RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects

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RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects

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RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 2/9/2008 8:42:35 AM

Hildegard

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Joined: 8/30/2006
From: Chicago
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Thank you, Jude, for some chuckles this morning! I have read some of them before, but they are still amusing. It always reminds me of a blooper in our church bulletin several years ago:
Communal reconciliation service at...... Individual confession available for those deserving!

Edda

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Peace and joy!

Post #: 161

RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 2/9/2008 9:15:46 AM

J1937

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Joined: 6/25/2007
From: Austria/Europe
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Thankful One, coming home from a little tour through our capital this afternoon, I find such a number of funny pictures to look and laugh at. You ceratinly have done a great job.
Question: which of the two moustached (can you say that?) gentlemen is you?

Comment: when in the US, I was fascinated by the kind of mail boxes you have there, and I took some pictures, although none of them were as funny as the ones you have posted. You have to know that here rectangular boxes with a lid at the top that can be lifted are fixed to the walls of houses, and that is it.
Jude, the bloopers (thank you for providing the expression, Edda) are fun, too. I can only offer one in German (for Edda, Betty and all friends of that language - and I hope you, Edda, will translate). A young girl I know offered this prayer: "Herr, hilf uns in dieser Fastenzeit beschränkter zu leben".

Juliana
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Speak Peace in a World of Conflict

Post #: 162

RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 2/9/2008 10:15:03 AM

Thankful one

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Jude,
I loved the church bloopers. I had seen some, but there were many that made me smile. Thanks for sharing those. Here are a few more in that vein.

Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High".

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!

The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet should come forward and do so.

The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.

The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.

The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green, who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.

The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.

Sermon Outline:
I. Delineate your fear
II. Disown your fear
III. Displace your rear

Next Friday we will be serving hot gods for lunch.

Nov. 11: An evening of boweling at Lincoln Country Club.

Karen's beautiful solo: "It is Well With My Solo."

Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford."

Congratulations to Tim and Ronda on the birth of their daughter October 12 thru 17.

The Advent Retreat will be held in the lover level of St. Mary's Cathedral.

The District Duperintendent will be meeting with the church boared.

As soon as the weather clears up, the men will have a goof outing.

Fifth Sinday is Lent.

Thank you, dead friends.

Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding.

Lent is a period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter.

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits.

For the word of God is quick and powerful...piercing even to the dividing asunder of soup and spirit.

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men.

The lovers in the exhaust fan are not working.

Volunteers are needed to spit up food.

Head Deacon and Dead Deaconess

We pray that our people will jumble themselves.

< Message edited by Thankful one -- 2/9/2008 11:55:37 AM >

Post #: 163

RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 2/9/2008 3:42:35 PM

Hildegard

Posts: 2844
Joined: 8/30/2006
From: Chicago
Status: online

Juliana, you present me with quite a challenge! I don't think I can find an equivalent English word that changes its meaning as verb and as adjective. "Beschraenken" means limit, reduce, "beschraenkt" means to be of limited intelligence or narrow-minded. The grammatical error in using the word produces the humorous double meaning. The intended meaning of the prayer would be something like this, "Lord, help us during this Lent to live in a more moderate way!" What it turned out to be was, "Lord, help us during this Lent to live in a dumber way!" I was tempted to use the word "modest" as "living more modestly", but then that has a different double meaning in English!

Edda

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Peace and joy!

Post #: 164

RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 2/9/2008 3:50:39 PM

J1937

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From: Austria/Europe
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Thank you, Edda, for coming to my aid! You have brought it across perfectly.

Juliana
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Lachen ist die beste Medizin

Post #: 165

RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 2/9/2008 5:26:20 PM

J1937

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From: Austria/Europe
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Joe, There has been so much fun added to this thread that I missed saying thank you for your 54 pieces of advice for those who take life too seriously. It makes most welcome material for teachers of English as a foreign language.

Juliana
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Lachen ist die beste Medizin

Post #: 166

RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 2/9/2008 6:34:36 PM

joeharmony

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From: Newcastle, Australia
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http://www.metacafe.com/watch/943323/laughing_babies/

Post #: 167

RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 2/9/2008 8:10:22 PM

Marie M.

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Joe, Thank you very much for the video of the laughing babies, I will watch it often. This is a fantastic video added to this thread of laughter, and brings joy and giggles to me. Many of them. Adorable and precious.

Thank you
Marie

Post #: 168

RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 2/9/2008 11:11:06 PM

Marie M.

