Lesson learned

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Lesson learned - 6/15/2007 2:35:41 AM

arows1faith

Posts: 164
Joined: 6/7/2007
Status: offline

To all:
First off, I'm ecstatic that I have somewhere to share this!

Next... I've had a falling out with a very dear friend. 'Reason, Season, or a Lifetime' comes to mind. Anywhoo....

I've learned to love someone, and allow myself to not respect them. Don't get me wrong, the love is true. But, I can't allow someone to make me feel bad about myself. I had a problem with Crystal Methanphetamines some time back. (For those that don't know it's street name, it's "Tina." If you hear people talking about "Tina," be angry. I need that!) Recently, a friend that I considered 'close' argued to me about Tina's legality. He argued that Tina and marijuana were just the same, as far as legalities go. My personal experience tells me different; and his should, too! Tina isn't a friend, no one should ever want 'her' around.

This argument was a catalyst to this:
I questioned myself. I allowed myself to doubt 'me.' BUT, I realized that the original decision I made to "HATE" Tina was a decision of love... for myself. Anyone that loves me should see that, not argue against it.

Although I've lost a closeness that I chereish, it becomes easy to value others the way that I need them to value me. Everyone knows the saying: "If you hang around shit long enough, you start to smell like shit yourself."

Now, that saying makes sense to me.

_____________________________

The Goddess is alive and there is magick afoot.
Arow Blackdragon
Valley of the Kings

Post #: 1

RE: Lesson learned - 6/15/2007 10:54:03 AM

ceemosp

Posts: 7
Joined: 6/14/2007
From: Estepona, Spain
Status: offline

Dear A.B.

sometimes in life we have to make decisions that will be emotionally hard as we have to wage the pro's and con's of what they will result in. Many of times we can't even see the complete magnitude of what this decision will involve on the long run.
In your case it was the loss of a dear friend.
As hard as it surely must be I can assure you that you made the correct decision.
You can not please the whole world or be everybody's darling - it just does not work out that way.
There are times and situations when you have to draw clear and strict borderlines concerning your life and how far you can let people 'invade' it.
You made the right decision in your life to stay away from the drugs and anybody challenging that decision or trying to argue about it you will have to drop.
I would even go that far as saying you want to drop ALL your friends that have anything to do with these drugs as they are no friends but drug buddies as long as they use this crap.
Friendship involves accepting someones decision and support him, NOT trying to get him back on 'your side of life', especially not when it comes to things like drugs.
I am glad that you ended your 'friendship' but didn't resort to hating your 'friend'. That by far is the hardest part of it but you did so well. You have my highest respect and support for your decision.

Who knows, maybe your example will make your friend start thinking about HIS situation in some time.

Keep on travelling the 'good' route and the gains from doing so will surely outweight the 'losses' on the way.

Yours
Carsten

_____________________________

By loving a person every day of your life you will make a difference for yourself and set an example for many others.
Folding@Home Team 68301 - Derek's Wish
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Post #: 2

RE: Lesson learned - 6/16/2007 9:12:03 AM

Solomon

Posts: 207
Joined: 6/9/2007
Status: offline

If this guy wasn't supporting you, then you did very well to get him out of your life. Congratualtions on having the guts and the wherewithall to do that.

Post #: 3

RE: Lesson learned - 6/18/2007 1:03:16 PM

arows1faith

Posts: 164
Joined: 6/7/2007
Status: offline

Carsten:
Thank you for your support and reminding me that the best decisions I can make for myself don't always feel 'good.' I like to think that's a lesson, itself. (Honestly, though, I can't wait until the day that I can wake up and say "Oh, that's the good pain!" and smile

)
Solomon:
Thank you for the congrats. 'Congratulation,' to me, is a recognition of accomplishment, very specifically. I was looking at the situation from a 'resolution' stand-point and it was becoming very cost-prohibitive, energy wise. I do feel an accomplishment; something achieved, for myself if not others. Thank you for unintentionally encouraging my active, open-mind.

Post #: 4

RE: Lesson learned - 6/18/2007 3:57:18 PM

Imenuff

Posts: 720
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

Arow,

Congratulations are definitely in order. I completely agree with Solomon and Carsten. I am not sure I have ever been able to wake up and "smile" and say 'that's the the good pain!', expecially not the "smile". After lots of years and experiences of going through the "good Pain" though, your "gut" heart and soul let you know by the underlying peace in the midst of pain that you are in the good pain. As I said in my email, Congratulations are most applicable. What you were able to do took a lot of courage, especially when you really care about someone. You deserve to give yourself a real pat on the back for the honesty it took to admit that this individual was toxic to your new, clean life and then to have the courage to remove him.

Know that our prayers and thoughts are with you. I am sure the Spirit will rapidly fill the "hole" you might now feel inside from this individuals absence.

BRAVO AROW!!!!

_____________________________

Shalom(May you be at peace in Body, Mind,& Spirit)

I'menuff

Post #: 5

RE: Lesson learned - 6/19/2007 12:54:28 PM

arows1faith

Posts: 164
Joined: 6/7/2007
Status: offline

To all who read this thread: The quote I used at the end of my first post should have been edited with "s^%t" and I apologize if any have been offended.

I will be more deliberate in my attention to what words I use.

_____________________________

The Goddess is alive and there is magick afoot.
Arow Blackdragon
Valley of the Kings

Post #: 6

RE: Lesson learned - 6/20/2007 1:26:30 PM

arows1faith

Posts: 164
Joined: 6/7/2007
Status: offline

In practice, as it goes, I must point out that I asked anyone/everyone to be 'angry' about 'Tina.' That is not what I need, for myself and others. What I do need is for 'Tina' to be unwelcome. I feel she is unwelcome here; it's been a long, long, long, time since I did not feel ominous conflict with her on the horizon. I'm learning that there are places where I can lay down my shield and it's been so long since I felt it was safe to do so that I almost feel a little naked without it. Thank-you for allowing me to tend my wounds.

_____________________________

The Goddess is alive and there is magick afoot.
Arow Blackdragon
Valley of the Kings

Post #: 7