DESPARE (Full Version)

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Bluemoon -> DESPARE (6/2/2007 1:46:13 PM)

I'm so lost right now. My heart is so heavy. I do not know if I can carry the burden laid before me. Im grateful for my health and all that has been given to me. But my despair is so great. I cannot find my out of the deepest depts of my darkness. I feel so selfish asking for help when there are others who truly need prayers and help, whos burdens are so much grater then mine. Forgive me for my selfishness. I need to open my eyes and mind and find my way out. But i cannot see my way. I cannot find my inner peace that helps me in life. I have abanded myself. My God, My God, pray for me help me find my way. Thank-you all each and everone of you who read my sorry words. A simple thought is so much appreciated.
Much Love and peace to you,
Bluemoon



Hildegard -> RE: DESPARE (6/2/2007 2:14:38 PM)

Dear Bluemoon, welcome to the forum! I am so sorry that you feel so poorly and without hope. There is absolutely NOTHING selfish about asking for help and prayers. It is so important to admit to oneself and to others how one feels. I don't know enough about you as to know what the reason for your feelings are. I do know that you have lots of company, since depression is very common and hits alsmost everybody at some time or other. You might consider a checkup to see if there is some physical problem, or see a counselor to help you understand what is happening. There is nothing wrong with needing to take medication for a time. Perhaps a spiritual adviser might be of help. I don't know if you have any supportive family. They may not be aware of how you feel, since often we are good at hiding our feelings. There IS help, you need to find the best source for it. Don't give up!
I'll keep you in my prayers and light a candle for you and mark the group "Blue".
With every good wish,
Edda



Bluemoon -> RE: DESPARE (6/2/2007 3:21:39 PM)

Dear Edda, I thank-you from the bottom of my heart for your reply and for remembering me in your prayers and for lighting a candle. Many thanks to you.  As i said my health is excellent and Iam grateful for that. It is not depression that a magical pill can take care of.  It is with-in me that i need to find inner strength. It is I who need to find the demon of despair and get rid of it. It is a burden that has been handed me that I am trying to carry. Iam sorry in this day and age that because a person has a burden or has despair that we always resort to physical and mental health. I believe God and or life has handed me yet antother cross to carry It is that impact that I am struggling with.  Iam so sorry that I may have come across as a mental case, for that I asure you I am not. 
I am alone in this world, hense forth another mile stone I have been given. Which I embrace full heartly with the grace of God. Im now trying to embrace yet another burden to which I can be grateful for. Yes Iam in despair, lost and in deepest darkness. That is why I come here as many a nites I find peace, compassion, hope and the love of mankind and others here who are struggling. Thinking and praying for those who need as I do, if not more. As selfish as it is, I thought that now was the time to ask for prayers. I was in peaceful times when I discovered the Wellness site, and I prayed for and with others who needed. I did not question there motives, health, or mental wellbeing. I just felt that an extra prayer and compassion might help those in need. Iam of simple nature, call me nieve, simple minded, childlike, but it is the simplicity of life that is so beautiful to me. To find and expereince so many ways to find peace and inner strength, that is why Iam here.  I will not burden you or others, I simply asked for an extra prayer for myself at this time.
Bless you Edda for your concern, I send you love and peace.
Bluemoon



Hildegard -> RE: DESPARE (6/2/2007 4:03:19 PM)

Dear Bluemoon, Please, don't think that you came across as a mental case. I simply think that one should consider all possibilities, physical, psychological and spiritual, and discern what might apply. It seems to me that your feelings of darkness and despair may be a religious experience. I believe God uses many ways to help us, often through others. Wise, spiritual guides can be helpful by listening and offering their experience and understanding. The Dark Nights of the Soul are an experience on the spiritual path that are often misunderstood. Again, please, don't feel guily for asking for prayers and support. We are all connected, sharing our burdens and joys!
Love,  Edda 



Lori -> RE: DESPARE (6/3/2007 8:22:55 AM)

Dear Bluemoon,   I'm so sorry for your feelings of despair and loss of hope.  Please do not think of yourself as selfish in asking for help.  I believe we are all here.....in this life to help each other.  In my personnel experience, after losing my 24 year old son in a vehicle accident 2 days before last Christmas, It has helped me tremendously to reach out to others who are in their own personel pain and heartache.  To step outside of my own pain and help others has been my salvation.   I wish you comfort & peace....and I will keep you in my prayers.  Blessings.....~Lori

[image]http://s195.photobucket.com/albums/z299/lacatx/th_InPrayers5FRoses1111.jpg[/image]                           [image]http://s195.photobucket.com/albums/z299/lacatx/th_A-hope-peace.gif[/image] 



Emil -> RE: DESPARE (6/3/2007 5:57:31 PM)

Dear Blue: I came to the forum to see if others might need a prayer and candle when I come through later tonight; and I found you, and your sadness touched me very deeply.