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Lessons in Efficiency

The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. " You don't want to try these techniques at home."
"Why not?" asked somebody from the audience.

"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, "Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?"

"Did it save time?" The guy in the audience asked.

"Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."

Marie

Post #: 169

RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 2/9/2008 11:30:12 PM

Marie M.

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It's the only type of cooking a man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion.

(1) The woman goes to the store.
(2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables and dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill.
(4) The man places the meat on the grill.
(5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.
(7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.
(8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
(10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

* Obviously this does not pertain to "all" men, no insult intended.

Marie

Post #: 170

RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 2/9/2008 11:34:08 PM

Marie M.

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A little boy asked his mother, "Mommy am I descended from a monkey?"

The Mother replied, "I don't know, son. I never met your father's folks."

Marie

Post #: 171

RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 2/10/2008 12:47:41 AM

Thankful one

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Joe,
I loved the laughing babies video. It's certainly a boost to my spirits to watch the babies just laugh like that. I'll definitely be watching that video regularly.

Marie,
Thanks for sharing with us all the funny stuff you keep coming up with. Certainly no insult taken at the men joke.

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault." Received from Clifford Huntington.

Post #: 172

RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 2/10/2008 12:55:44 AM

Marie M.

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The Teacup

There was this couple who used to go to shop in the beautiful stores. This was their 25th Wedding Anniversary. They both liked antiques and pottery, especially teacups.

One day in a fine shop, they saw this beautiful teacup. One said, "May I see that? I never have seen one quite so beautiful," and the lady handed it to him. As she handed it to him, suddenly the teacup spoke.

"You don't understand," it said, "I haven't always been a teacup. There was a time when I was red and I was clay. My master took me and rolled me and patted me over and over and I yelled out, 'Let me alone.' But he only smiled, 'Not yet.'

"Then I was placed on a spinning wheel," the teacup said, "and suddenly I was spun around and around and around and around. 'Stop it! I'm getting dizzy' I screamed. But the master only nodded and said, 'Not yet.'

"Then he put me in the oven. I'd never felt such heat! I wondered why he wanted to burn me. I yelled! I knocked at the door. I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips as he shook his head, 'Not yet.'

"Finally the door opened, he put me on the shelf and I began to cool. 'There that's better,' I said. Then he brushed me and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible. I thought I would gag. 'Stop it! Stop it!' I cried. He only nodded, 'Not yet.'

"Then suddenly he put me back into the oven, not like the first one. This was twice as hot and I knew I would suffocate. I begged. I pleaded. I screamed. I cried. All the time I could see him through the opening nodding his head, saying, ' Not Yet.'"

"Then I knew there wasn't any hope. I would never make it. I was ready to give up. But the door opened and he took me out and placed me on the shelf.

One hour later, he handed me a mirror and said, 'Look at yourself,' and I did, and I said, 'That's not me, that couldn't be me, it's beautiful. I'm beautiful!'

"'I want you to remember then,' he said, 'I know it hurt to be rolled and patted, but if I just left you, you'd have dried up." " I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled."
"I know it hurt and it was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn't put you there, you would have cracked."
"I know the fumes were bad and when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn't done that, you never would have hardened. You would not have had any color in your life, and if I hadn't put you back in that second oven, you wouldn't survive for very long because the hardness would not have held."
"Now you are a finished product. You are what I had in mind when I first began with you."

That's life, friends. That's my life and it is your life. Some of you are in the oven, screaming, hollering, "Let me out of here!" Some of you are getting painted and the fumes are bothering you and driving you crazy. Some of you are spinning around and you don't know where you are. You're saying, "What's going on? It's a mess here," and the Master keeps looking and saying, "Not yet, not yet." You see, you've got to trust Him.

Author Unknown

Marie

Post #: 173

RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 2/10/2008 1:19:29 AM

Marie M.

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Jude, thanks for the Bulletin Bloopers, it is all in how you say it, or type it. LOL

Marie

Post #: 174

RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 2/10/2008 1:24:58 AM

Marie M.

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Thankful one, you have a very funny side as well as a creative side, and can choose wonderful pictures of flowers and beautiful waterfalls, that take you to that place. Thanks for adding so much here. Funny stuff!
Which screensaver did I chose from the collection? Multi color roses. They look great on a larger size screen. Thanks for everything.

God Bless
Marie

Post #: 175

RE: Laughter and the Positive Effects - 2/10/2008 1:47:53 AM

Marie M.

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