RE: my mum

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RE: my mum - 12/30/2007 3:21:21 PM

Hildegard

Posts: 2653
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline

Dear Sharon, family visits can be difficult, but you did the kind and courteous thing in visiting with them. Your brother's wife most likely appreciates this very much. It is challenging to let go of past hurts. You can't change your brother but you can choose how you act towards him, and you did well. And don't forget, you are worthy of every bit of attention, care and love you receive even if it is not from those closest to you!

May the New Year bring you hope, peace and all the strength you need,
Much love and warm hugs,
Edda

_____________________________

Peace and joy!

Post #: 181

RE: my mum - 12/30/2007 8:26:29 PM

buttington

Posts: 2158
Joined: 6/9/2007
From: UK
Status: offline

Dear Sharon,
Bravo! for doing that for your Mum. As Edda says, you did well.
No, it isn't you. Just because we are related to someone it doesn't follow that we will like them or get on with them. We just have to do the best we can.
You may have seen in my other posts, that I had to have Christmas dinner with my ex-husband present! A few years ago I would have been very uncomfortable, and probably not very civil to him, but I did well too

and he didn't do nearly so well as me.

Wishing you more successes in 2008.

Love Jude

_____________________________

Love is the only way

Post #: 182

RE: my mum - 1/4/2008 7:48:36 AM

sharon

Posts: 193
Joined: 6/6/2007
From: England
Status: offline

HI Edda and Jude
Today is one of my really low days don't know why really just one of those things I surpose. The bad thoughts going through my head of doing something to myself I just want to scream. Why does life have to be such a struggle why can't it be easy for once what did I ever do wrong to deserve all this depression I don't know
sharon

Post #: 183

RE: my mum - 1/4/2008 8:49:33 AM

Hildegard

Posts: 2653
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline

Dearest Sharon, I am so sorry you are having such a bad day. Go into another room and scream! It might help and bring relief, but, please, keep your promise to your friend and don't do anything to yourself. It won't solve anything just cause more pain. I am on my way to church and will say a special prayer for you! Hang in there!!!

Much love and warm hugs,
Edda

_____________________________

Peace and joy!

Post #: 184

RE: my mum - 1/4/2008 1:41:27 PM

buttington

Posts: 2158
Joined: 6/9/2007
From: UK
Status: offline

Dear Sharon,
While reading your post I had this thought come into my head. That those "bad thoughts" which come into your head are Gremlins.

Try seeing them as goblins or something similar. Tell them to clear off. Visualize them being vaporized or something by your happier self.

These thoughts are being manufactured by the depression and are not real.

Happy to hear from you,
Love Jude

_____________________________

Love is the only way

Post #: 185

RE: my mum - 1/10/2008 4:09:19 PM

sharon

Posts: 193
Joined: 6/6/2007
From: England
Status: offline

Dear Edda and Jude
Thank you both once again for your messages of support. I've been to the doctors today as I've been feeling really shattered the last few weeks. I have to go back tomorrow and have some blood tests done to check my kidney function and to find out if I'm anaemic again. I have to go back next thursday for the results hopefully it will show that I'm anaemic as thats easily treated and not that my kidney function has got worse. Mum has got a scan next tuesday and she gets the results two weeks later.
I'm still feeling really low and sometimes wonder how I keep going
love to you both
sharon

Post #: 186

RE: my mum - 1/10/2008 9:01:45 PM

Hildegard

Posts: 2653
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline

Dearest Sharon, thank you for the update. Anemia certainly could make you feel tired and weak. I hope the blood tests show the doctors how to make you feel better. I am proud of you for keeping your appointments and taking care of yourself!

Your daily candles keep on burning for you! I'll keep you in my prayers,

Much love and warm hugs,
Edda

_____________________________

Peace and joy!

Post #: 187

RE: my mum - 1/10/2008 9:14:05 PM

buttington

Posts: 2158
Joined: 6/9/2007
From: UK
Status: offline

Hello Dear Sharon,
I am pleased to hear that you are trying to look after yourself. Perhaps you could reward yourself with a food treat, preferably a nice healthy one.

I wouldn't be surprised if you were anaemic as I expect, when you are feeling low you turn to the drink more and don't eat properly. I don't drink, but my diet suffers if I am depressed or unhappy, and I do tend to get anaemic.

