In a blaze of grief

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In a blaze of grief

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In a blaze of grief - 4/26/2007 3:43:42 PM

gregsmom

Posts: 14
Joined: 4/23/2007
Status: offline

My Greg was 20 years old when a drunk driver took Greg's life, along with his own. That was 16 years ago. Yes, I survived...barely. I learned a very important, but hard, lesson along the way. One I would have never chosen.
When Greg first died and for years after, all I wanted was to have him back. No matter how many graces and blessings came to me, I swatted them away. I didn't want condolences, or hugs or much to do with people.
This removed me from the grieving process [what an awful technical term for such a personal process] and soon it seems as if Greg had never been real. He felt like a somewhat familiar person from a past life...if there is such a thing. I had grown hard-hearted and had no gratitude for anything. That was blasphemy. As I choose again; not to be diminished by Greg's death but to be enriched by his life, things began to change. Truthfully, I still "fake it till I make it" but I am more grateful and joyful now. Little things. Big things. Beautiful things. Silly things. They now all bring a cargo of joy.
When I stoped demanding, and accepted the splendor there is in this life...Greg didn’t return, but I came back.

Post #: 1

RE: In a blaze of grief - 4/26/2007 4:07:06 PM

cats

Posts: 71
Joined: 3/26/2007
Status: offline

i will pray for you

Post #: 2

RE: In a blaze of grief - 4/26/2007 4:43:30 PM

Marie M.

Posts: 1125
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline

Gregs Mom, Welcome to the forum. I am so sorry for your loss. I can relate to your feelings mentioned. May you find strength from God. I will pray for Greg and you and light a candle in his memory.

God Bless you
Seneca's Mom
Marie

Post #: 3

RE: In a blaze of grief - 4/26/2007 10:09:12 PM

Hildegard

Posts: 2652
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: Chicago
Status: online

Welcome "back", Gail, and welcome to this place of mutual support. I am so sorry you lost your son. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. It can help so many others in this forum who have lost a loved one. The process is different for everyone, but your example gives hope.
Wishing you more and more joy and peace,
Edda

_____________________________

Peace and joy!

Post #: 4

RE: In a blaze of grief - 4/27/2007 9:35:27 AM

gregsmom

Posts: 14
Joined: 4/23/2007
Status: offline

Thank you for responding to me. You were the first one. And only hours after my post. How comforting to know that someone, somewhere is praying for us.
Greg's mom

Post #: 5

RE: In a blaze of grief - 4/27/2007 2:32:24 PM

dwkaye

Posts: 213
Joined: 10/29/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

I'm so sorry. My sympathies - May the gentle sunshine of loving memories be a light in this hour of darkness. Greg is @ peace.
Peace be w/you.

Post #: 6

RE: In a blaze of grief - 4/27/2007 3:40:40 PM

gregsmom

Posts: 14
Joined: 4/23/2007
Status: offline

Your words bring comfort. And all the way from Georgia. What an amazing thing this format is. Truly inspired. Thank you for touching me.

Post #: 7

RE: In a blaze of grief - 4/28/2007 7:15:24 AM

Emil

Posts: 285
Joined: 4/4/2007
From: Rosenberg, TX
Status: offline

Dear Gregsmom: What an ordeal you and all who loved Greg have been through. You are a courageous woman to be making a comeback. When I light candles in the group "All", prayers for you and Greg will be included.

May the Lord be with you (sounds like he certainly is working in your life).

Regards,
Emil

Post #: 8

RE: In a blaze of grief - 4/28/2007 8:40:02 AM

Jolene

Posts: 32
Joined: 12/15/2006
Status: offline

I too lost my 16 year old son 20 months ago. This "grieving process" is a long and lonely road. I am encouraged and glad that you feel joy again. Bless you for posting.

Stevie's Mom forever

Post #: 9

RE: In a blaze of grief - 4/29/2007 9:40:08 AM

emy

Posts: 5
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline

Your pain must be unbearable. I am inspired by your gratefullness. Thank you.

Post #: 10

RE: In a blaze of grief - 4/29/2007 11:20:30 PM

topgunn

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/29/2007
Status: offline

My heart is touched by your message. I have 5 beloved grandsons, one of whom was born with a severe heart defect. He's had several surgeries but is facing more. Tonight he is having chest pains, is weak and nauseated after over-exertion while bike-riding with friends. He tries so hard to keep up and do everything they do, never wanting to admit he's in pain. Please pray for Josh. God bless you. Nana G

_____________________________

"What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others." Pericles

Post #: 11

RE: In a blaze of grief - 4/29/2007 11:37:37 PM

Hildegard

Posts: 2652
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: Chicago
Status: online

Welcome to the forum, Pat! I just read your message. It must be so hard for a boy to do what he likes to do and finding that he can't keep up with the others. And I can see how your heart aches in observing him struggling. My prayers are with him, you and all his family. I hope you dont mind that I have started a candle group for him under "Josh".
With every good wish, Edda

_____________________________

Peace and joy!

