RE: my mum

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RE: my mum - 9/22/2007 10:26:00 AM

sharon

Posts: 193
Joined: 6/6/2007
From: England
Status: offline

Hello
today I feel all my hope is ebbing away and I no longer have any fight left inside me in fact I don't want to fight anymore. The fight is too much for me to cope with. I know I can't face life without a drink so I may as well accept that and just give up trying to fight a battle I'm never going to win. I just think I was put on this world to destroy myself so I may as well get on with in. I will stay away from here from now on as I don't deserve your support there are many others more deserving than me, so don't bother about me I am just not worth it. Thank you all for putting up with me and I will now leave you in
sharon

Post #: 101

RE: my mum - 9/22/2007 2:44:14 PM

Hildegard

Posts: 2653
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline

Dearest Sharon, please, don't stay away!!! You ARE deserving of our support no matter how you are doing. Did you really read the last few posts? Others believe in you even if you do not! Today may be a specially low day. You may not feel as if there is any fight left in you, but you are given each day what you need for that day. Don't give up! We really do care about you! Please, go to that group in the coming week, give it a try! As everyone is telling you, you are not the only one struggling with problems like yours!

With much love and warm hugs,
Edda

_____________________________

Peace and joy!

Post #: 102

RE: my mum - 9/22/2007 6:31:00 PM

Lori

Posts: 67
Joined: 1/7/2007
From: Iowa & Austin, Texas
Status: offline

((Sharon)))

You are a loving and valuable human being. We all believe in you and your ability to win this battle. Your in my prayers that you will receive the help you so very much need and deserve. Please come back....Hugs..~Lori

_____________________________

~Eric's Mom 4ever

Post #: 103

RE: my mum - 9/25/2007 11:40:28 AM

sharon

Posts: 193
Joined: 6/6/2007
From: England
Status: offline

Dear Edda
I can't seem to stay away from here even though I want to something keeps bringing me back. I'm not sure how I'm still here after the last few days. I've had so many thoughts of ending my life. I've had a bad weekend my brother who lives 200 miles away has been here for the weekend. You would think he would want to see his sister after all I only get to see him a couple of times a years, but no his friends and his aunty are obvisiouly more important to him than his sister. I say his aunt as I don't class her as been my aunt as she's had nothing to do with me for years. My mum is the only one who cares about me and her time is probably limited. I have been there for mum since the beginning and will be there till the end if I survive that long but who's there for me noone. They wouldn't care if I was dead they would probably be pleased so maybe I should do that. I have my group meeting tomorrow don't want to go but I guess I have to give it a try but I just don't know what incentive I have for stopping drinking in the first place there isn't one. Mum has an appointment on friday with her oncologist I will be going with her my dad never offers to go. If I didn't go she would go on her and I don't think she should have to. Other people should play there part why's it always down to me. Do other people just not care. I just don't know what to think anymore
best wishes love sharon

Post #: 104

RE: my mum - 9/25/2007 11:45:11 AM

sharon

Posts: 193
Joined: 6/6/2007
From: England
Status: offline

Dear Lori
thank you for your kind message and thank you for believing in me. I wish I could believe in myself but my confidence has taken such a battering over the years that I can't see it getting any better. I have my group meeting tomorrow which I am going to go to not looking forward to it but I guess I have to give it a try if nothing else. How are you I am so sorry to read about the loss of your son that must have been so difficult to cope with. You take care I'm thinking about you love sharon

Post #: 105

RE: my mum - 9/25/2007 12:21:28 PM

Hildegard

Posts: 2653
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline

Dearest Sharon, so good to hear from you! What brings you back here? You may want to let go of yourself but we won't let go of you! Our love and energy goes out to you to draw you back. Even though you think nobody cares about you, WE DO! And I hope that one day you will care about yourself again. I am glad that you have decided to go to the group tomorrow. I think you will be fine! It is good of you to go with your mother to her appointment. I am sure she appreciates the support! You cannot control what the rest of your family will or will not do, but you can decide to do what is good, and you are doing it! Do you see that you have more strength than you think?
Please, come back and tell us how everything went. We are here for you!

Much love and many hugs,
Edda

_____________________________

Peace and joy!

Post #: 106

RE: my mum - 9/25/2007 1:12:21 PM

buttington

Posts: 2158
Joined: 6/9/2007
From: UK
Status: offline

Dear Sharon,

I would like to repeat everything that Edda has said. We really do care about you, especially because we can see the special person you are.

Edda is right, you can't alter what the rest of your family do. I'm sure they do care about you, but don't know how to help you, and sometimes that makes people stay away.