I do hope the test results will be encouraging for you and also for your mum.

Love Jude

_____________________________

Love is the only way

Post #: 188

RE: my mum - 1/14/2008 2:27:30 PM

sharon

Posts: 193
Joined: 6/6/2007
From: England
Status: offline

Dear Edda and Jude
I've just had enough I can't take it anymore. I've had enough of feeling rubbish all the time and noone caring whether I live or die. This life has nothing for me there's no point or hope left. I just don't care anymore
sharon

Post #: 189

RE: my mum - 1/14/2008 5:24:23 PM

buttington

Posts: 2158
Joined: 6/9/2007
From: UK
Status: offline

Dear Sharon,
You know it's not true that nobody cares about you. We care about you, your mum cares about you, and I believe that you care about you really. It's just that life is very hard for you at the moment.

You know the quote: "THIS TOO WILL PASS"

Love Jude

_____________________________

Love is the only way

Post #: 190

RE: my mum - 1/14/2008 9:36:48 PM

Hildegard

Posts: 2653
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline

Dearest Sharon, I completely agree with Jude! We care very much about you! You are not rubbish, you are a precious, wonderful woman going through really tough times. We are going with you on this journey and want to hold you up in every way we can. Hang in there! There are worse days and better ones as well. We love you! I think you know this in your heart even though you may not feel it right now. Please, visit soon again!

With much love and warm hugs,
Edda

_____________________________

Peace and joy!

Post #: 191

RE: my mum - 1/17/2008 2:42:54 PM

sharon

Posts: 193
Joined: 6/6/2007
From: England
Status: offline

Dear Jude and Edda
I've been back to the doctor today for my blood results. They show that I'm not anaemic I'm low on iron but not enough to need treatment. The not so good news is that my kidney function has got worse and I need to have more blood tests done in a month to see how things are then. She said to go back in two weeks if I'm still feeling as tired she said it could be down to the kidneys why I'm tired or the depression and may need my antidepressants increased or changed to something else. She also said that I should avoid alcohol but I couldn't bring myself to say that I was drinking or how much and that I can't get through the day without drinking. The strange thing is knowing my kidney function has gone worse in the last few months its not enough to make me want to stop drinking and I know it should but its like I just don't care what happens to me it just feels like another form of suicide maybe thats just the way it has to be
sharon

Post #: 192

RE: my mum - 1/17/2008 5:45:10 PM

J1937

Posts: 847
Joined: 6/25/2007
From: Austria/Europe
Status: online

Dear Sharon, I feel I just have to contradict you: No, that is certainly not the way it has to be! You deserve to heal and to live, and I trust you can make it !!! When we are down, we can go up again, or let us be carried up. Who is there near you to help you? Stretch out your hand and grab a helping hand! I hope to have better news from you soon.

Warm hugs, Juliana
_________________________________________________________________________
Our greatest weakness lies in giving up.The most certain way to succeed is always to try JUST ONE MORE TIME. Thomas Edison

Post #: 193

RE: my mum - 1/17/2008 6:14:53 PM

buttington

Posts: 2158
Joined: 6/9/2007
From: UK
Status: offline

Dear Sharon,
You may not be anaemic, but you can help yourself to improve your health. Because your blood count is low it can still make you feel tired all the time, so one idea would be to take a good quality multivitamin with iron included in it. I have been low in iron for all of my adult life and I find a multivitamin with iron helpful.

Also drink plenty of water, or fruit juice and water. Don't struggle and fret about the drinking just at the moment, but take plenty of water in between. That will help your kidneys.

Thank you for coming back to tell us how you are. We do really appreciate that.

Lots of Love, Jude

_____________________________

Love is the only way

Post #: 194

RE: my mum - 1/17/2008 8:41:41 PM

sharon

Posts: 193
Joined: 6/6/2007
From: England
Status: offline

I just can't take it anymore my head says I need to die why won't my body let me. I've brought loads of paracetamol I just don't want to be here anymore. I'm beyond any help I just want to take the lot then it will be over once and for all I just want it all gone. Nothing is important anymore except death my death its just how I'm feeling I can't help it thats how it has to be its out of my control I feel like I'm going mad
sharon

Post #: 195

RE: my mum - 1/17/2008 8:48:30 PM

Marie M.