I agree with Edda that you might be going through a dark night of the soul. Remember that before the day dawns, darkness covers the land -- especially on moonless nights. But even on those darkest of nights, you have the twinkle of the starts to hang on to, be they ever so faint. I hope this group can be like those stars for you.

Earlier today, I woke up with a nightmare that was all a temptation to return to my previous way of life, one which I have repented of and no longer desire. And I asked myself and God why I should be tempted since my wanton ways are so far in my past. But then I realized that after I woke up, I no longer felt the urge to give in. Jesus led me through the darkness. Now, somehow, I feel my dream could be of assistance to you, although I can't figure out how.

I hope I haven't rambled much, but God will always bring you through the darkness if you ask, and you have. I think you'll make it, and am sorry you're going through such a difficult time.

A big hug,
Emil
Seek and you shall find  Matthew 7:7



Bluemoon -> RE Despair (6/3/2007 6:09:15 PM)

Dearest Lori,
I thank-you with all my heart for your kindness, thoughtfulness and prayers.  Please accept my  sincere condolences for you and your son.  I know to well the pain your are going through and the sense of loss.  My heart goes out to you and I too will pray for you, your son and your family.

I very much appreciate your words of wisdom, and it is a good reminder to me to reach out and help others as well.  Bless you Lori for taking the time to help me.
BLUE
                                            [image]http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r257/Mkansascitye/COMMENTS/PINKROSEBOW.gif[/image] 
[image]http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r257/Mkansascitye/THANK-YOU/3ac208e0b2973a636ef95466abb7bfc6.gif[/image]          [image]http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r257/Mkansascitye/ANGLES/SLEEPINGANGEL.gif[/image]                          [image]http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r257/Mkansascitye/FLOWERS/th171152oiaga56vct.gif[/image]



Bluemoon -> RE: DESPARE (6/3/2007 6:33:53 PM)

Dearest Emil,
Thank-you so much for conveying your words and thoughts to me. And NO you have not rambled. I shall hold close to my heart your words of encouragement, as you have been like others have reminded me not to give up,that God is there .  I know I must not give up hope for it will surly come.  I will continue to seek, even tho I am in darkness.

Thank-you Emil for caring and especially your big hug, I really do need that, as It brought a smile to my face in this very difficult time.
God Bless you Emil and be with you.
Many hugs back to you
BLUE



yorkiemary -> RE: DESPARE (6/4/2007 2:21:02 PM)

Dear Blue,

I can feel your pain as I read your words, please do not despair, there is hope, I always believe that day follows night and not night follows day.  A very simple way to express how I feel, but I have been in the dark place and the light does return.

May God Bless you.



kathleenmargaret -> RE: DESPARE (6/5/2007 2:36:00 AM)

you are in my thoughts and prayers. I feel i have been in a very similar place as where you are now. I don't believe i would be out of it,and some days i feel like i am back,without the help of a few friends. One who led me to atherapist which eventually led me to medication for depression. It is not a new life but I definately dont feel like i did 24/7,as they say. I will keep you in my thoughts.---Kathy



Bluemoon -> RE: DESPARE (6/5/2007 6:58:59 PM)

Dearest Yorkiemary,
It is with a grateful heart I thank-you for you kindness and your "Simple" way with words. I found them quite comforting and could feel the embrace of your kindness. Thank-you so much for your compassion and caring, and you are right daylight will come soon. That is my hope. That is my prayer.
God Bless you Dear Mary.
Blue



Bluemoon -> RE: DESPARE (6/5/2007 7:13:52 PM)

Dear Kathleenmargaret,
Thank-you so much for your prayers and thoughts.  Yes I'm in a very dark place right now but my faith in God, prayers and the kindness of mankind is my answer.  The dear people I have met here  have helped tremendously, They remind me that holding steadfast, searching for the lite, keeping faith and continuing to knock on Gods door will help me. And even a wonderful hug from thousands of miles has helped more then anyone will ever know. I continue to fight the darkness, the lost feelings and I will carry my burden,  That is my hope and my faith.
I am grateful to you for caring,
God Bless you Kathleen and keep you safe.
Blue



Bluemoon -> RE: DESPARE (6/5/2007 8:59:16 PM)

UPDATE:
My Dear Friends,
It is with tears of joy that I could hardly wait to come home tonight and share with you.

