Gratefulness Forum

All Forums - Search - Register - Member List - Calendars - FAQ - Gratefulness.org

Login - My Profile - Inbox - Address Book - My Subscription - My Forums - Logout

im grateful i found this site

 
View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
Users viewing this topic: none
  Printable Version
All Forums >> [Forums] >> Light A Candle >> im grateful i found this site Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
im grateful i found this site - 8/15/2007 11:25:07 AM   
gemz

 

Posts: 15
Joined: 8/15/2007
Status: offline 		i had an early miscarriage on monday my pod was between 6-8 weeks. i didnt even know i was pregnant until i did a test monday morning. i ended up in hospital and tuesday morning my pod had truly gone.

ive been so upset although the hospital chaplain said a lovely prayer and i felt i had marked my pods existence in someway.

lighting a candle has truly helped me though and its made the pain so much easier to deal with. this is a truly wonderful site and i want to thank you for helping me mark my little pods existance.

i pray for those of us out there who have miscarried and i wish you all the very best in life xxxxxxxxxxxxx

_____________________________

one day with you is a lifelong memory for me
Post #: 1
RE: im grateful i found this site - 8/15/2007 11:39:39 AM   
Hildegard

 

Posts: 2645
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: Chicago
Status: online 		Welcome to the forum, Gemma! It is good that you found us!I am so sorry for your loss! Even at this early stage the loss is real and painful and needs to be acknowledged. I will light a candle for you in the group "ALL" and keep you in my prayers!
I hope you will visit often and share your concerns and thoughts with us. There are so many loving, compassionate people in this forum!

Wishing you everything good,
Edda

_____________________________

Peace and joy!
Post #: 2
RE: im grateful i found this site - 8/15/2007 1:24:36 PM   
buttington

 

Posts: 2151
Joined: 6/9/2007
From: UK
Status: offline 		Dear Gemma,

I'm so sorry you have had this experience. I will light a candle for you and your lost child.

Blessings,  J

_____________________________

Love is the only way
Post #: 3
RE: im grateful i found this site - 8/15/2007 2:35:51 PM   
Marie M.

 

Posts: 1125
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline 		Gemma, welcome to a very special place to be. I am so very sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and I will light a candle.
I have miscarried myself and I understand your feelings, my heart goes out to you.

God Bless you
Seneca's Mom
Marie
Post #: 4
RE: im grateful i found this site - 8/15/2007 3:58:59 PM   
gemz

 

Posts: 15
Joined: 8/15/2007
Status: offline 		thank you very very much. its good to be able to talk to others who have experienced loss. in 2004 i lost my  closest friend i ever had, my nan and my cousin and friend had angel babies.

i never thought i would have to experience such a loss again at least not for a long while. but now ive lost my pod and it kills my heart even though i act so strong on the outside i feel i cant break down physically as im just to tired its like im on the outside looking in. my partner hasnt spoke about it at all and i want to physically hurt him when he laughs. he didnt laugh at the hospital but today he has been. its like hes forgotten all ready. ok we didnt know i was pregnant until monday when unfortunatly pod left us but pod was still our baby how can he be laughing?

i do blame myself i went out drinking friday night but i swear i did not know pod was there i had done a test earlier in the week and it was a neg. i didnt mean to. i just truly truly didnt know pod was in my womb and i hate myself so much for that.

the one good thing i have in my life is my darling 10 month old son i just want to take him and run away.

sorry for rambling bless you all xxxxxx



_____________________________

one day with you is a lifelong memory for me
Post #: 5
RE: im grateful i found this site - 8/15/2007 4:37:49 PM   
Hildegard

 

Posts: 2645
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: Chicago
Status: online 		Dear Gemma, I am sorry you feel so alone in your grief. Please, don't blame yourself since you know that you did not know! Also your going out and Monday's loss are not likely cause and effect! You know most men have trouble expressing their emotions and may not know how to be supportive. It does not mean they don't care. Women by nature are more attuned to other women. So feel free to come here and share your feelings - it helps not to get all bottled up!
Wishing you peace,
Love and hugs,   Edda

_____________________________

Peace and joy!
Post #: 6
RE: im grateful i found this site - 8/15/2007 7:39:31 PM   
Vicky

 

Posts: 362
Joined: 6/24/2007
Status: offline 		Dear Gemma,
I am so sorry that you miscarried. Do not blame yourself.

Do not be angry at your partner. I think it is just so hard for a man to understand. They just don't know what to say. I am sure he cares very much and probably doesn't want to talk about it because he sees that you are hurting so much.

You have found a wonderful place here with loving and supportive people.

Bless you and give you 10 month old a big hug!!

_____________________________

With Hope each of us can have a life with Peace, Faith and Love.
Post #: 7
RE: im grateful i found this site - 8/15/2007 10:46:46 PM   
artemis611

 

Posts: 387
Joined: 7/20/2007
From: Oklahoma
Status: offline 		Gemma, I'm so sorry for my loss.  You are in my thoughts, and I'm lighting a candle for you.