Post #: 12

RE: In a blaze of grief - 4/30/2007 7:01:09 AM

gregsmom

Posts: 14
Joined: 4/23/2007
Status: offline

Yes, the Lord is evident in my life...and experienced through your kind and encouraging words. I am new to this venue and find such comfort here. Thank you.

Post #: 13

RE: In a blaze of grief - 4/30/2007 7:09:22 AM

gregsmom

Posts: 14
Joined: 4/23/2007
Status: offline

Dear Stevie's mom,
Yes, it IS a long and lonely road ! But there are companions along the way, some visible, some invisible. Blessing to you!
Greg's mom

Post #: 14

RE: In a blaze of grief - 4/30/2007 7:13:17 AM

gregsmom

Posts: 14
Joined: 4/23/2007
Status: offline

Yes, it will be an honor to pray for Josh. I have two beloved grand-sons myself. I am a much better "bobo" than I was a mother. I know well the love you have for Josh...and the other four.
I join you in praying for his full recovery!

Post #: 15

RE: In a blaze of grief - 5/2/2007 3:35:14 PM

Lori

Posts: 67
Joined: 1/7/2007
From: Iowa & Austin, Texas
Status: offline

Dear Gregsmom, I am so sorry for your loss, thanks for sharing that story. I can relate. I lost my 24 yr old son Eric in a vehicle accident December 22, 06. The loss is unbearable at times and sometimes when wonderful events happen, such as my new granddaughter born on May 1, 07....I just feel really sad that Eric isnt here to share this all with his family. Again, my deepest sympathy for your loss and "welcome back"!

Lori
eric's mom forever........

Post #: 16

RE: In a blaze of grief - 5/2/2007 3:45:56 PM

gregsmom

Posts: 14
Joined: 4/23/2007
Status: offline

Oh Lori, I am so sorry! This is so new for you. We are tied together by a few things. First by the loss of our beloved sons. Also your son died the day after Greg's birthday. Third, Greg also died in an auto accident...by a drunk driver, who also died.
Lastly, by our love for our grandchildren. They are the light of my life. I have two boys 2 and 3, and one on the way. Ironically, the new baby is due on the anniversary of Greg's death. Live is strange!
If you wish, you may email me directly as much as you wish. sangrega@udmercy.edu

Post #: 17

RE: In a blaze of grief - 5/3/2007 7:12:15 PM

AFMomDeb

Posts: 2
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline

Dear Greg's Mom,

Wow.... what a beautiful story. Your words just
went right to my heart.
I am a military Mom and know quite a few Moms who
have lost children in Iraq in the past couple of years.
I am going to copy your words to share with them, certain
that your words will bring them strength.

Thank you and God Bless you and all who have lost
a child.

xo xo
Deb
Ohio USA

Post #: 18

RE: In a blaze of grief - 5/7/2007 11:36:34 AM

gregsmom

Posts: 14
Joined: 4/23/2007
Status: offline

Recently I have been pondering the reason for this disorienting feeling that Greg never existed. This is what I have come to. Since our beloved is gone, it seems that grief is the only connection we have to them. And when we release grief [therefore our perceived final connection] our beloved takes on an “unreal” sensation…like they never existed at all.
After 16 years, I find myself here. Not where I want to be. Not where I should be. But here I am, and with that “Greg space” still empty. The wisest thing I can do now is to follow Anne Morrow Lindbergh’s advice: “One should lie empty, open, choiceless as a beach--waiting for a gift from the sea”

_____________________________

Isaiah 30:21 (The Message)
Oh yes, people of Zion, citizens of Jerusalem, your time of tears is over. Cry for help and you'll find it's grace and more grace. The moment he hears, he'll answer.

Post #: 19

RE: In a blaze of grief - 5/7/2007 9:09:31 PM

Hildegard

Posts: 2652
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: Chicago
Status: online

Dear Gail, reading your note makes me consider how I relate to people I loved deeply who have died. Their absence leaves an empty space that can't be filled by someone else, but I don't feel that grief is my only connection. They are very much alive in all the wonderful memories I have of them, their letters and gifts. I don't know what your beliefs are. I myself believe they are with God. God is everywhere so they are just as close to me as God is, perhaps closer than they were in life.
These things are experienced differently by everyone. You are trying to find your way and that is good and healthy. I wish you strength, courage and hope on you journey,
Edda

_____________________________

Peace and joy!

Post #: 20