RE: my mum

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RE: my mum

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RE: my mum - 4/17/2008 10:51:28 PM

Marie M.

Posts: 1113
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline

Hello Sharon I am always glad to see you have been here when I log on. Friends accept each other, and stand behind each other in good times and diffucult times, that is what it is all about.
Speaking for myself, depression associated with grief, along with mood swings can wear you down emotionally. I had alienated people that care, refused many invitations and thought I was better off being alone. After time those people were still there even though much time had passed by. Looking back now, I should have remained invloved with others and their willingness to be there. Friends are there to hold you up when you're down. It is OK friend, you're here with some very amazing people, friends that accept each other and they will always be there for you. Sharon you are one of those amazing people that reach out and give strength to others.

God Bless
Marie

Post #: 241

RE: my mum - 4/18/2008 2:22:10 AM

J1937

Posts: 681
Joined: 6/25/2007
From: Austria/Europe
Status: offline

Dear Sharon,

Thinking of you on this sunny morning, wishing that you may also feel some sunshine, outside and inside, I send you warm hugs and much love,

Juliana
_____________________________
Speak Peace in a World of Conflict

Post #: 242

RE: my mum - 4/20/2008 2:23:46 AM

Marie M.

Posts: 1113
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline

Hello Sharon. I am going to post here in your thread, I do not believe anyone has said anything directed to hurt you and cause you pain. Please do not take it as it was meant for you. No harm was intended for you. The support and friendship here in the forum are sent from above and should be cherished and are important and very special. The forum is unique from the real everyday world.
The hate and indifference to others is not here. It is not only the "ME" as we may encounter outside of the forum, here it is "US", all of us matter. When one hurts we all hurt too.
We are here for you to be your friend and walk with you.

Marie

Post #: 243

RE: my mum - 4/20/2008 6:26:25 AM

celtic star

Posts: 348
Joined: 5/23/2007
Status: offline

Hi Sharon, sending you as always, positive, healing energy and prayers. Be kind to yourself as you are always so kind and supportive of me and others. Namaste Glenysx

Post #: 244

RE: my mum - 4/23/2008 10:11:07 PM

Star5776

Posts: 183
Joined: 6/11/2007
Status: offline

Hi Sharon...

I haven't been on in a long time but I wanted you to know you have always been in my thoughts and prayers.

x Tara

Post #: 245

RE: my mum - 4/30/2008 6:10:51 PM

sharon

Posts: 117
Joined: 6/6/2007
From: England
Status: offline

I am so low and tonight I was at mums and told her that I wished I was dead as soon as I said it I regretted it not because I didn't mean it as I do, but because she's the last person I'd want to hurt. She's the only one in my family thats bothered about me and now I know she'll be worrying about whether I'll do something. I am so stupid sometimes. I love my mum and she's been really upset when I've tried before and she only knows of twice if she knew the number of times I have tried she would be horrified. And I don't know how to put things right my head is so messed up and I hate myself for saying it to her. Its so wrong she's fought so many times to live and I just want to throw my life away I don't know whats wrong with me and I don't know what to do anymore.
sharon

Post #: 246

RE: my mum - 4/30/2008 6:58:41 PM

Hildegard

Posts: 2232
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: Chicago
Status: online

Dearest Sharon,

I am sorry that you feel so badly right now. Don't hate yourself. We all say things at times we are sorry to have said. I think your mother knows in her heart how much you struggle and that you don't want to hurt her. You don't need to hide your feelings. Her love for you, your love for her sustains you. And yes, you can come here and share the way you feel. There are so many who root for you, care for you, love you. Allow yourself to be loved. And there is One who loves you more than you can imagine, gives you the strength for each day, and is close to you even though you may not feel it.

You remain in my heart and prayers!
Much love and warm hugs,
Edda

_____________________________

Peace and joy!

Post #: 247

RE: my mum - 4/30/2008 8:26:00 PM

buttington

Posts: 1502
Joined: 6/9/2007
From: UK
Status: offline

Dear Sharon,
I'm so glad you felt able to come here and share your feelings tonight.
Edda is right, we all say things we later regret. I know you didn't want to hurt your Mum........I expect that is something we could all say, and have all done. Also, I expect most of us at some time have said we wished we were dead. Don't beat yourself up. Take one day at a time.
I hope that tomorrow you will feel a little better, and, if it helps you, go back and tell your Mum that you didn't mean it.

Wishing you peace of mind.