Lori

_____________________________

To truly listen is to perfect one's own virtue.
Post #: 8
RE: im grateful i found this site - 8/16/2007 4:24:35 AM   
celtic star

 

Posts: 453
Joined: 5/23/2007
Status: offline 		Adding my prayers for you, be kind with yourself.
Post #: 9
RE: im grateful i found this site - 8/16/2007 7:50:00 AM   
gemz

 

Posts: 15
Joined: 8/15/2007
Status: offline 		thank you all again.

well my partner has gone back to work today and whilst ive had support i still feel alone. i keep thinking if only i had done another pregnancy test on friday before i went out. if only i never went out at all. i have been having nightmares as well last night was the worst.

i feel people are expecting me to go back to 'normal' because it was an earlt mc and i didnt find out i was pregnant until the day i lost pod. but how can i? there was new life growing inside me and then it came away. i want to go into an empty room and scream and kick and cry.

i truly wish miscarriages never happened and that we all got our healthy babies. i took cade to the shop this morning in his little sit and ride thing and he was laughing so much that i laughed. straight away i felt awful and just came home. i know deep down that life has to go on but its hard. so much harder than i thought it would be. im thinking i might buy a little pot plant or something and look after it whilst it flowers but im not sure yet.

ive started bleeding again and i think its a period everything is coming away now soon my womb will be completly empty and thats sad because there should be a baby - my baby- growing in there and we should be at that stage where we have found out and are all excited. but it hasnt happened and im so sad. my partner still hasnt said anything about it im trying to understand but i cant.

people are saying that we can try again once the cyst i have gets removed but i cant think like that now. it would be like im trying to replace pod. and (im sorry if this sounds crude) i cant even think about having sex with my partner. even though we were careful im so scared it will happen again. its all i can do at the moment not to push him away when he cuddles me and ive been making him sleep in cades room at night. i just cant have him to close at the moment.

i dont know how much of this has made sense. i would like to use this thread as a sort of diary if thats ok.

thank you you are truly loving people xxxxxxx

_____________________________

one day with you is a lifelong memory for me
Post #: 10
RE: im grateful i found this site - 8/16/2007 1:33:59 PM   
buttington

 

Posts: 2151
Joined: 6/9/2007
From: UK
Status: offline 		Dear Gemma,

I'm so glad you came to this Forum. We are all here for you, and of course you are welcome to pour it all out.

I haven't ever lost a baby, but my daughter did, and that was hard enough to bear.

You are grieving, and sometimes we push the closest people to us away when in grief. Don't feel guilty for laughing with your little one. He is giving you the gift of healing.

Love  J

_____________________________

Love is the only way
Post #: 11
RE: im grateful i found this site - 8/16/2007 3:37:30 PM   
Hildegard

 

Posts: 2645
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: Chicago
Status: online 		Dear Gemma,
Ever since I read your post this morning I have been thinking about you! I agree with Jude that you need not feel badly for laughing with your son. He needs you, all of you! Young children are very sensitive to the feelings of adults even though they can't say so. Let his laughter brighten your day!

I can understand that you feel your loss deeply and the emptiness that comes with it, but I hope you might be able to let go of your feelings of guilt since, at least objectively, you have not done anything wrong. I know it is hard to forgive ourselves even when we were not at fault.
Going to an empty room (preferrably soundproof!) and screaming might not be a bad idea, to let it all out! I have recently been told something similar to do by a good friend!

As to your partner, I wonder if you have been able to sit down with him quietly and tell him honestly how you feel, that you and your body are not yet ready for physical intimacy. Perhaps this is the only way he knows how to comfort you. If you enjoy cuddling that does not lead to anything else you might want to tell him. He might be glad to know what you need. We often expect others to read our minds instead of saying what we need. I know, since I tend to do just that! My suggestions are tentative since only you know what is right for you!

I, too, am glad you found this site where you can feel free and safe to express your thoughts and feelings. We are only too glad to listen to you and support you. Your daily visits are welcome!

Wishing you peace,
With much love and warm hugs,
Edda

_____________________________

Peace and joy!
Post #: 12
RE: im grateful i found this site - 8/17/2007 12:18:16 AM   
Vicky

 

Posts: 362
Joined: 6/24/2007
Status: offline 		Gemma
My heart goes out to you. You are such a sentitive loving person. Focus your love at your son. It's alright to laugh even when you are sad inside.

You will find much love and support using this site. If you want to use it as a sort of diary - go right ahead.

Maybe the potted plant would be a good idea for you. It will give you something to nurish & take care of.

Please do not blame yourself

Post #: 13
RE: im grateful i found this site - 8/17/2007 1:20:46 AM   
Emil

 

Posts: 285
Joined: 4/4/2007
From: Rosenberg, TX
Status: offline 		Dear Gemma: My thoughts and prayers are with you. I tried to light a candle, but as they are being rationed, I got to the point where I could light no more. That's why you don't see a candle from me.