Keep doing the things to help yourself and your Mum, and after a while you make some friends at the group. Keep coming back

J

_____________________________

Love is the only way

Post #: 107

RE: my mum - 9/25/2007 9:09:02 PM

Blue Eyes

Posts: 16
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline

Dear Sharon,

I must echo the encouraging words of the others. I believe that God puts people in our lives to speak personally to us through them. You can get through this! Just do the next "right" thing. Focus on making it through the next hour. Just the next hour...... Don't look at past failures, don't worry about tomorrow. Stay in the moment. Do not be robbed of your today and the joy that it can bring. We care, God cares. Cast your cares on Him. He is reaching out to you and will help you. He is doing that through us! Any voice you hear that is negative and destructive is not His voice. He loves you. He is love. He created you and He has a plan and a purpose for you. Refuse to give in to the destructive thoughts that you are having. Be strong, my friend. Borrow some of our strength, we have plenty to share!

Praying for you,
Blue Eyes

Post #: 108

RE: my mum - 9/26/2007 12:53:02 AM

garysgirl1010

Posts: 97
Joined: 8/22/2007
Status: offline

Dear Sharon,

I can't add much wisdom to what has been said by Edda, Jude and Blue Eyes. As I write this, it's almost morning in your beautiful England, and I hope you wake with resolve to go to your group meeting. So many people have received the encouragement and support they need from finding others who have experienced similar disappointments and fears in life--and used whatever means they could to escape them.

Meanwhile, there is a little group here in this forum who wants to hold your hand and support you as you struggle to overcome the pain and find the happiness God wants you to have. Please do go to the meeting. We'll all be here waiting to hear how it went.

As Blue Eyes said, take it an hour at a time. Those hours will turn into days and at the end of each one you will feel so good about having gotten through.

God loves you, and so do we.

Lolly

Post #: 109

RE: my mum - 9/27/2007 5:08:33 AM

celtic star

Posts: 453
Joined: 5/23/2007
Status: offline

Sharon, if you did get to the group meeting yesterday, I hope it went o.k. If you didn't manage to get there, don't beat yourself up about it. Sometimes when our self belief is lost, the belief of others in our value and true worth carries us and lifts us. Love Glenys x

Post #: 110

RE: my mum - 9/27/2007 4:46:48 PM

Blue Eyes

Posts: 16
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline

Hi Sharon,

I've been thinking about you today. Hope you have been hanging in there!

I find that when I get stuck in hopelessness and depression, if I just decide to DO something other than what I have been doing it helps me move more toward being healthy.

If I wait for my situation to change, then I have no power over it because I am waiting for someone else to do something. That is what I mean by "Doing the next right thing" even if it is just something small. I have learned not to trust my emotions because they lie to me. What I feel and what is reality are two different things. I have learned to "behave" my way out of the pits.

How I do this is by choosing today not to do what I did yesterday that did not work. If it did not work yesterday, it will not work today. Someone said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results! If you want different results then you HAVE to find the strength to do things that work and that are not destructive. We are here to encourage you.

Leave the house if you have to. Turn off the TV. Read a good book. Call or write a card to someone who has blessed you and thank them no matter how small the act was. Sometimes it is hard to have an attitude of gratitude about the good things in our lives because they are so overshadowed by the sorrow we are stuck in. Sometimes the joy we bring to someone else by affirming them helps to perk us up.

I find that if I call to complain to my family or friends about what is going on, it just makes me more angry. I just have to tell myself "I'm not going there today, I will take a break from this problem and focus on something positive!" Now don't think for a minute that I am saying that you should not stay in touch with us to tell us how you are feeling! I'm just saying that changing my focus has really helped me at times so that I am not always thinking about the problem.

I know you are having a really hard time. This has really helped me and I hope you understand that I know you are in a very difficult situation. I just wanted to share with you what has worked for me and I hope it will be helpful to you.

You are valued and loved!

Love,
Blue Eyes

Post #: 111

RE: my mum - 9/29/2007 3:56:22 PM

garysgirl1010

Posts: 97
Joined: 8/22/2007
Status: offline

Sharon,

I'm praying today that you will receive hope.

Blue Eyes is right, little steps give you a feeling of accomplishment which moves you forward to another step and another step. It's so hard to make that first little step, but all of your friends here are hoping you'll let us hold your hand and watch you move forward.

Love,
Lolly

Post #: 112

RE: my mum - 10/1/2007 9:16:23 PM

Star5776

Posts: 193
Joined: 6/11/2007
Status: offline

Sharon,

My love and prayers are with you as is God's grace. Hang in there and keep strong. I believe in you.

God bless.
Star

Post #: 113

RE: my mum - 10/3/2007 9:06:31 AM

celtic star

Posts: 453
Joined: 5/23/2007
Status: offline

Sharon, I am thinking about you and hoping you are o.k

Post #: 114

RE: my mum - 10/4/2007 12:06:20 AM

garysgirl1010

Posts: 97
Joined: 8/22/2007
Status: offline

Sharon,

I hope you are reading the posts and getting encouragement and support from them. We miss you and worry about you.

