Dear Joe . . .
I am happy that you have some happy memories . . .
grandparents,
whether by blood or not,
are treasures
like no other.
   ♥

everything counts... ♥

I think I have reached a very important place in this journey that seems to have lasted for ever.  For the first time in months I felt a sense of real hope and optimism, and I think it's because of what I said earlier about my faith.

I have now finished the Missing Darcy Suite with a piece I have called Surrender.  That's what I find I have done, surrendered myself to the river and stopped trying to fight the torrent.  I am not giving up the battle to be a dad to my son, and I am taking positive steps in making that a reality (Family Court, etc.).

Surrender

I am hoping to have the Parenting Order from the Court by Christmas.  I want to start a tradition of having Darcy with me for Christmas.  I don't know if it will happen, but if not this year then next.  Or maybe for the day he turns six months old - 29 December.

It really is amazing to feel this inner peace, knowing that my path has been set for me, and it is as it should be.

All you have to do is stop asking Why?


____________________________________________

If I turn around I can see where I'm going, instead of where I've been


Joe

Dear Joe,
thank you for posting "Surrender" I can hear some positive and lighter parts to it that weren't there in previous pieces.
 
I think, having goals in mind, like the Christmas visits, are very important. Keep these positive images clearly in your mind.
 
Yes, asking why? is pointless, isn't it?
 
Blessings,
Jude

Love is the only way

Dear Joe
 
I am happy to read you have real hope and optimism this is faith I am sure..

I want to start a tradition of having Darcy with me for Christmas. I don't know if it will happen, but if not this year then next.

 
 
I think your wise to think if it does not happen this year it will the next.It is indeed something positive to aim for.I know Christmas can be a very lonley time for a lot of people who are seprated from their children. Maybe plan to see your sister as a backup for this year just incase?
 
 
 
If I turn around I can see where I'm going, instead of where I've been
 
Very true Joe....
 

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

Dear Joe,

Let me join Jude and Sandra in saying how glad I am for your having arrived at this point of your journey. I think you´ll agree with the following quote:

I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning to sail my ship.
  ~ Aeschylus

My best wishes are with you.
Juliana

"Speak Peace in a World of Conflict" (M.B.Rosenberg)

Dear Joe . . .
I am glad that you are finding a sense of inner peace
and surrender.
I believe that this will serve you well . . .
keeping you and Darcy in my heart
with love and hope . . .
sparrow

everything counts... ♥

I am glad that you are finding a sense of inner peace and surrender.

Unfortunately, this deserted me for several days.  On Friday I started organising the material I'll need for my Family Court application, which meant I printed out all the emails and other correspondence between Julie and me, and it knocked me back almost to where I was at the worst times.  This is the first time I've looked at it all, and it was very, very saddening to first read how it was in the first few weeks, and then to trace the deterioration in my relationship with Julie.

Which has now got to her telling me that she will not even give me any information about how Darcy is going.

While I was looking for the stuff I'll need I also found copies of emails and letters Julie and I had exchanged before I came here to be with her.  The contrast between those and what we have now is as extreme as it could possibly be.

However, I'm back to at least a sense of equilibrium and calm, not quite the peace yet, but it will come. 

I've been told that applications for interim hearings in the Court close for the year on Friday, so I must quickly get some legal advice on how to proceed.  I am NOT waiting until February next year to start the action, even if it means I have to be self-represented. 

Anyway I'm back on my feet again, ready to do battle for my beautiful Darcy's right to have his dad in his life.  I can also open my heart again.

I remember reading once that the strongest blades are those which are tempered in fire and oil.  I have walked through the fire of the pain and anger of losing Darcy, and the oily darkness of the despair and sorrow.  I am stronger now than at any time in my life.  And those who thought to bring me down have simply made me stronger.  And wiser.


_______________________________________________

Striding forward, against the storm


Joe

"Anyway I'm back on my feet again, ready to do battle for my beautiful Darcy's right to have his dad in his life.  I can also open my heart again."

Dear Joe,

I am glad you are feeling like this. Thank you for sharing it. I am reminded of one of the "Beatitudes":

* Turned to the Source are those who live by breathing Unity; Their ´I can!` is included in God´s.

* Healthy are those who devotedly hold fast to the spirit of life; holding them is the cosmic Ruler of all that shines         and rises.

* Resisting corruption, possessing integrity are those whose breath forms a luminous sphere; they hear the
   universal Word and feel the earth´s power to accomplish it through their hands.

(Quoted according to Neil Douglas-Klotz, who in "Prayers of the Cosmos" recovered some of the original language, the Aramaic that Jesus spoke).

I am lighting another candle for you, with Hope and Confidence.

Juliana

"Speak Peace in a World of Conflict" (M.B.Rosenberg)

I am stronger now than at any time in my life. And those who thought to bring me down have simply made me stronger. And wiser.

 
The best gifts,
dear Joe,
often come in the most unexpected packages.
You are in my prayers
as you move forward
with love . . .
sparrow

everything counts... ♥

Thinking of you Joe as you prepare.
 
With Love,
Jude

Love is the only way

I am so tired of the roller coaster ride that my feelings take me on.  Friday settled and calm, the weekend down and anxious, yesterday again settled, today way down and feeling helpless.

I am now not going to see Darcy before at least February, and probably longer.  The Family Court closes its registry for applications on Friday, and I am not going to be able to get it done in time.  In any case because of the complexity of the case it is unlikely the Court would have heard it before next year.