Love and Hugs, Jude

_____________________________

Love is the only way

Post #: 248

RE: my mum - 5/1/2008 1:56:11 AM

J1937

Posts: 681
Joined: 6/25/2007
From: Austria/Europe
Status: offline

Dear Sharon,

Edda and Jude have expressed what I also feel: it´s always good to have you back here. It´is a chance to give you virtual hugs, and for me to tell you a little story today.

I used to blame myself endlessly for having said something I later wished I hadn´t said. But this has changed, and it feels so good to be free of bitter self-criticism.

A wolf has sharp teeth, and when we listen to what we have said or done with "wolf-ears", we attack, blaming ourselves aggressively - and it hurts...

The giraffe is the animal with the biggest heart. When we put on "giraffe-ears", so to speak, we listen to ourselves lovingly, with understanding and compassion, saying ´everyone makes mistakes, they are chances to go on learning. Just one of those things. I´ll try not to say or do this next time...`

With giraffle-love and warm hugs,
Juliana
________________________________
Speak Peace!

Post #: 249

RE: my mum - 5/10/2008 7:17:59 PM

sharon

Posts: 117
Joined: 6/6/2007
From: England
Status: offline

Dear Edda
thank you for your kind words as usual you are all such caring people on here. I just wonder sometimes how it is you all care on here and the people that should care my family don't and don't want to know me apart from my mum. I wonder why it is you do. My mums got another check up coming up at the end of the month a the hospital they seem to come round so quick. I just wish I knew what was going to happen with it all but noone can say. I'm not feelnig any better I'm sick of it and wish I could feel a bit better at least but its not happening. I hope you and leon are both doing ok
love sharon

Post #: 250

RE: my mum - 5/10/2008 7:27:43 PM

sharon

Posts: 117
Joined: 6/6/2007
From: England
Status: offline

Dear Jude
Thanks for your kind words also you always know what to say. My mums the last person I would want to hurt but smetimes its too difficult to keep things inside I don't like telling her how I really feel as she would worry which is stupid really because she probably does worry. I want to feel better I really do but it seems an impossible thing to happen I can't remember when I was last properly happy. I go to bed every night and I don't want to wake up then I'm annoyed when I do. If this is what my life's always going to be like then I don't know what the point to it is. Thank you for caring I don't know why you do when the people that should care don't and don't want to know me here's only my mum that cares about it maybe I'm just not worth bothering about I don't know
love sharon

Post #: 251

RE: my mum - 5/10/2008 7:36:10 PM

sharon

Posts: 117
Joined: 6/6/2007
From: England
Status: offline

Dear Juliana
Thank you also for your kind words. I think I have always blamed myself and given myself a hard time over stuff I have said I wish I could stop doing that. I would so much like to be like a giraffe as at the moment I am so much like a wolf and I don't want to be I need to change that and be like a giraffe but don't know how as it comes so easy to me to blame myself for things even things which I have no control over I'll blame myself and I don't know why I do it. I so wnt to feel better and be better but I'm getting to a point where I think its never going to happen. I go to bed every night and I don't want to wake up don't want to have to live another day feeling like I do but then I wake up and feel the same and feel annoyed that I woke up and so it goes on.
love sharon

Post #: 252

RE: my mum - 5/10/2008 7:43:15 PM

sharon

Posts: 117
Joined: 6/6/2007
From: England
Status: offline

Dear Marie
Thank you for your kindness also you are very caring in your responses to me. i wish I could say that I felt any better but I don't and I'm getting sick of feeling so rubbish all the time. Its been really warm here the last few days and I haven't felt like even going out in the sunshine. I don't know every night I go to bed and hope that I don't wake up and I know I shouldn't feel like that and I wish I didn't and when I wake in the morning I feel so annoyed as I didn'twant to wake up. I just want to give up sometimes. Why you all put up with me on here I don't know but I really do appreciate all your friendship and support I just wish I was able to support others
love sharon

Post #: 253

RE: my mum - 5/10/2008 7:45:50 PM

sharon

Posts: 117
Joined: 6/6/2007
From: England
Status: offline

Dear Gleny's
Thank you for your kind message means a lot I hope you are keeping well
love sharon

Post #: 254

RE: my mum - 5/10/2008 7:47:36 PM

sharon

Posts: 117
Joined: 6/6/2007
From: England
Status: offline

Dear Tara
Thank you for your kind thoughts also its nice to see you pop in again. I hope you are keeping well
love sharon

Post #: 255

RE: my mum - 5/10/2008 10:01:39 PM

Hildegard

Posts: 2232
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: Chicago
Status: online

Dearest Sharon,
I am glad you came to the forum today to let us know how you are doing. I hope your mother's checkup turns out well.
You wonder how come that people not related to you seem to care more about you than most of your own family. I don't think this is unusual. Often our very best friends are not family members. There are connections that are closer than blood!
You yourself are much more caring and loving than you realize. You just now took the trouble to respond to each one of us individually. You ask about Leon. You express your sympathy elsewhere. There is that wonderful woman hidden inside you who wants to come out. Give her a chance! Others often can see what you can't!