Today I began to see a true blessing of light in my deep darkness and despair. A dear angel was sent to help me to began to give me my small ray of light.  I must admit it took me by surprise and it took me time to register what was happening.  Tho I still have a great burden to carry, I do see the LIGHT!!!  I have been blessed.
I really do believe if it were not for YOU DEAR FRIENDS, Prayers, candles. warm thoughts  and lets not forget a hug,  I would not have had this Blessing. My Darkness is cracking, I will find my way. 

How do I thank-you all?

I offer you my friendship, my prayers and my love to you all.  I will thank God for sending me so many angels. I will go to Blue's candle site that was started by Edda and I will light a candle for each and every one of you.

I'm sorry for rambling so much, but my heart is filled with hope, and the loving embrace  from you all sent by God.  I'm overwhelmed.................

Thank-you God, Oh Lord for your blessing, Please dear God accept my humble prayer. I pray first that you share your abundant love and mercy with all of these wonderful people who helped me and are praying for me. Thank-you for there kindness, there love, there prayers there hope and there concern.
Second Dear Lord, continue to show them the way of helping as they have done for me, I am truly grateful.
And finally dear Lord, continue to hear each and every one of there prayers.And please bless them and comfort them. Let them all feel your loving embrace as I have. I love you Dear Lord. Amen

I still need your prayers and thoughts dear Friends. I still need each and every one of you.
I send you much Love, and I am sending you all many hugs.

I will keep  you posted dear Friends.
And once again I THANK-YOU ALL

God Bless you and keep you safe.
With much Love,
Blue
      [image]http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r257/Mkansascitye/FAITH/GodBlessYou.gif[/image]


PS: There is humor in darkness I have to laugh at my self.  Forgive me I misspelled Despair

   





   



Hildegard -> RE: DESPARE (6/5/2007 10:41:33 PM)

Dearest Blue, I am absolutely delighted to read your message this evening. I am grateful for and with you that some rays of light have come into your darkness. No wonder we call our God a God of surprises. Sometimes help comes from the most unexpected places in unexpected ways.
I will continue to keep you in my prayers and light candles for you,
With much love,  Edda



Emil -> RE: DESPARE (6/6/2007 12:43:43 AM)

Dear Blue: Though I left you a couple of messages in your group, I want to tell you how delighted I am that you see a ray of light. And I'm glad you found someone right there where you are who can help you. You needed that very much, I thought.

And, from your darkness you've shed light on us all by showing how the grace of God can work through us and reach someone in need, and then return -- having gone through you -- and with it bring us joy in knowing that you're doing better.

My best,
Emil



celtic star -> RE: DESPARE (6/6/2007 5:58:50 AM)

Praying for healing and peace for you in all areas of your life. Amen



Nadja -> RE: DESPARE (6/6/2007 3:37:41 PM)

Dear Bluemoon,

I am praying for you and will lit a candle for you...

With Love  Nadja

[image]http://www.rainbowserpent.co.uk/graphics/rainbow-planet.jpg[/image]



Bluemoon -> RE: DESPARE (6/9/2007 2:59:31 AM)

UPDATE:
Hello Dear Friends,
Just a quick note. My little ray of hope has left. It would seem I'm back where I started. With one big difference.

YOU my dear Friends. For the time I'm here I find my refuge and my peace. In reading others struggles, praying for them and lighting candles It has helped me to push the darkness away for a time.  I find in my daily routine my thoughts going to you. Thinking about your needs, prayers and much needed comments. It overwhelms my heart.

I simply just ask you keep me in your thoughts, and I will also keep you in my prayers.
Thank-you for all you have done for me. I really do appreciate you.

God Bless you all.

Bluemoon



Emil -> RE: DESPARE (6/9/2007 5:24:11 AM)

Hang in there, Blue. If your little ray left, perhaps God has other plans for you. I'm not downplaying your loss, though, since I know it must hurt. And I'm sorry.

You're in my thoughts and I so wish you will get better. We've never met, but I care about the outcome of your situation. Hang in there. I think you're a tough lady, and you have surely come to the aid of others who are suffering here. God will reward you.

Another big hug from across the ocean.

Emil



Hildegard -> RE: DESPARE (6/9/2007 9:03:51 AM)

Dear Blue, I am sorry that you are experiencing what feels like a setback, but now you KNOW that there is always hope for light to return. I have found for myself that when I enter into the concerns of others I can forget my own troubles, at least for a while.
I keep you in my heart and prayers and will continue lighting candles for you!
With much love,
Edda



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