
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: Chicago
Status: online

P.S. Does your friend receive hospice care? Those associated with hospice have a lot of experience with a wide variety of circumstances, and are a wonderful resource not only for the patient but also for family and friends.

Edda

_____________________________

Peace and joy!

Post #: 3

RE: Anger and guilt - 8/23/2008 12:46:11 PM

buttington

Posts: 2151
Joined: 6/9/2007
From: UK
Status: offline

Dear Marie,
I can't add anything to the wise words from Edda, but it strikes me that you are carrying your friends fear for her and that is why you feel so bad.

Also, she is your friend and you don't want to lose her. All perfectly understandable.

Be there for her, as you obviously are, but don't take on her fears......they are hers. You are being incredibly brave in supporting your friend. It's the worst thing in the world to lose a friend you love. Look after yourself too. Give, give give, what ever she needs, but don't take her fears as your own burden. It will only make you ill.

Love, Jude

_____________________________

Love is the only way

Post #: 4

RE: Anger and guilt - 8/23/2008 2:21:58 PM

Hildegard

Posts: 2645
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: Chicago
Status: online

Jude, you added an excellent point! Thank you!

Edda

_____________________________

Peace and joy!

Post #: 5

RE: Anger and guilt - 8/23/2008 2:43:15 PM

bernie

Posts: 212
Joined: 11/22/2007
From: TX
Status: offline

If empathy ('in-feeling'), being there for someone, becomes too intense it doesn't serve its purpose, its effectiveness - it becomes counterproductive... Above all, you want to be there w/ her projecting compassionate, soothing feelings which will assist her in her passing; not at all easy for you! However, it is very useful for you to recognize angry and ambivalent feelings towards your beloved friend while giving your invaluable, helpful support as you're struggling w/ some heartrending, agonizing issues.

She, of course, is well aware that you are actively helping her in her transition to another plane of existence... try visualizing your departing loved one, where there's no pain, totally relaxed in her new celestial glory w/ God, where quintessential peace - harmony - benevolence - Divine love radiate, abound and reign forever-and-ever from eternal-to-unending respite. amen...

Post #: 6

RE: Anger and guilt - 8/25/2008 2:47:24 AM

The_Rose

Posts: 3
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline

Thanks everyone for your kind words and understanding I really appreciate

Post #: 7

RE: Anger and guilt - 8/27/2008 10:27:15 AM

Lallen2855

Posts: 1
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

I know all about the anger. When I lost my son, I went through a long period of anger. I was angry at God. I was angry at others for no reason. I was angry at the doctors who didn't save him. I was angry at family members who didn't grieve like me. I was very angry at myself for parenting mistakes that I made along the way. Sometimes the anger felt right and I could not shake it. Anger still comes and goes with me from time to time. I work on it everyday through prayer, diversion, and by trying to find joy in life. I cannot offer a magical cure except to recognize that you probably do not want to spend the rest of your life full of anger. lets keep talking about this.

Post #: 8

RE: Anger and guilt - 8/27/2008 11:11:08 AM

Hildegard

Posts: 2645
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: Chicago
Status: online

Larry, since this is your first post, welcome to the forum! I am so very sorry for the loss of your son! It is not easy to let go of anger, but you seem to have made an excellent start. Holding on to anger is not constructive as you realize. I am sure your son would want you to find joy in your life. He was a gift to you even though for too short a time. The memories of happy times together are still a gift from him to you.

I'll pray for you as you struggle with anger that you may find peace and joy!

With every good wish,
Edda

_____________________________

Peace and joy!

Post #: 9

RE: Anger and guilt - 8/27/2008 3:35:46 PM

buttington

Posts: 2151
Joined: 6/9/2007
From: UK
Status: offline

Dear Larry,
I am so sorry that you lost your son. I really hope you can work through the anger. It is a natural progression through grief and most people feel it, and usually they do move through it to something a little more comfortable to live with.

I will light a candle for you and your son.

Jude

_____________________________

Love is the only way

Post #: 10

RE: Anger and guilt - 9/10/2008 4:27:18 PM

gem girl 62

Posts: 9
Joined: 9/10/2008
Status: offline

No Rose, you sure aren't the only one that feels so angry. I struggle with it every day and my hubby is alive and getting better. I have always thought that anger is a bad thing, biblically it says to eschew anger and sometimes I take that literally. Today, in the Christian community especially, everyone wants you to seek happiness and peace.........something that is easier to do when things go right............not so easy when they don't. I know. I try every day and struggle with my anger about what happened to my husband; I struggle with friends who don't and can't understand not to mention won't understand. They all want to be happy and forget it. I just want to deal with it and get it out of me. I have been penning it up for 8 months and its toxic, for sure. Just know its normal and okay.

I agree with what someone said about taking someones fear as your own. I know you fear her death too. Every time a cop is killed, I take that fear as my own because I know it can happen to me..............I live in fear my husband will be shot again and die this time. Then I feel guilty I am so angry with everyone who has betrayed me and I feel guilty that I am not shining example of the good cop wife! Yeech! It makes you want to go lie down in bed and pull the covers over your head and just sleep till its all over.

You deserve love and joy and peace and so doe your friend. You are getting the awful side of life right now. I wish we could hold you and help you and your friend.

Post #: 11

RE: Anger and guilt - 9/23/2008 11:29:06 AM

Isabella Bernardo

Posts: 39
Joined: 9/2/2008
From: Austria
Status: offline

Dear The_Rose,

You have all my sympathy about your son.

love, I.

_____________________________

The and is the way

Post #: 12

RE: Anger and guilt - 9/24/2008 2:03:03 PM

celtic star

Posts: 453
Joined: 5/23/2007
Status: offline

Hi Marie, I am so sorry that your friend is dying , it must be heart- wrenching for her and for everyone who loves her. Also the loss of your mum is very recent, it is natural that you feel as you do. You are a very good friend, be kind to yourself too.
Namste
Glenys x

Post #: 13

RE: Anger and guilt - 10/6/2008 12:13:05 AM

*Happy Face*

Posts: 41
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

Dear Marie,
There are some helpful things to do when you feel angry.
For instance,When I feel angry. I do things like read a
favorite book,listen to music,look at old photographs
or read the Bible.Sometimes I even enjoying going
outside on a sunny day and sitting out there and
thinking of happy times.Try it. It helps.

_____________________________

''Before You Judge Someone By Their Manners,
Behavior ,Disabilities, Way Of Life,Or Appearence.
Imagine Yourself In Their Position First...

Post #: 14