In Memory of my Beloved Fluffy Lady

First I want to thank all of you that lite a candle in her group(Fluff) for the last 3 months. It's with a deep heavy heart that I'm sorry to say my beloved little lady lost her battle for life on June 22nd at 4:10 am. As some of you know she had a problem with her heart and then in March developed this liver condition. I took her to a specialist( waiting for an appointment for 2 weeks) and he did an ultrasound and I asked him point blank if she had cancer, and he told me no. I asked what he thought it could be and he said fatty liver tissue or imflamtion( which is hepatitas I later learned). He wanted to do a biopsy, which required her to be put under, and I knew she couldn't survive that. What gets me is I later learned while he was doing the ultrasound he could of done a needle biopsy, but calls me the next day with the blood test results and says If I want a definite diganosis I need to do this. I went back to her doctor with the joy of her not having cancer, and together we worked on it as fatty liver tissue with jaundice. I force feed her A/D with baby food and she would vomit and I finally got that under control, to the point she didn't need any pepcid or regalan. She gained back some weight and I really thought she was going to pull through. I gave her denosyl and fish oil and milk thistle, but she still refused to eat on her own. Her blood work always came back with high ALT and AST and billirubin counts, but I didn't give up my hope and faith she would get better. I took her Friday June 19th to her doctor and she felt her liver and she worried she had a mast, since it felt enlarged( but she said the ultrasound said she had a large liver) and said it may be inflamation and we did blood work again. Saturday I got them back and her billirubin was 16.5- way off the boards.It was then I knew in my heart she wasn't going to make it. I couldn't face the idea of bringing her in to put her to sleep. I know some of you may think that is cruel, but I didn't want the finally memory of that for her or me. I cried every time I had to feed her that day. I tried to make it good for her by telling her it was a souffle and it has vitamins and minerals and all the good things to make her tummy better- I couldn't say it was full of medicines. Sunday night when I went to feed her she gave more of a fuss then normal and then got very nervous and started to wease. I couldn't even hear her heart with a stetecope, so I gave her some more atentol and lasix and sat with her for an hour and calmed her down. She seemed fine after and drank her water on her own. We went to bed around 11PM and she still seemed fine. Later in the morning about 3 AM I heard her making this loud noise breathing and I got up(I didn't sleep just lay there watching her and tv)her back legs were dragging( meaning it was her heart).I knew it was near the end(I had prayed to God to please not have me make this hard decision that I couldn't do, to put her asleep)I brought her to my mothers room and brought her brother( my Siberian husky Midnite-Shadow) into to see her. I told him she was going to go to heaven now to be with my mother. He went outside the room and stood near the gate and cried- he loved her so much. For about a week he would take his food from his dish and carry each kibble one by one to the gate and then push it towards her as to say you don't like yours you can have mine. He gave up after doing this for a week. I think in his heart he knew too. She laid there and her breathing got shallow and I told her how much I loved her and told her again about heaven and how ma was going to be with her and take care of her again. I told her she could let go now, she didn't have to fight anymore. At 4:10 AM her fight ended and my heartache started again. Nobody knows how it feels to be all alone in the world, no family or friends, just my fur babies, and now I'm down to one. When he goes I can go home too and be happy again. I won't live without him and I won't start over. My life was to care for my family and then go home too, and I'm resolved to it and wait for that day. I took her to the vet for her final arrangements( she's to be creamted and her ashes returned) and I asked her if she thought she had cancer and she said yes. I told her why did the specialist give me false hope, and she had no answer. All she said was my Fluffy lady lasted 3 months longer then she thought she would, and she was glad she left this world the way she did, as I am too. Heaven now has my father, mother, my Shaboo, Shadow Lee and now my Fluffy lady. One day I will be with them all and be happy again- that's what I live for now. I will do my best to keep my midnite-shadow happy and healthy until our time comes and we can go together. He misses his sister so, as do I.
                           I wanted to thank you all for you support and for the lighting of the candles for her these last three months. I prayed for a miracle and really thought I got one, but I got another kind- the gift of a little more time. I cheerish the lasting memories of my beloved Fluffy and know she's in a better place, in heaven with my family. God bless you all and thank you again.Debbie