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arows1faith -> RE: PLEASE SHARE YOUR WISDOM (7/6/2007 6:00:07 PM)
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Last evening, as I watched "She's All That," I saw it again for the first time. Like I'menuff stated so clearly, sometimes one revisits a familiar thought many times, but one time the thought comes serendipitously with depth of knowledge. I've seen this movie several times and enjoy it, thouroughly.
There's one scene in the beginning where the leading man is put into the spotlight by the leading lady. He ends up on a stage, under a spotlight, every eye belonging to a stranger and completely focused on him. As the props department planned, he unthinkingly pulled his hackeysack from his pocket. He began to toss the small beanbag in classic hackey style, stalling on the back of his hand, behind the leg tosses from one foot to the other. Then he unknowingly goes into a monologue of "Don't let it drop" (initially in reference to the hackey sack). The music becomes tense, he begins to sweat along the forhead. "Everyone's watching you, Zack. Don't let it fall. People are depending on you. Don't let it fall, Zack." He's unyielding in his goal. Don't let it drop. The pressure of keeping the kackey sack from falling to the ground coarses through him feeding his insecurities, his fear of failure. Don't let it drop. He's under a microscope. Don't let it drop. He's losing himself. Don't let it.... It always falls.
I've connected to this moment through my understanding of faith and confidence. My idea is that faith and confidence are not 'achieved' and 'preserved,' 'attained' and 'protected.' My faith and confidence are built up and destroyed, destined to be rebuilt again. How I allow them to be destroyed and rebuilt will determine overall resiliance. I cannot lie, though. Those times without my confidence or my faith are dark indeed; they are not times that I 'rush' to get to. Last night, as I watched Zack's hackey sack fall, I saw my fears. I'm a very small and scared person when I've lost my faith and/or confidence. But, I can find light in the darkness. Fact: It always falls. It's part of the ever constant change that burgeons through every pore of this reality. At one point or another, my faith and/or confidence will fall again; suddenly (even as I write this) I'm not scared anymore. This change will occur. Do I want to waste my time and energy and love trying to prevent this change? No, I do not. That is a waste of precious energy. I'll devise a plan of action in response to this change. I'll ask questions of myself: "What made my faith fall?" "Why did I lose my confidence?" "What is going on that I've not taken into consideration?" "Who have I given enough power to that my faith/confidence is subject to the whims of another?" "Why did the person that I've given that power to not see what it meant?" This is how I can rebuild my faith/confidence. Every time I rebiuld either, I change the design a little; allowing new lessons learned to advise me with new insight. I feel that, by doing this peacefully, I'm allowing my faith and confidence the honor that they are worth and deserve. I think of a dog that runs away occasionally. He's just a runner; it's in his nature. In a bad home, the dog returns home hours later, if not days, to abuse; yelling, hitting, starving, punishing. In a good home, the dog runs to the end of the street or wherever, and returns home relatively soon. Yeah, no table scraps and no treats that evening, but the dog doesn't question the security of 'home.' In the interest of trying something new, I'm drawing parallels between the dog and my faith/confidence. I need to be a 'good home' that my pups, Faith and Confidence, love living in. (Saying it like that for the first time really makes me consider the responsibility I have to them.) Yeah, they might get out and run about for a bit, but it's easier to wrap my mind around the peace I can feel when there's a quiet understanding of "they'll return shortly."
To sum it up: It always falls. I can either complain about it and be overwhelmed by it, or I can work towards rebuilding that which has fallen.
As always, a quote:
"Glory is not in never having fallen. Glory is in how the fallen rise up." ~~Erik Michael Cowan (my best friend and brother from another mother)
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