Our prayers continue for your healing and for God to provide optimism and hope so you can see what a special person you are.

Love,
lolly

Post #: 115

RE: my mum - 10/10/2007 9:06:33 AM

sharon

Posts: 193
Joined: 6/6/2007
From: England
Status: offline

Dear Edda, Jude blueeyes garysgirl celtic star and star
I wanted to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your lovely messages. I don't want to come on here and sound so depressing all the time but I just can't pick myself up at all I am just getting lower and lower. I had a really hard meeting with my alcohol adviser yesturday and feel really angry about it. She asked me how I was feeling and stupid me said I have been having thoughts of taking tablets and have been collecting tablets. As soon as I'd said it I regretted it as she then made me see a nurse who gave me a hard time and I now have to see my alcohol adviser on friday. I am scared now to say how I really feel as I know they could try and get me to go into hospital and I really don't want to. I know I need help to sort myself out as I can't carry on like this but I just don't know that I have any strength left inside me to fight. I just feel like nobody cares about me anymore
sharon

Post #: 116

RE: my mum - 10/10/2007 9:21:26 AM

Hildegard

Posts: 2653
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline

Dearest Sharon,
I am glad you have come back here. Don't worry about depressing us. I am sorry you are still feeling so down. You have experienced "tough love" and it doesn't feel good. Please, be honest with your helpers - this is the ONLY way they can help you and perhaps protect you from yourself, not your true self, but the one affected by your problem with alcohol. Please, follow through. You are worth it! Make this a mantra telling yourself, "I am a worthwhile woman." And do keep coming back here. We truly care about you. I am lighting a candle for you every day asking for whatever you need on that day, perhaps courage, hope, strength to follow through!

With much love and many warm hugs,
Edda

_____________________________

Peace and joy!

Post #: 117

RE: my mum - 10/10/2007 11:36:14 AM

celtic star

Posts: 453
Joined: 5/23/2007
Status: offline

Hi Sharon, I was so glad to read your post. You have nothing to apologise for, it is our choice and our honour to walk this path with each other.
I think Edda's viewpoint about being honest with the counsellor and others is the best way for you to achieve true and lasting changes so please stay with it, you are doing really well and have more inner strength than you imagine.
I don't know if this will help but it might. Nearly two years ago, something happened that I was toatally unprepared for and shook me to my core. I couldn't believe it was possible to feel such hurt and pain and I did not know how to find my way " home" to myself. One day I read either a prayer or a text which said that when we are going through something that is too difficult or painful to bear, it can help to know that other people are feeling the same pain, have gone through the same sort of pain and come through the other side. It might seem an odd thing to say but there was huge comfort for me in realising I was not alone, even though I would never know who these people were.
Take care of yourself , Namste Glenys x

Post #: 118

RE: my mum - 10/10/2007 2:01:19 PM

buttington

Posts: 2158
Joined: 6/9/2007
From: UK
Status: offline

Dear Sharon,
I was pleased to see you had come back to us. Yours was the first post I read today.

Try to get hold of one of the books to do with "The 12 Steps." As well as the help you need from others, (even though it makes you feel uncomfortable) you will feel you are doing something to help yourself, and it doesn't take much effort.
I picked up one of these books with daily 'reminders' in it. I don't have an addiction, but I still find it incredibly helpful, so I know the books are good.

The one I picked up, in a charity shop actually, is called "Each Day A New Beginning, Daily Meditations for Women." It is associated with AA, but when I found it I had no idea it had anything to do with addictions until I got it home. It's a really good supportive little book.

The page I opened at random a moment ago is very relevant to you at the moment. It speaks about revealing our true selves to others, and speaking the truth about how and who we are at the present moment. It says that it can feel risky, and some people with not be nice to us, but after a while people respect us for who we are because we have been honest and unafraid to be ourselves.

Keep fighting Sharon - you ARE worth it.

Love Jude

_____________________________

Love is the only way

Post #: 119

RE: my mum - 10/11/2007 12:07:16 PM

Blue Eyes

Posts: 16
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline

Dear Sharon,

I started a new job a couple of weeks ago, so have not had as much time to spend on the site.

However.........

I want you to know that I come to the site every night to check on you. I'm so glad that you contacted us again! I was very worried about you. I agree 100% with Edda. I know it is scary to think about what you need to do to get better. Be brave my sister. Please get the help that you need. It will be hard, but you can do it! You need the help of others. We can encourage you, but we can't be there physically to help you. Please let those around you help. It is so much like having surgery that you desperatly need to stay alive. It is scary, it is painful, but it is so needed!

I pray that God will give you the strength to just take the next step to get better.

I will be praying for you.

Love,
Blue Eyes

Post #: 120