I am going to have to represent myself at the Court.  There is a system of legal aid for people who are on a low income, but I have just too much money in the bank to qualify, and in any case they (legal aid) do not believe it is justified in spending public money in my case.  To have a lawyer represent me through the whole process would cost me $50,000-$100,000, and even just being represented in Court would cost at least $25,000.  Which I don't have.

There is a community legal service which can help me prepare applications and documents, and guide me through the process, so at least I will know I'm taking all the steps necessary.

So I now have to sit and wait.  Find a way to safely release all the feelings.  Find the space in me which is the peacefulness I had.  Have total faith in God that what is happening is necessary.  Keep my promise to Darcy that I would wait as long as necessary to be his dad.  Keep going on my journey of healing from the traumas that my life has been up till now.

I don't think I'll continue with this thread.  The story of my journey will become repetitive.  Thank you to all who have supported me through this hell.


____________________________________________________________

I will keep going as long as there is breath in my body


Joe

I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning to sail my ship.

 
Dear Joe,
I tried to respond yesterday but something didn't work. I  wanted to repeat Juliana's quote that seems to summarize where you are. You are on choppy seas and try to keep an even keel. These ups and downs are difficult but you are learning to ride them out.
You may not see Darcy for some time, but do remain open for surprises!
 
A candle is burning for you!
 
With love,
Edda

Peace and joy!

Keep my promise to Darcy that I would wait as long as necessary to be his dad.

 
Dear Joe, this is what is important.....keep the sail of your ship pointing in that direction, and as Edda says, be open for surprises.
 
with Love and Blessings,
Jude

Love is the only way

Dear Joe

Keep my promise to Darcy that I would wait as long as necessary to be his dad

This is the most important thing you can ever do for your child.Of course you are Darcy's Dad now, but in time I hope you can be the kind of Dad you long to be...
 
You could share your love with  Darcy in a Journal then when the time is right hand it to him.
 
Many dams will be broken dear Joe but it's a fight that will allow you to be the Father you want to be...
 
all of the fighting is over
all of the battles are won
all of the words have been spoken
and you are still the only one

all of the heavens have opened
all of the rivers are run
all of the dams have been broken
you are still the only one
the only one, the only one
you are still the only one

and all of the time we have taken
all of the joy and the fun
all of the years, the tears and the fears
and you are still the only one

although the winter storm still rages
there's a new dawn just begun
full of hope and new courageous
and you are still the only one
the only one, the only one
you are still the only one
the only one, the only one
you are still the only one 
  
 

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love~and be loved in return♥♥  


 

Blessings to you Joe,
as you navigate these stormy seas.
I hope you will not become a stranger,
but will continue to come here
and share your sorrows and your joys,
for I do believe there are more joys in store for you
with love . . .
sparrow

everything counts... ♥

I will keep going as long as there is breath in my body

Dear Joe,

It is good to know that this is what you will do. And I keep the firm hope in my heart that one day you will be here again, surprising us with a good message! Just as you did after a spell of silence when Darcy was born. I had just sent you a PM asking about him, when I spotted you online - and there was that unforgettably beautiful photo announcing his coming into the world... You both remain in my prayer.

Trusting in "the bigger picture",
Juliana

"Speak Peace in a World of Conflict" (M.B.Rosenberg)

I am humbled by the love and support I continue to receive from my Gratefulness family.  I have had five towers of strength through this time -
- the love and comfort and protection of my God, which I have felt as real as the touch of any person,
- my sister, Kim, who has given me the counsel that I have needed time and time again, even when I didn't really want to hear, and with whom I now share the love that was closed away in both of us because of my father
- my counsellor and friend, Pat, who has always known what I needed in our sessions
- my music, a gift from above, that I have played every night since I wrote it, as a reminder of my son, and as a key always to unlock the blockages in my feelings
- and this family, this beacon of goodness in a sea of darkness.

I went for a walk today, out along the breakwall near my home.  And I sat at the end, and cried the tears for the time it will be before I see my beautiful Darcy again.



And I renewed my promise to him to be waiting when he is ready to come home to me, and to keep my heart and spirit open and generous.

I have walked through so much darkness and pain.  It would be so easy to become the darkness, out of bitterness or anger.  But that would make me worse that the people who have wished me harm, because I know the difference.  So I will keep the light of my love for my son shining strongly, restated every day.  I will keep the light of the love I have received shining by giving my own.  And I will show the people who walk in darkness that it is so much more comfortable in the light.

I know Julie is living in fear and confusion and doubt.  She has shown this every time we have talked, and now by her silence.  And I wouldn't be her for all the money in the world.  She has Darcy with her, but she can not truly experience the love because of how threatened she feels by the world.  And sooner or later the fear will become overpowering, and she will be unable to face the world, as she was when I first came here to help her.  And I know she leaves all the lights in the house on all night because of her fear.  She hasn't understood that the darkness she fears is in her, not outside.  And, like my father did so many years ago, she fears the light of God and Love and Peace. 

I know my Darcy will be kept safe, and will come to be in the light.

All I have to do is have faith, and keep my heart open.


____________________________________________________

If I stand here long enough the world will do a full circle, and I'll be where I want to be.

Joe

I know my Darcy will be kept safe, and will come to be in the light. All I have to do is have faith, and keep my heart open.

 
Stay well Joe and do all you can to stay well in body, mind and spirit, both for yourself and because Darcy needs you to.
 
With Love,
Jude

Love is the only way

Be well,
dear Joe . . .
you need you too!
with love . . .
sparrow

everything counts... ♥

If I stand here long enough the world will do a full circle, and I'll be where I want to be.

I trust you will. Love will overcome. Do keep in touch.

Juliana

"Speak Peace in a World of Conflict" (M.B.Rosenberg)