My prayer - my responsibility?

Don´t know, where to go,
don´t know how to live.
I have family, friends, and
other people around me,
they say, the wish my best,
and I know it´s true.
And my feelings go down,
because somebody took me
into a prison,
in the prison of my heart.
During I wwant to get
through the hard things,
I push on the boundaries
of my prison, hundred times the
day.
And when I hurt myself on this limits,
I stand up, try it again, fall down and
try it again, but the boundaries are set
and I can´t open them,
I can´t extend them.
People tell me: I love you, and they mean it true.
But they also mean: I love you, why do you alsways
confront us with your bad feelings. You must help
yourself, try to take responsibility, noone can
live your life - and they are happy, the must not.
Did I ever run away from my responsibilities?
Did I run away if someone needs me?
Did I run away from my jobs,
Did I run away when the live was cruel?
Didn`t I offer day by day m y possibilities?
And they say: You don´t do it in the way w e do.
And I tried, to do it like they did.
And than, when some of them saw,
that I did it in the way they did,
they say to me:
No, thats nothing for you, you are not
the person, with the same rights as we,
y o u are not as we, y o u have to do it in
another way.
And years passed and I always did my things,
in the best way I could, and whenever I thought,
things worked better, one of them came and
told me:
sorry, I love you, but ...
And now, on the near end of my life,
I think by myself:
God, just one thing:
Did you forgot, that you gave me such
a big package? -  and I tried, as good as
I could, to make it in the honest way,
sure - also to my best - but ever the
lit of my eyes shown to your side,
to do it well.
If you have something really good
for me, how can I see it? Because,
I have no hope, no idea, what I can do
in the future, to have a little bit also for me,
where nobody tell me: No, t h a t s not for
you, and put it away.
You all say to me, you love me and you
all lay me in chains, every day.
And they  all say, I love you, but...