Much love and warm hugs,
Edda

_____________________________

Peace and joy!

Post #: 256

RE: my mum - 5/10/2008 11:03:59 PM

Marie M.

Posts: 1113
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline

Hello Sharon, glad to see you here, I have been away for a while and yours is the first post I read.
I understand how you may feel. I have had my times of feeling low, many of them for a long time. But upon waking what I do is pray. I ask God to help me through the day, to give me strength to face the challenges of the day we all have. And some days of the past were low but I had to work at making it a good day. I tried this regardless of how awful and low I felt, by trying to make it a good day for someone else by doing little things to help them, be with them in good company and through kind words. After some time, I had noticed a change.

Why do we put up with you? We don't. We care for you and you are a friend. We see you differently than the way you see yourself. A good person with good qualities that is how we see Sharon.
Maybe try writing down your feelings in a journal. Later read them back.

Have a good weekend
Marie

Post #: 257

RE: my mum - 5/10/2008 11:27:40 PM

kitonthemoon

Posts: 25
Joined: 5/5/2008
Status: offline

Hi Sharon,

I'm fairly new to this exceptionally warm family here....

I didn't read all the way back to your first post, except the last page (13). I understand that you have been going thru lots stress with your mom's illness and not much support from your family. You also asked why people here are more caring about you than your own family?

I'm not sure if you believe in 'chance meeting', or all the people we meet in our lives are never a 'coincidence', just as I didn't believe it was a coincidence I came here in the first place. I meant to be here to learn all the wisdom from the senior members of Gratefulness. One day, there's going to be someone in your shoes and you will support the person with all your love. If so many people here love you, it means, loud and clear, YOU ARE WORTHY OF EVERYONE'S LOVE. Believe it!!!

It is not easy when our loved one fallen sick, and there's absolutely nothing we can do about. It is frustrating, it is depressing...and you feel helpless. Ask my husband, he will tell you.

After all, I've been debilated by several health problems for 14 yrs now out of 20 yrs of our marriage.

If there's anything I can be of help to you please feel free to contact me.

In Friendship and Faith,
Jazzie

Post #: 258

RE: my mum - 5/11/2008 4:36:44 AM

buttington

Posts: 1502
Joined: 6/9/2007
From: UK
Status: offline

Dearest Sharon,

Well! While I was sleeping (and I hope you too) all these lovely people have responded to your posts. I hope, by their wise and loving words, they have helped you understand why we care about you.

As Marie says, we don't 'put up' with you. We are sharing friendship with you, and we do see a very kind and caring woman in you.

As others have already said, our family are not always the closest to us. Maybe they should be, but often they are not. As we go through life we meet all sorts of people, and our friends are often the closest people to us.

Like Jazzie, I believe that every significant person who comes into our lives is important to us in some way. There is a saying that I like very much, "everyone is our soulmate," coming into our lives to help or teach us something important. They may only come into our lives for a moment, or an hour, or a year, but have a huge impact on us.

Your family are living their own way and learning their own lessons. Don't blame them. One way to help yourself here is to forgive your family members for what they have or haven't done. Forgiveness is such a powerful thing, and can bring about miracles.

If at first you feel that you don't mean it when you say (to yourself) that you forgive them, don't worry, just keep saying it anyway. The benefits will be for you.

I hope you can get out into today's sunshine for a little while. It's very good for depression.

Lots of Love, Jude

_____________________________

Love is the only way

Post #: 259

RE: my mum - 5/11/2008 5:27:09 PM

J1937

Posts: 681
Joined: 6/25/2007
From: Austria/Europe
Status: offline

Dear Sharon,
It gives me such joy to see you back here. Thank you for responding to the story of the giraffe and the wolf! All your posts were written by the Giraffe-You, isn´t that something? If the wolf comes back, tell him to be quiet and not use his teeth! And maybe you can allow yourself some exercise and fresh air, enjoying the re-birth of nature at this time of the year.

Warm hugs and blessings,
Juliana
_____________________________
Speak Peace in a World of Conflict

Post #: 260