With love,
Emil
Post #: 14
RE: im grateful i found this site - 8/17/2007 10:14:46 AM   
gemz

 

Posts: 15
Joined: 8/15/2007
Status: offline 		hi all im back again.

thank you for such kind words of hope and support they really do help.

well ive been out the flat today and went shopping with cades nan and his 2 aunts plus his 4 cousins phew. i bought him to much again. a toy, a ball (bigger than his head) a musical rattle and 2 pairs of shorts.

it was good to get out and about. my partner and i had an argument tyhis morning and i said some nasty things so i feel really bad about that. although we did share the bed for most of the night last night which is good. i didnt want him touching me but it was nice to know he was lying next to me.

i sort of had a go at everyone this morning. his sister came on msn and said am i ok. to which i replied 'yes im fine ive only lost a baby its nothing to worry about'
well she came over with her mum and they apologised for not really acknowledging what im going through. apparently my partner went to his mum and sisters early this morning and told them that he thinks everything is getting on top of me now and im not sure how to release it.

i told his mum and sister that its ok. they dont need to worry about me or feel bad because they havent spoke to me about pod.

it was good to go out though. its the being alone i dont like. thinking about how pods not here and how much more im affected by this than i thought i would be.

i bought myself another book to read today as well. so even though im still hurting and want my pod back i did have a good day and cade has been a tonic i will try not to feel guilty about laughing with hin as hes at that stage where everything he does is funny.

thank you again for reading xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_____________________________

one day with you is a lifelong memory for me
Post #: 15
RE: im grateful i found this site - 8/17/2007 11:37:32 AM   
Hildegard

 

Posts: 2645
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: Chicago
Status: online 		Dear Gemma, thank you for today's post. I am glad you were able to get out in company, and also that you have shared your feelings with family members. This may sometimes get emotional but it opens the door to better communication and understanding. You partner's consulting family members suggests to me that he does care but needs help in dealing with the situation. Do continue to enjoy your little son, have some fun spoiling him for a little while! I do think you are moving in the right direction and for this I am grateful.
Awaiting your next message,
Much love and warm hugs,
Edda

_____________________________

Peace and joy!
Post #: 16
RE: im grateful i found this site - 8/17/2007 12:59:55 PM   
Marie M.

 

Posts: 1125
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline 		Gemma you are in my thoughts and prayers today. Keeping busy is good and being with your loved ones. They are on your side and have strong emotions now too.  Love will make you stronger and reaching out. Do not blame yourself it will not do you any good or your little one.

God Bless You
Seneca's Mom
Marie
Post #: 17
RE: im grateful i found this site - 8/17/2007 1:23:09 PM   
buttington

 

Posts: 2151
Joined: 6/9/2007
From: UK
Status: offline 		Dear Gemma,

I'm pleased to hear you have come a small step forward. I agree with Edda, have fun spoiling Cade for a while....and yourself. You deserve some spoiling.

"Friends are quiet Angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."

One day at a time.

With Love  J

_____________________________

Love is the only way
Post #: 18
RE: im grateful i found this site - 8/17/2007 3:03:22 PM   
gemz

 

Posts: 15
Joined: 8/15/2007
Status: offline 		its me again.

its so nice to come here and write down my thoughts, hope, fears and about general life since monday. and life has changed i feel incomplete and lonely. i want this terrible terrible week to end.

after having crawling races with cade earlier life has dealt me another piece of bad news. my mum has arthritis. i know that in the greater scheme of things arthritis is really not that bad but she is my mum and i dont want her to have arthritis and i just want to be given a break you know. a bit of respite from all the horrible stuff that has happened.

im still trying to come to terms with losing pod and now my poor wonderful mother has arthritis. WHAT THE HELL HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE SUCH AN AWFUL WEEK????

i cant deal with it all i really cant. im so tempted just to go to the pub and get slautered so i can forget how truly rubbish life can be. but i wont because then i would feel like i was running away and i dont do that.

in an ideal world my baby pod would be growing in me getting slowly stronger and my lovely mum would be fine. instead my pod has gone and my mum has srthritis.

thanks again for reading and thank you so much for replying. i may not say it but your posts truly mean a lot to me xxxxxxxx

_____________________________

one day with you is a lifelong memory for me
Post #: 19
RE: im grateful i found this site - 8/17/2007 3:41:08 PM   
Hildegard

 

Posts: 2645
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: Chicago
Status: online 		Dearest Gemma, you haven't done anything to deserve a horrible week nor does anyone deserve one. Things simply happen! I am sorry about your mother's arthritis which is a very treatable condition. I don't know how old your mother is, but it catches up with many people as they get older.

Whatever you do, please, don't go out to drown your troubles. This won't solve anything and just get you into more trouble. How do you go on? As Jude says, one day at a time! Each morning you can ask,
"What good thing can I do for Cade, myself and my family to make it a happier day?" 

This may sound to you like a simplistic way of putting my own troubles into perspective, but I just turn my attention to Peru, Dafur, the Middle East, the families of the trapped miners in this country. This tells me that I am rather fortunate to have a roof over me, plenty of food, friends and a wonderful faith community. This doesn't disrespect my own challenges but takes my attention away.

Gemma, come back as often as you need to!

Wishing you peace,
Much love,  Edda

_____________________________

Peace and joy!
Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Forums] >> Light A Candle >> im grateful i found this site Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




© Gratefulness.org. Forum Software © ASPPlayground.NET