Posts: 1125
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline

Sharon, please go now and talk to your Mom, or your friend that you promised you would not do anything to yourself. Please it is very important to let them know how you are feeling. You need to let them know and be there for you. It would be good to be honest as you are here.

We all care about you here and feel your pain and would like to help. We are here for you.

Marie

Post #: 196

RE: my mum - 1/17/2008 9:23:20 PM

Hildegard

Posts: 2653
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline

Dearest Sharon, Please listen to Marie's advice and talk to someone. Get rid of the Paracetamol. Don't do anything that will cause just more pain all around. You know we are with you all along the way and care about you. Keep your promise to your friend! Keep coming back here to share your feelings instead of keeping them all in - we are waiting for you.

I am now going to light another candle for you!

With much love and warm hugs,
Edda

_____________________________

Peace and joy!

Post #: 197

RE: my mum - 1/18/2008 3:41:26 PM

Margaret

Posts: 35
Joined: 7/11/2006
Status: offline

Dear Sharon,

Please know that there are many here who care about you and want you to be here.

I want to tell you something: my son is in end stage kidney disease, too. He is waiting to get a transplant, and like you, is not so far along that he needs dialysis. But what is very much the same between you two, is this profound lack of energy - and he is not anemic either! He is depressed and just plain weary of living like this. I truly believe that it is the low kidney function - all those toxins that the kidney's normally filter out are going somewhere in your body, and very well could be the cause of your low energy. Has your doctor talked to you about a kidney transplant? I hope you know that this is something you could soon qualify for, and could help you very much. I just want you to know that I see so much of what you are feeling like in my son. Please keep getting checked out at your doctors, because as with my son, the more the kidney failure progresses, the faster it progresses, and you can get the medical help you need.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. - Margaret

Post #: 198

RE: my mum - 1/18/2008 7:15:49 PM

Thankful one

Posts: 1855
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

Sharon,
I wish I could shoulder some of the pain you are feeling. I hope you will get some relief and I would add my voice to those suggesting that you see a therapist. A common reaction that many experience after therapy is that they wish they had gone to a therapist much earlier!

One tip I would like to offer is that if you take about 500m mg of Vitamin C with your iron you will receive two benefits. One is that you will absorb far more iron than taking iron alone. That's why prenatal vitamins usually have Vitamin C with the iron. The second benefit is that you will have much less constipation from taking the iron.

Another pointer I would like to offer both you and Margaret's son is what many leading universities offer patients with kidney disease. Take a sauna regularly. By sweating out all the body's toxins through the skin (which is remarkably effective) you put less strain on your kidneys. The main benefit is that you will feel better very soon. Sometimes it takes a while to feel the effects but it will be so worth it I promise.

I recommend that you have someone watch you or be your partner in the sauna as kidney patients are prone to passing out when they first start taking saunas. Please find somewhere soon to take a sauna like a YMCA or health club. Remember to drink a lot of water and Gatorade before, during and after your sauna. Take a short sauna and then get out and cool down. Drink. Then go back in the sauna for a while. Get out and drink a quart of fluids if you can. Repeat as many times as you can. Don't be afraid to wait thirty minutes between saunas if you feel like it. It can take several hours in and out of the sauna to purify your body when it is overloaded with toxins.

You will feel better sooner than if you started taking antidepressants (which is a great thing for many people). My father-in-law was started on antidepressants while he was suffering from kidney failure. It dramatically changed his life for the better. He said that he got the proverbial new lease on life and was the happiest he had ever been.

I offer a prayer that you feel like your old self soon. Know that many here care about you. Please take good care of yourself. God loves YOU!!!!! I lit a candle for you under the group Sharo.

_____________________________

Thankful one

Gratitude is the acknowledgement of goodness in one's life. In gratitude we say yes to life... from Thanks - How the new science of gratitude can make you happier by Robert Emmons, Ph.D.

Post #: 199

RE: my mum - 1/18/2008 7:27:20 PM

J1937

Posts: 847
Joined: 6/25/2007
From: Austria/Europe
Status: online

Dear Sharon, There is a candle in this group for you from me, too.

Juliana
______

Post #: 200